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5 Worst Things To Hear From Your Boss

Friday Feature, The Worst

From the depths of Corporatocracy, in ascending order of frightfulness:

  • “There’s not enough in the budget for the bonus we promised you”
  • “You’ll have to spend six months at the new client’s office in Des Moines while we get the business settled”
  • “HR wants to talk to you”
  • “Our new CEO has a Harvard MBA”

…and the absolute worst thing your boss could ever say to you:

  • “Meet LaShonda, our new VP of Diversity Awareness”

Your additions in Comments. Graphic language and seditious thoughts are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.

Obsession

Men & Women

In My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle’s young suitor sings, “I have often walked down your street before”, but he didn’t sing about camping out on her doorstep for a year.

Here’s my question: who has the time to stalk someone to the extent that this broad did?

What started as a potential relationship on a dating site ended in a stalking nightmare for one Paradise Valley (AZ) man.
PV police say the victim met 31-year-old Jacqueline Claire Ades of Phoenix online and went on a date with her.
But things quickly went awry.
After that date, police say Ades began texting the man constantly, sending him more than 65,000 text messages. The victim told police sometimes she would send up to 500 texts a day.

That’s roughly a fifty texts an hour, assuming this chick had other stuff to do during the day, like eat, sleep, go to the can and work at a job. But sixty-five thousand texts?

At my most besotted, I only ever sent Nigella a few hundred (okay, that was one weekend, and there was gin involved).

This creature probably has carpal tunnel syndrome from all the texting. If she was in California, she’d probably sue the object of her desire for damages (and win).

Anyway, follow that link at your peril because nightmares. Under the term “bunny-boiler” in the dictionary is a picture of this loon. I bet her “dating website” pic looks nothing like this, either; yet another reason why I will never — ever — resort to that avenue for getting dates.

People are crazy, and getting crazier. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to grease the chains on the drawbridge.

Quote Of The Day

QOTD

So much for hippies:

“In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed. They produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.
“In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace. And what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.” — Orson Welles as Harry Lime, The Third Man

Coming And Going

Funny Stuff, Men & Women

I knew quite a few men in my yoof who ran this danger:

A small Australian marsupial known as the antechinus shot to fame after the discovery of two new species five years ago, when scientists revealed how males every mating season are, quite literally, killing themselves by having too much sex.
During the brief breeding period, males ferociously copulate with as many females as possible, in violent sessions that can last upwards of 14 hours – and, their bodies deteriorate as a result.
In the animal kingdom, reproduction can be a dangerous and peculiar game.

Not just in the animal kingdom, Bubba. In humans, this circumstance is known as “Spring Break” where, as is the case for the antechinus, all that’s required is a multitude of willing female partners.

(If perchance you spot your daughter or [shudder]  granddaughter in either of the above pics, I apologize sincerely.)

And for those callow young men who think this antechinal fate couldn’t possibly befall them, let me assure you:  after a single bout of frantic lovemaking, you’ll be pleasantly sated; but after four such encounters with different partners, even over a whole weekend, you’ll feel like death would be a welcome respite.

So trust me:  after fourteen partners on the trot, your internal (and for that matter external) organs, like that of antechinus, are going to resemble raw beef, eggs and carrots after a minute spent in a blender.

Don’t ask me how I know this. I still have the nightmares.