5 Reasons Not To Go To Australia

So it looks like our April trip to Oz has had to be called off, or at best postponed for a long time.  Here are the five reasons why:

1) They won’t let me take any of my guns into the country

2) Crocodiles in the streets

3) No cricket (the season has ended)

4) I hate snakes

…and the actual reason:

5) Angie can’t leave the country until her permanent residence visa gets approved, minimum six months’ time.

Now ask me whether we got a refund for our canceled air tickets from Qantas Fucking Airlines…


  1. Lotta good chewy jerky from a snake like that.
    One full length strand’ll last ya all day, then you pick it out of your teefs for 3 more.

    Last time I flew on a commercial jet I had every gun I owned at the time on my person in the cabin as well as numerous blades and hundreds of rounds of ammo in various calibers. That was on Western Air, from Anchorage to Seattle, in 1980.

    There is no place worth going, on this planet, that is worth surrendering the only life I am ever going to own to horrendous misfits.

  2. I am not authorised to speak on behalf of Qantas; even so, we in Oz are sorry that Qantas are being very uncivil to you and Angie.
    Apart from Qantas… I have a number of rifles, guns and pistols. (Main problem is the regulations state where I can, and cannot use them. Self-protection is not allowed). I once had a pet carpet python (until Mum kicked up a stink and threatened to leave home if the snake was not evicted) .
    No crocodiles south of Brisbane (pity – they could eat a few of the self-engrossed twits at Surfers Paradise if they get that far south).
    Cricket – I am stumped for suggestions.
    Hope both of you get to Oz one day

  3. I can watch live cricket year round. What season? Yeah the US national team sucks, but so do the Windies (Brian, Curtly and Courtney we hardly knew ya…). So there’s that. Here in SW Okiehoma we have an Indian restaurant that subscribes to the Willow Channel. I do despair that ESPN has dumped footy along with many other quirky sporting events when they fell in league (secured contracts) with BigSport, you bastards.

  4. Make sure she has her green card (I know it’s not green) before traveling out of country. We did a trip during my lady’s adjustment of status period with a permission to travel letter from USCIS and they almost denied her re-entry at the airport anyway.

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