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Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
True Dat
From the comments to yesterday’s post (about assholes who need a good beating) come these wise words from Reader GMC70 (who is a fine man, despite being a lawyer):
“I’ve thought for a while there should be a ‘he had it coming’ defense.”
In one of John Sandford’s Prey novels, there’s a situation where a well-known major-league scumbag has been arrested, tried, found guilty (after unimpeachable evidence) and imprisoned for the murder of an equally well-known (but minor-league) scumbag.
To everyone’s surprise, a few months later the dead guy is seen, very much alive, at an upscale cocktail party. Like all Sanford’s scenarios,the plot is quite complicated, but the question then becomes when to let the prosecuting district attorney (whom everyone hates) know about the murder victim who wasn’t.
One of the better lines is when someone asks what to do about the convicted scumbag, and the priceless response is: “Leave him where he is. You know he’s killed somebody before.”
I can’t help but think that this is not an uncommon situation in criminality — where the bad guy may not be guilty of this specific crime, but that’s not to say he hasn’t committed others.
As a hitman once explained: “These guys I’ve whacked? Most of them are seriously evil. After all, nobody takes out a contract on a nun.”
Pre-Empting History
News Roundup
In other Marketing News:
...first principle of marketing: if you want people to buy something, tell them they can’t have it. Known by everyone except politicians and Harvard MBAs.
...following the second principle of marketing: when you’ve fucked up horribly, bribe your way out of the problem. Even politicians know this one — they invented it.
From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:
...New York being well known for its warm, temperate winters and abundant electrical supply.
...back in a moment: I’m just going to borrow Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face.
From the Dept. of Nutrition & Health:
…
...thus preempting Mickey D’s new “Mouseburger” menu item.
From the Dept. of Education:
…same guy:
…and related:
...what’s the French for “multi-tasking”?
News in general:
...begging the question: if there’s no physical strength component, only intellect, then why do Women’s Poker tournaments even exist?
...some scumbag gangbanger, no doubt. Also: ask me again why I carry a gun every time I leave the house, when this latest shooting happened in the next town over.
...he could have just shot the beast… oh wait: Britishland. Nemmind.
And in INSIGNIFICA:
…
...and Austin Powers was unavailable for comment.
Finally:
...who she, you ask?
…and that’s all the news we can sea today.
Monday Funnies – Post-Coronation Edition
“But Kim… why Liverpool?”
This is why:
Anyway, that’s enough pomp and pageantry. Let’s let them wave the flag a little:
Right, that’s enough of that. Range time?
I think so.
News Roundup
And in other Medical News:
...uhhhhh no.
...thus taking away the effectiveness of the “Eat shit and die” epithet.
In the latest Woke News:
...from your mouth to God’s ear, honey.
…just accept the fact that you’ve fucked your brand, hard, in the ass — just like your precious spokesthing does. And speaking of this little asshole:
...you started it, darlin’.
…ummm is there any historical basis for the term “Minutewoman”? Asking for a friend.
And speaking of hoplophobes:
...between P.J. and Beto, it sure seems like the wrong O’Rourke died.
...works for me. Now let’s start killing a few, pour encourager les autres. And speaking of pedophile organizations:
...which I’ll believe when His Assholiness points to where the term “couch potatoes” appears in the Gospel.
...looks like they want to start something they may not be able to stop. Just sayin’.
...considering that Argentina’s total import business is lower than Alabama’s, this is ummm not significant.
And speaking of INSIGNIFICA:
…
...I know, I’d never heard of Kayla Simmons either. Does she even exist? Let’s go to the gallery:
And that’s all the news that sticks out this week.