Lock Up Your Sons (And Fathers, And Uncles, And Brothers)

It appears that someone is looking for a mate:

Charlize Theron has declared she has been ‘single for years’ and is ‘shockingly available’ for dates.
The 43-year-old South African actress, who took a break from relationships after adopting her two children, hopes to find the ‘love of her life’ and said her ideal man would have a ‘good beard’ and can ‘make her laugh’.

Here’s a sample pic of said totty:


Quite toothsome a thing, and all in all, an interesting prospect, no?


Unfortunately, the broad from Benoni is, to put it politely, fucked in the head.  Crazier than a sackful of cats.  Several pieces of boerewors short of a braaivleis.  Mad as a streetful of hatters.

In other words, to date this ditzy stukkie, you would have to be fucking insane yourself.  Exhibit 1:


This is a woman who (oh-so fashionably) adopted two Black orphans from Africa, and is now raising one as a girl (okay, “gender fluid”), which upbringing will no doubt go down like a Kardashian on a Black dude should said unfortunate child ever decide to revisit the continent of his birth.

The fact that La Charlize finds herself terrifyingly single and completely date-less seems to suggest that the Hollywood men of her environs have somehow become more sensible.  I rather suspect, however, that the word has gone out:  date this chick and seven kinds of shit will fall on your head.

Caveat Homines.


  1. The fact that she’s “shockingly available for dates” is proof of the adage I once saw expressed in a sign over a urinal in a bar men’s room: “Remember, no matter how good she looks, some guy somewhere is sick of putting up with her shit.”

    Remember the hot/crazy matrix? Imagine how crazy she must be to be THAT hot and still dateless. Not with Sean Penn’s d*ck with Robert DeNiro doing the pushing.

    Mark D

  2. You really can’t fix crazy but she does have nice cheek bones. She has that going for her.

  3. My older brother gave me good advice – Don’t F*ck crazy – its contagious.

    The package may look enticing, but the workings could be a nightmare. If one must, use a fake name, phone number, and for Gawd’s sake, only once!

  4. She looks pretty good for a 43 year old.

    This post reminded me of this bit about January Jones (Betty Draper from Mad Men):

    The former Mad Men actress says she’s a proud single mom whose son doesn’t need a father because she doesn’t want a man around the house to teach him “sh**ty things.”
    Speaking to Red magazine, the actress best known for her role as Betty Draper says that she prefers to parent her five-year-old son Xander without any dad figures in his life. She believes having a strong male influence would do the boy more harm than good.
    “It’s good to have strong women around a man. To teach him to respect women,” she said. “He doesn’t have a male person in his life saying ‘don’t cry’ or ‘you throw like a girl.’ All those sh**ty things dads accidentally do.”
    I hear you, girlfriend.
    “I just don’t feel I need a partner. Do I want one? Maybe,” Jones continued. “But I don’t feel unhappy or lonely. It would have to be someone so amazing that I would want to make room. Someone who would contribute to my happiness and not take away from it.”
    Jones has never publicly disclosed the identity of Xander’s father, and judging from her comments to Red, it’s clear he has little to no role in the boy’s life. She says that the boy is perfectly fine in the company of the “strong women” in his life like Rose Byrne and Amy Adams.
    When the magazine asked if she was still interested in a partner, she confirmed that she was—unless he’s conservative.
    “I want a manly man in flannel, with a beard and an axe,” she said. “But then there’s always something wrong with him. Like he’s a Republican.”

  5. Ah, I’ve been enamored with her since I saw her in a silly little movie called “Two Days in the Valley” some time in the 90’s. She must have been in her early 20’s then and I remember thinking that she was stunning.

    But the fact that she looks like that and still finds herself “shockingly available” leads me to conclude that she’s gotten by on her looks up to this point and now that she’s not the hottest thing in Hollywood, she doesn’t have much else to bring to the table. To put it a different way, her looks are not enough of a positive anymore to offset the negatives which is why the guys are passing on her.

  6. What is the contagion that causes this epidemic? They’re every where I look.

  7. I tried the pretty, but stark raving crazy type once. Not again.

    Sure, Ms. Theron is really pretty, but once the post-coital panting is over you’re stuck talking to this person and most people get enough crazy and stupid at work, and would prefer to not come home to it and have to deal with it there too.

  8. One can only imagine the crap that is floating around her bloodstream. Petri dish comes to mind. Remember when you doing the nasty with someone like her, you are f**kin the last 200 guys she f**ked. Had to laugh the other day when I read that the Spice Girl singer Mel B was blind in her eyes and went to the hospital. Turns out she had herpes in her eyes ! Yukkkkk…..

  9. Has Seth Efrika run out of paint? Look at that beach chair some glamorous girl is perched on. Looks like it floated out of the Mozambique floods.
    But back to Miss Charlize – weird parents to give her a name like that that. And remember in the feminist/post-fem world, we are not interested in a woman’s body – only her mind. Keep searching, it is in there somewhere.

  10. Super Hot and Bat Shit Crazy…….. Oh Yes……I remember that roller coaster. It’s best if you’re 23 or so and strong enough to hold on through the totally out of control bits. Great fun … as long as you remember to step – off before the spectacular crash at the end!!

    I lucked out and got transferred to the other side of the country just in time.

    ….. but It’s been my experience that Super Hot doesn’t come in any other flavor — probably because they’ve always been granted anything they ever wanted.

  11. “In other words, to date this ditzy stukkie, you would have to be fucking insane yourself. Exhibit 1:”

    Considering the idiot she was with for awhile (in that picture), theirs should have been the relationship hatched in hell…and probably was.

  12. In typical fashion, she lays all the blame on men.

    Can’t have women accepting responsibility for their own lives/actions, can we?


  13. IIRC she’s the one whose mother took the murder rap to keep the daughter from going to jail for killing her father.

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