1. Krystal was peeved to learn that none of the prizes for the “Biggest Nose In Sheboygan” competition included free car valet service.

  2. Damn, those legs are so frick’n long they go all the way to the ground, kind of.

  3. What is the name they give a gal with no legs? Cuntswaylow!

    This isn’t her.

  4. Although Mitch certainly enjoyed prancing in his newest pair of ‘take me home and have your way with me’ pumps, was it really necessary for him to use his ‘half-off’ coupon to ‘launder’ his skirt at the self-service car-worsh? One would hope a fellow with his exquisite taste in footwear would show better judgement in his choice of…

    Oh. My. Garsh. Mitch went ahead with the ‘re-assign’ surgery.
    Boy, is my face red!
    I thought, because he was pre-op, it was ‘open season’ on him.
    Now, as a post-op, Mitch is one of the protected class.
    Mitch, please don’t hold ‘it’ against me.
    HaHa!, you cannot hold ‘it’ against me because you got snipped.
    Plans for this weekend?

  5. During his years as a life-guard at the pool, Mitch used a tube of zinc oxide daily.
    Although, in his case, it seems his snocker used it as a ‘growth hormone’ instead of a sun-block…

  6. Would somebody please explain the reasons Mitch feels the need to wear his best heels while vacuuming at the self-service car-worsh?
    What next… pearls?
    Such an attention hound!

  7. In this publicity shot for the Car-Worsh Weekly annual calendar, Mitch correctly demonstrates using the big thick Black© vacuum hose.

    [According to car-worsh industry insiders, Mitch required most of the afternoon to get it right, and probably won’t get a call-back.]
    [Upon hearing the sad news, Mitch reportedly ‘threw a hissy’ and broke a heel while stomping off.]
    [As rumors have it, his agent suggested snocker reduction surgery, but Mitch was too distraught to consider the idea.]
    [According to witnesses, Mitch returned that evening to fondle the hose in an apparent rehearsal for next year’s shoot.]
    [Many ‘alternative’ websites such as Pornhub and Brazzers refused to air the resulting telephone videos, citing their commitment to community standards.]

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