No Chance

When I was at university in South Africa back in the early 1970s, our group of friends developed a game known as “Poor Man’s Monopoly” using a regular Monopoly game, but wherein each contestant started off with no money whatsoever, collected only $20 (not $200) when passing GO, and the winner was the the first player to own any property at all. (Let me tell you, those little brown properties next to GO became much sought after.) And of course, the “Chance” cards which casually allowed a player to collect $5 from each of the others could cause a fistfight. The only “Chance” or “Community Chest” cards we stripped out were the ones requiring income tax payments — because, obviously, no one earned enough to pay taxes and we didn’t want to see our friends committing suicide. The games took forever to spit out a winner — kinda like life itself, really — and were played in an atmosphere of grim desperation — once again, kinda like real life.

Which brings us to this wonderful concept.

According to Black Lives Matter (and their White liberal supporters), this is their life, according to the White Man’s Monopoly rules:

Suggestions for the “Chance” and “Community Chest” cards in Comments, please. As always here on my back porch, political correctness and trigger warnings can be safely ignored as long as it’s funny.

By the way: I didn’t spell “Monopoly” with the little circled R after the y because a.) I don’t know how to create it in WordPress and b.) fuck you, Parker Brothers’ lawyers or whoever.


  1. Humour can be very subjective. Hopefully, some of the following qualify –


    Go back to jail free.
    Civil asset forfeiture strikes! Lose any money you have to the bank.
    Benefits day! Collect $5 (food stamps) from the bank.
    Your lawyer finds video of the LAPD beating you senseless. Collect $200 compensation from the bank.

    Community Chest:

    You win second prize in a crack ho contest. Collect $10 from the bank.
    Get shanked in the showers. Spend next three turns in the prison hospital.
    Your marijuana crop matures. Collect $100 from the bank.
    Work your way out of poverty and become productive member of society. You win the game! (Unless there’s no more than one new moon in the month, in which case, go to jail.)

    Playing pieces:

    Pumped-up sneaker
    Baseball cap
    Crack pipe
    Pitbull terrier
    9mm pistol

  2. Latest Black Community Leader exposed as a race-pimp fraud. Take three rolls of the dice at one time to simulate running around and shouting.

    Realize that the Democrats Progressive politicians you keep voting for are the ones who ruin your schools, institute occupational licensing laws that keep you from working, and hire the cops who fuck with you. Congratulations, you get to quit the game and do something else.

  3. If you used Windows, you can get the little circled “R” by navigating to the Character Map in Accessories, it’s one of the default symbols shown under the font family “Arial.”

  4. You can also enter the ® character directly by holding down the Alt key and typing 0174 on your keyboard’s number pad. It has to be the number pad; typing on the row of numbers at the top of the keyboard won’t work.

    If you run the Character Map application and select a character, it will tell you what Alt-XXXX combination you can use in the lower-right corner.

  5. Chance:
    1. Riot breaks out. Loot electronics store to upgrade your flat screen TV and game console.
    2. You come across a lost Asian tourist in the ‘hood. Lighten his wallet of $200.

    Community Chest:
    1. You score a batch of crack. Collect $10 from each player for their fix.
    2. Your crack ho GF tells you she’s pregnant. Skip town.

  6. Chance:
    You’re cruelly and senselessly murdered while trying to steal a policeman’s pistol and murder him with his own weapon, after committing a strong arm robbery at a convenience store.

    Community Chest:
    Your mother sells the T-shirts, collect $20 from the bank.

  7. Chance: Rev. Al Sharpton mentions your case on TV, go ahead 1 space.

    Community Chest: Rev. Al Sharpton organizes a protest regarding your case, go back 3 spaces and lose 5 turns.

    Chance: You receive an Obamaphone, collect $10!

    Community Chest: The five time felon living next door breaks into your house to steal your Obamaphone and TV, pay $40 to the player to your left.

  8. … I don’t know how to create it in WordPress …

    Concur with the hearty “fuck you” not only to Parker Brothers’ but to all lawyers; that said, the ® character is created by clicking the “special character” icon which is the omega icon seventh from the left on the second row of the editor’s box selections. The ® character is the ninth box from the left in the top row. I hope you never use it.

  9. You’ve been killed in a petty argument. Nobody cares.
    Continue to vote regularly.

  10. And for Kim, where would I be to take a picture of the Croaker Sack People?

  11. Er I guess I’m not seeing the joke. Go straight to jail only happens to criminals. Are BLM folks saying that all Blacks are criminals?

  12. Chance:
    At McDonalds, you got only 9 instead of 10 McNuggets. Call 911. Go to jail

    At McDonald’s, you spill hot coffee in your lap, collect $1 million. Blow it in three months on fancy cars, clothes, gold front teeth and playing Powerball.

    Broke, you stick up a convenience store, hit magazine release using gangsta grip, drop magazine, try to shoot when clerk pulls gun, but mag safety won’t let you, you get shot in head. Die. You lose game.

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