“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim:
“Please could you tell me how one might become more resilient in the face of constant disappointment in life? I don’t believe I set the bar high, yet so often I feel unhappy with the way things turn out to be.
For example, I invested thousands of pounds of savings (in addition to a large loan) to pay for a degree that led to no graduate job or studentship for a PhD. I worked in a hotel for two years to save for a masters degree, which I’m now undertaking.
The quality of this course is also extremely disappointing and I really regret starting it.
The rejections have begun again due to the competitive nature of securing a funded PhD (I’ve had my CVs and applications checked and they are fine). I fear the same will happen again once I finish this course.
There are also disappointments on a broader scale, for instance, the catastrophe that is Brexit and the fact people still continue to live a life convenient for them at the expense of damaging our planet. All this has started to chip away at me and at the age of 25 I feel bitter.
I know life is anything but fair, but I am struggling to change my mindset. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.”

— Princess PhD, London

Dear Princess:
Basically, I can see no end to your horrible unhappiness and the resulting bitterness, and can offer you no advice other than to kill yourself.
While this may seem a somewhat extreme remedy for your many ills, it’s not all bad:  you won’t have to endure the trauma of having to deal with rejection and you won’t have to deal with the consequences of other people’s foolishness like Brexit and planet damage.  And on the financial side, you won’t have to pay your tuition fees either, as you probably have no money saved for your estate.
If you shrink from suicide — as this seems to be a habit of yours in dealing with life’s unpleasantness — then I suggest you eat four Tide pods and call me in the morning.

Normal disclaimer / obligatory warning for stupid people:

Dr. Kim isn’t a doctor, doesn’t play one on TV (but has been known to do so with unsuspecting women on an ad-hoc basis).  His advice should be taken with a metric tonne of salt and two metric tonnes of humor, and should be followed with extreme care.  Dr. Kim takes no responsibility for outcomes of separation, violence, divorce or strange diseases stemming from the adoption of his advice.


  1. She could also have a nice lie-down on some railroad tracks and wait for a train.

    1. No, that would probably traumatize the train engineer & he should not have to suffer for this loser. Better to find a high cliff or bridge somewhere so that the rest of society is not inconvenienced.

    2. Absolutely not! I worked as a lab tech at the dept. of pathology about two decades ago. Every time an idiot lays down on the train tracks it creates a ton of stupid, unproductive work for overworked technicians.

  2. Dear Princess,

    It’s unfortunate that nobody told you that there is no commercial value in a degree in “Gender Studies of Pre-Columbian Cultures” ( other than in teaching it to greater fools ) but you may still be able to reap some benefit from your degree. Your best path forward is to attempt to attach yourself to some member of the upper class. But that assumes you also have the necessary physical attributes to overcome your breeding. And since you had to pay your own way at University, I’m assuming you also lack the family connections to make that happen. You could use your knowledge to help separate the Poofs and pretenders but that doesn’t help if you can’t get in the door.

    So as far as a second opinion goes, I’d have to agree with Dr. Kim —- You’re screwed , You might as well join the ranks of the other Train smash dollies and at least have a good time while you still can.

  3. Dear Princess PhD,
    The world needs ditch diggers, too.
    Judge Elihu Smails

  4. Dear Dr. Kim,
    You would be providing your readers a great service if you would remind them that there is a multi-national service, known incorrectly as La Famiglia, which can take care of such matters for a minor service fee.
    A little bit of PhD research may prove very rewarding, as well. There are even physicians available; after all what is the difference between abortion at 8 months fetal and 34 years 8 months adult.
    There are other assisted suicide physicians, besides Dr. Jack (Murad Jacob) Kevorkian, as well as his well-known relative, the pilot of Trans World Airlines Flight 800, Ralph G., who managed to assist 230 to their end. Really sick, I know, but the coincidence was never mentioned in the media.
    Here I am, fighting every day for just a little bit of improvement in quality of life … sorry, I can find absolutely no rachmunis in my heart for these chronic huilers

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