3 Inexplicable Things

Welcome to a new feature on this here blog, which will look at why strange things happen (or don’t happen) in various categories.  Today:

3 Inexplicable Things About Figure Skating

1.  Even though Jayne Torvill was kinda plain-looking and had a dorky hairstyle, most men would still have bonked her if given the chance.

 

2.  Gay men participate in the activity.

3.  This move hasn’t ever resulted in any sexual harassment cases:

(As my friend Patterson once put it:  “Grab her box and you’re a piggish bastard.  Strap on some skates first and all of a sudden it’s ART.”)

More inexplicable things to follow, as I see them.

Feel free to leave your own contributions in Comments, but restrict them to figure skating.  Violations will be deleted.

17 comments

  1. Torvill, her body was in great shape, thighs that could make you pass out, stamina enough to wear you out and flexibility near to ballerina or gymnast. What isn’t to like for a fling.

    Gays, yes women feel safe around gay guys and they tend to have the artistic flair needed, they are also really athletic.

    Pairs and Dance skaters seem to be pretty male and have girlfriends, see recent teams where guys have recently gotten married to other dance or pairs skating women.

    Daughter spent 12 years in the system, actually was considering skating for So Afr as she has a passport and mom is from Durban. Met some really good people and her coach was from the 1982 British Skating Team.

  2. If you think #1 is inexplicable you need to go to a Walmart or Dollar General. All those women with wedding rings? Proof positive that men will bonk damn near anything.

    1. I think it was Orson Scott Card who put it this way (paraphrased becuz I can’t find the exact quote):

      “As long as he can catch her and she doesn’t bite too much, human males will have sex with any woman.”

  3. What’s inexplicable is how the appeal of shapely thighs and trim ankles is lost on breast men.
    See also: Carrie Underwood in a short skirt.

  4. MPW (above) has the gist of it: Extreme physical fitness and the capability which accompanies it. I’d offer that few men have the strength or stamina to keep up with a horny gymnastic-type between the sheets; a 3-day weekend could well prove fatal (those men who could meet the challenge are of a similar physical perfectionist proclivity and psychologically unsuited for the task, and, no, the job at hand has demands such that would leave NFL players and weight lifters on their knees and gasping partway through; upper tier motocross riders, on the other hand, may be able to turn in a respectable showing; soccer stars, no, they’re too gay to have any interest, and basketball aficianados wouldn’t make it through the first quarter – they need too much coaching).

    If one is seeking balance, a woman dedicated to perfection in physical endeavors is probably not one’s best choice (the same is true in reverse). First, the constant physical endeavors reduce body fat to such an extreme that they’re largely titless (not necessarily a show stopper to some, but….) and their quest for personal perfection spills over into demand for perfection in, shall we say, “other areas.”

    Then again, if you think you can survive an extended weekend or three, it’s an adventure truly worthy of memoir material, but I’d caution against booking a full week.

    1. A well known man who has (had?) an Olympic level gymnast as a wife/girlfriend is Vladimir Putin. Makes me think that those pictures of him doing various macho things aren’t faked.

    2. I once had a very brief fling with a professional tennis player (amazingly, considering the stereotype, very heterosexual).
      Afterwards, I hurt in parts that had never hurt before.

  5. I’m reminded of D.B. Sweeney’s great line in “The Cutting Edge” (a figure skating movie, so please don’t delete): “You want my hands WHERE?”

    (Honorable mention: “Finger painting?”)

  6. During the ‘ice dance’ craze of the 1990s, I enjoyed the personality and attitude of Scott Hamilton.
    Naturally, I named my Rhodesian Ridgeback pup in his honor — ‘Scooter’.

  7. My first wife, a pretty and complicated woman and mother of my children now in their 40’s, was a ballet major in college and she was rather good at it. When we started going together my parents came to one of the ballet performances and afterwards while we were waiting for her to change my mom asked me if it bothered me that the guys were lifting her by rather delicate parts and I told my mom that there was no problem because the guys were not interested in girls, my mom, this was in the early 1960’s, looks at me as said,, “Oh my.”

    Just a few years ago we, both my kids and their spouses were in the backyard with a nice fire going in the pit and drinking beer. Non of us have seen ex-wife for about a decade and son-in-law asked me about her having met her only one time. He asked what it was like being married to her and I told him she was smart and pretty and really flexible when we got married, he had just taken a big swallow of beer which came out of his mouth and nose and had to walk it off laughing while my son and daughter yelled at me just a bit but, they were laughing too. Damn but she was flexible. . .

  8. Years ago, when male cheerleading was first becoming a thing, a friend of mine tried out for and made the team. I asked him why in the world he would want to do that sort of thing. Are you gay?

    He responded: “Next time you see us perform, pay attention to where my hand is when we do one of those lifts.”

    He became my new hero.

  9. Jayne Torville? Down boy! Have you seen the way she moved, both on and off the rink? And she looked way better with the make-up off.

  10. Another inexplicable: Why do the girls and some guys wear flesh colored costume parts?? Nobody is fooled, and I personally find it unattractive.

  11. The way skaters and ballerinas walked really stood out to me. They normally didn’t roll their hips, but pivoted on the balls of their feet instead. Highlighted the fact that they were in really good condition. Had a girlfriend who had studied ballet in the Russian style for about 6 years, which was the more athletic version than the French type, IIRC. Even after dealing with Mono for a season, and outgrowing the art (she had gotten to 36DD?-24-36), she still had that walk. She was disappointed that she had stopped growing up, and began growing out. Lovely girl. I was told that her platinum blond hair was a positive attribute in ballet for some unremembered reason.

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