5 Worst Things To Say Or Hear At The Altar On Your Wedding Day

Ranked in order of awfulness:

  • “I thought you had the ring.”
  • “I take thee ummm… what’s your name again?”
  • “What do you mean, you filed for bankruptcy yesterday?”
  • “My mother’s joining us on the honeymoon.”
  • “Honey? I think you forgot your Maxi-Pad…”

and a bonus (from Doc Russia):

  • “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

You suggestions in Comments…


  1. (prospective wife to her soon to be husband): “You should probably know that the sex change isn’t complete yet and I’m out of my hormone supply. “

  2. Actually heard at the altar at my wedding:

    “There’s only one ring.”

    Somehow, my ring fell off the pillow. (Her ring was still there, of course.) The knot came loose. And it was an outside wedding, on grass, with about 100 feet from the building door to the actual wedding spot.

    Took a pause, co-opted all the kids there (I recommend having dozens of soon-to-be nieces and nephews at your wedding), found the ring in the grass in about 180 seconds, and finished the ceremony.

    1. At least there’s an “Ann” in there. Without her, the thing would be ineffably tragic.
      Unless, of course, “she” is actually a trannie.

      Excuse me, I have to go and throw up now.

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