Tag: Humor

...in a News Roundup world first, an actual piece of helpful news (ignore the silly Brit spelling).

...some of which have been used for good (video):

...and some not-so good:

...could hardly get worse… oh wait, this just in:

...but it does get a little better:

...awwww:

Time for some International News:

...probably the only way one can get through the day Down Under.

…

...I had no idea you could do the race in a Porsche — hell, even I could do that.

...hmmm, maybe humans are becoming smarter.

...there you go, bringing science into religion again.

In Food News:

...called the “Lizzo Meal”.

...so on yer next trip Over There, don’t be surprised to see Heinz cans hanging on trees.

...you had me at “Victoria sponge cake”.  Now I have to find one, and eat it.

Finally, our Celebrity News:

...you mean he learned how to do something every single Western woman does every morning of her life?  Stop the presses.

And from the not-so-top-secret files of INSIGNIFICA:

…

...other than having a neon sign on her forehead reading “I prefer pussy”, I can’t see how much more she can do to tell you that she’s a lesbo.

And in Paige Three News:

Malfunction, provocative action or delightful accident?  I report, you decide.

And diving straight into the nudes news:

...follow the link to get the location and dates etc.  You dirty animals.

Global Warming Climate Cooling Change News:

...in case you’re wondering, I’m off looking for Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face.

...yeah, there is.  All that “civilization”, “lifesaving inventions”, “engineering” and so on are all very well and good.  But what has Whitey done for us recently?

Booz Nooz:

...I did my best.

...actually, I found the reverse is true:  but then I’m a social drinker, not a solitary one.

...quelle surprise.  However, there’s no reason to wait for next week’s contradictory report, because:

...this according to noted health expert Vera Wang.

...just wait till they read To Have And Have Not.

...and from other news outfits… nope, I haven’t heard anything, either.

...I think under “Clueless Assholes” in the dictionary, you’ll find the Pals.

And the speaking of Muzzy assholes, here’s the latest from the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:

…just couldn’t wait to get after that pale infidel poon, could he?

...but apart from all that, the article was accurate.  [/NYT]

...call me old-fashioned, but I’m going to stick with the tried and tested “hang a wet towel on it” exercises.  I have no idea what vaginal peace signs are;  hippy kegels?

And in INSIGNIFICA:

...anyone who knows who these people are needs to get a life.

And on behalf of today’s sponsor, just one more item on the topic:

...yeah I know, just another BritTV breakfast show totty.  When she covers up, she looks quite normal and mumsy:

...but when she lets the girls out to play, however:

And now we’re all abreast of the news.

…back when women didn’t need “HR” to fix their problems.  And in similar vein:

...lest federal agents become exposed to lead poisoning?  Asking for a friend.

And in more Biden Administration News:

...and why not?  He already appointed Pete Buttplug as TransportSec, and look how well that turned out.

...here’s how it works, the way most people see it: if there was “negligence”, it came from not seeing Epstein’s killers going into his cell; and if it was “misconduct”, it was holding his cell door open for them.

In Foreign Bad News:

...and a nation rejoices:

Still in Britishland:

…

In Groomer News:

...perhaps another reason why Biden wants to ban lead bullets.  Just thinking aloud here, Boss.

...can you say “death spiral”, children?  I knew you could.  And:

...this is known as “lemming marketing”, FYI.

...I have an inclusive term for magazines like this one, but let’s not make Homeland Security any more nervous than they already are.

Ah yes, Africa Wins Again:

...and that was before he could get to South Africa.

Now some Global Cooling Climate Warming Change news:

...alternative title:  Sweden Comes To Its Senses.  Unlike the next lot:

...having solved all their crime, homeless and public health problems, NYC goes to the next urgent issue.

...yeah, but Over Here we have Amy Schumer, Kathy Griffin and Nancy Pelosi already, so we’re kinda used to the problem.

...Goop, the Early Years.

And in the much-loved INSIGNIFICA department:

Finally, some ShowBiz News:

…and for my Murkin Readers who are not familiar with this Brit ladypopstar:

…and here she was at the aforementioned Glastonbury:

Not a bad way to end the news, really.