Cruel Bastards

As we all know (because they never cease to tell us), the cult known as “vegans” (and its sub-cult, “vegetarians”) refuse to eat animal-derived foods because of the cruelty inflicted on the animals.

Now, thanks to !!! SCIENCE !!! we can disclose that these smug assholes are just as cruel as we carnivores are.

Plants have a sense of touch – and they can even ‘feel’ you picking their leaves. A new study has shown how plant leaves can fire pain signals, which are similar to those found in humans, to warn neighboring leaves of impending danger.

I don’t even want to think about the pitiful screams of carrots as they’re forcibly plucked from the earth, and don’t get me started on the genocide and mass dismemberment inflicted by the combine harvester in a field of wheat.

Caution:  image below may be upsetting!

This vicious cruelty has to be stopped.  We need to start a boycott of Massey-Ferguson, John Deere and other manufacturers of these weapons of mass destruction.  I know that the likely outcome will be the starvation of vegans and vegetarians, but it’s a small price to pay.  If it saves the life of one tomato…


  1. If it saves one kernel of corn, it’s worth it. Anyway, what civilian needs such a high capacity reaper as that?

  2. Me: “Vegetarians, with their dietary self-righteousness, are the Pharisees of our age.”

    Vegans: “Hold my beer…”

    (By the by: you probably know this already, but the wheat stalks in the harvesting picture are already dead.)

  3. There’s always humanitarian……

    Fisher’s Chant
    Leslie Fish

    Come up. Come up, oh sweet thresher shark
    One of us today will die
    One will go down the other ones throat
    Beneath the pitiless sky

    The Earth is thick with the numbers of men
    The poisoned soil turns cold
    So out we go to the ancient sea
    To feed as we did of old


    The gods made Man like any other beast
    For all that his pride denies
    So we must take our turn at the kill
    And all of the rest is lies


    And you who raise tame beasts on the land
    That you march to the slaughterhouse door
    May point no safe, fat finger at us
    Who risk a little bit more


    And you who buy your meat at the stores
    May raise no howl of shame
    For as you pay for the food beasts death
    You eat and you share the blame


    And you who feed on nothing but plants
    Don’t hold your pride so high
    For plants are living and just might feel
    And they take so long to die


    So come to the battle of the jaws and gaff
    At the border of sea and air
    We’ll duel for food while the old gods laugh
    By the gods, this fight is fair!

  4. On an abortive blog, I once wrote a list of “25 things you can do to mind your own goddamned business”. Item number one was “Realize that, speaking from a historical perspective, your strict vegetarian diet does not make you morally superior, but a malnourished crank. Shut up. Nobody wants to hear about it.”

  5. How do you know if someone is a Vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

    The first rule of Veganism is to not shut up about Veganism. The second rule of Veganism is to not shut up about Veganism.

    If someone is a fighter pilot, a Cross-fitter, a Jehovah’s Witness, and a Vegan, what do they talk about first?

    Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week. Tip the bartender and try the veal!

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