Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Let Freedom Ring

Gratuitous Chick Pics

…or to be more specific, Let The Girls Swing.  Some middle-aged tart thinks that British women should be more like their French counterparts when it comes to going topless:

British women, after all, still get remarkably hot and bothered over the concept of being ‘beach body ready’, as if the very idea of displaying the female form is inherently sexist or objectifying. 

At that time, I had lived in France for 14 years and, in my view, British women rather overthink all this, while the French just get on with topping up their tans. 

Let’s not even talk about American women’s attitude to the above topic.  The Puritan spirit lives on…

As a red-blooded heterosexual man, I could easily smirk and urge Teh Wimmens to follow the suggestions of Miss Brick, because anyone familiar with these pages knows that I am an unashamed admirer of les seins impressionnants, as witnessed by my frequent paeans of praise for this part of the female anatomy as personified by proud breast-bearers such as Salma Hayek, Nigella Lawson, Carole Vorderman et al.

I think you get the picture(s).

I also know that there are the Fussy Ones out there — the people who might whine that if toplessness were to be confined to such as the above, everything would be dandy.

“But FFS Kim,” they say, “there are an awful lot of women out there who shouldn’t be displaying their uncovered frontage!”

I say this:  if in the name of our Second Amendment freedoms I can put up with ugly-ass guns like Glock or H&K, then we men should be similarly accommodating to the occasional sight of, shall we say, less than ideal examples of womanly pulchritude.

In other words, to quote Derek Robinson, just relax and enjoy your problem.  I also say that if we get the chance to see things like this:

…we should accept the fact that we will occasionally be exposed to this:

You may call it whatever you want, but I just think of it as

,,,and we all know how important that is, n’est ce pas?

In fact, for the month of July, all Caption Competitions will feature pictures of naked women.  That’s how strongly I feel about it.

News Roundup

Bad News

And speaking of dildos:

From the Woke News Desk:


...I know, I know:  these roundups are meant to be bad news.  And:


...and if ever there was a company that shouldn’t have done this nonsense at all...


...thus alienating all three of their hardcore LGBTOSTFU fans.

And in Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:


...just another moment of idiocy among thousands of hours of the same.


...hammering the point home, so to speak.

In The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© News:


...questions?  Yes, you in the back?  Ummm yes I think that being tossed out of helicopters at 500 feet above shark-infested waters may also be somewhat offensive to them.


...see above (and below).


...keyword:  Massachusetts.

And in parallel news:


...sorry, Ramiro:  finding Jesus and being regretful may help you later, just not with the Texas justice system right now.  Adios, asshole.

Still on crime matters:


...wait, what was the middle bit, again?

In Election News:


...well okay, except:


...not that they would ever be bothered by any inconvenient laws, or anything.  Still, let me be out there first:  Biden Didn’t Kill Himself.

In Miscellaneous News:


...no link because mass vomiting.

And now, some truly
(featuring EXTRA Kardashian!)
        …ummm no.  

...if it hasn’t by now, Toots, it ain’t gonna.

And in Celebrity Gossip:


...and, according to her one-time boyfriend, sexually insatiable as well:

Who knew that about Winona Ryder?

And that’s all the news fit to complain about.

News Roundup

Bad News

And still talking a load of Bols:

From the Everybody Panic!!! Department:


...that’s “monkeypox” to you and me, but it was changed to “Mpox” lest Al Sharpton got offended.

In the Department of Health:


…

From Straight Talk Central:


...of course he’s right, but that’s soooo intolerant not to mention rayciss.  And speaking of raycissm:


...so is the U.S. Olympic Basketball team proof of Reconstruction legacy, then?  Asking for a friend.

From the War Department:


...and why not?  Are they not the equals of men?
#MeToo


...and let’s draft her first.
#WaitWhat #ElvisPresley

From the Travel Agency:


...and all that money wasted on a Third World airport.

From the Ministry of Truth:


...if he were the President of the Planet Zarg, perhaps.  But here on Planet Earth:


...I wonder how he got that done?

In Election News:


...can’t keep a good woman down, can ya?


...guess he discovered the truth of Hymietown.  [/Jesse Jackson]  Also:


…“but but but the Jews have always voted for us before!”

Let’s indulge in some contemplation of 

   

   ...when life imitates The Matrix.


...never mind the heartbreak, here’s the lissome Olivia:

And that’s all the news worth spreading.

Here Comes Another One

Advice, Freaks & Loonies

It will help if while reading this piece, you hum the tune to the above title (as recorded by Monty Python on their final album).

It was only last week when I slotted this little item into a News Roundup:

…and here’s an update, with a younger member of the Nostradamus Tribe being a little more cagey, timewise:

A man who has been dubbed the ‘living Nostradamus’ claims ‘the worst is yet to come’, suggesting the world is teetering on the edge of WWIII.  

Athos Salomé, 36, who is a trained parapsychologist from Brazil, is often referred to as a psychic due to the accuracy of his insights and predictions, after previously foreseeing the coronavirus pandemic, Elon Musk buying Twitter, now called X, and even Queen Elizabeth II’s death.

Now, as people worry about the escalation of conflicts and humanitarian crises, he warns that ‘a small incident’ could set off a series of terrifying events. 

Key phrase:  “trained parapsychologist” (one could be snarky and add “Brazil”, but if we’ve learned anything, it’s that these loons can pop up anywhere).

If these Nostradami actually worked as advertised, they wouldn’t be hammering on about global catastrophes — at least, I wouldn’t, if endowed with these magical powers.

I certainly wouldn’t be blathering on vaguely about nonsense like “And there shall be a great pestilence come upon the land” [at some unmentioned date, in some unmentioned country].

No, I would be ensconced in the Presidential Suite at the Hôtel de Paris in Monte Carlo, paying for my accommodation (not to mention more than a few unsavory indulgences) by plonking a grand or so on 27 at the Casino’s roulette wheel each night.  That’s at least a useful application of the magic power, and not providing fodder for some crappy newspaper’s This Week’s Things To Panic About! section.

But perhaps I’m being too dismissive.

Sarajevo, anyone?  As Bismarck once said, it will be just some damn thing in the Balkans… now that was an accurate prediction.