Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m a free spirit; I love taking risks and having sex with strangers. I’m 30 and I’ve tried conventional relationships. Boring. I can’t stand guys telling me to what to do. I can’t think of anything worse than being tied down to one person.
“From hook-up apps and dating websites to old-fashioned pick-up joints, nothing thrills me more than spotting someone I fancy and dragging him back to mine. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy risky sex in cars, down alleys, in parks and on beaches too – because I really do. Just recently I’ve had married men, toy boys, freaks, weirdoes and normals and I’ve lapped up every one of them. Finally, I’m taking life by the throat.
“I look fitter and sexier too. People are saying that I’ve got an amazing glow and energy about me – and I put that down to the great sex I’m having.
“Here’s my problem:  My folks keep nagging me to find a partner and settle down. They call me an embarrassment and a disgrace. They claim that my lifestyle is out of control and that I’m in danger of burning out.
“So the price I pay is constant grief from my old-fashioned, interfering family. Of course, they don’t know the half of what I get up to, but they can’t stand that I’m a single woman with a high sex drive and the ability to attract dishy blokes. I’ve just had the most monumental row with my older sister who called me a slut and an embarrassment. How do I make everyone understand that I just don’t care?”
— Bonks Anything, UK

Dear BonksALot:

I’m not going to get into any morality plays with you, because like a suicide bomber, you’re pretty much past redemption.  (Although I have to say that your sister has it pretty much nailed, so to speak.)

What I’m curious about is how your poor family got to know all about your freestyle bonking.  Do you tell them all about it at every opportunity?  Have others been telling them about it?  Do you post your tawdry little stories on Instagram or TikTok or whatever?

Frankly, I’m pretty sure that your next letter to me will be a complaint that your family no longer wants to see you or have anything to do with you — no invitations to Christmas dinners, nor to weddings and so on.

Go on and be happy with the lifestyle you’ve chosen for yourself.  You deserve it, and all the consequences thereof.

—

Twins Confusion

Gratuitous Chick Pics

I have spoken before about how I get celebrities confused with other celebrities when reading about them.  Here’s a recent example, that being between Emma Watson and Keira Knightley:

 

I know, they don’t look anything like each other when seen side by side.  But when I read about one, I’m thinking “petite Brit brunette with no boobs”, and I think you’ll acknowledge my confusion when those criteria are applied.

So now I have to apply a discrete mental tag to each one, such as “skinny Brit brunette with no boobs in Harry Potter” and “skinny Brit brunette with no boobs in that pirate movie with Johnny Depp”.

 

 

Of course, my life would doubtless be simplified if I just ignored reading about them altogether, but that would probably require that I quit reading my guilty pleasure, the Daily Mail.  And I don’t really want to do that, because the very definition of “guilty pleasure” is something that one gets pleasure from even though one shouldn’t.

What’s even worse is that I don’t find either of the above that attractive because “whiny voice / skinny / no boobs” (all of which they both have in common) is generally speaking a total turn-off for me.

What a mess…