1. You know that cute preflight safety movie United had a couple of years back with the theme where the crew played at an island while telling you how to buckle your seat belts and find the safety exits? Well this is the crew that made that!

  2. I told my brother that when you take the cheapest flights to the islands you get what you paid for. Sucker thought half of the next lowest was a good deal, I guess you could say he doubled down.

  3. “Ladies and Gentlemen, if you check inside your ass, you will find the flotation device that was sucked up there during our water landing.”

  4. “The captain has decided to change our flight to a cruise. We’ve charged your credit cards with the fare hike for your convenience.”

  5. At last! A RyanAir flight that really *does* land right next to the beach!!

  6. “You know that part where we tell you time and time again about flotation devices? Time to see what you actually learned!”

  7. “At this time we’d like to request that those flying Coach please stay in the tail section, so that our First Class passengers may disembark. Thank you,”

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