How About Just MYOFB?

Is there no end to this bullshit?

How often should you really be masturbating? Experts give weekly target for men AND women

I think the word “should” is the first word that makes my nose start to twitch, while “weekly target” follows close behind.

Of course, the answer is:  “As much or as little as you feel like”, but the real answer is “Just mind your own fucking business, all of you”.

Just in case you’re behind your weekly quota [sic], however, here’s a little assistance:

No need to thank me;  it’s all part of the service.

Growing Skin

…and I’m not talking about that skin, either.

One of the nicest things about the game of golf is that it’s a gentle one — no bodies crashing against each other, no feats of strength, no slam-dunks or soaring home runs:  just quiet, delicate and deliberate movements.

Which also applies to the subtle art of gamesmanship.  No in-your-face screaming “Bring It On!”, chest-thumping or trying to put your opponent off his shot;  just quiet, subtle digs designed to get inside his head to make him change his game, to his disadvantage or your advantage.

I remember once mis-hitting a drive which just managed to stay on the fairway, but only went for about 150 yards — whereupon my opponent asked disingenuously:  “Does your husband also play golf?” implying, of course, that I hit like a girl.

And before anyone thinks that this kind of remark is in any way demeaning to women — it isn’t, because the fact of the matter is that women can’t hit the ball as far as a man can, which is why all golf courses have a “Ladies Tee” in each hole, usually many yards closer to the fairway and green than those used by men.

So when Tiger Woods (47) surreptitiously handed his opponent Justin Thomas (29) a tampon after his drive had traveled further than the younger man’s, everyone knew exactly what he was doing:  teasing Thomas, and playing a little gamesmanship.

Did I say everyone?   Perish the thought.  Of course, Feministicals International went berserk, calling Woods a misogynist and his actions “demeaning” and “disrespectful” to Womyns Everywhere.  FFS, here’s some rancid cow’s take:

She then queried if he was implying ‘periods are embarrassing or shameful or a sign of weakness?’

No he didn’t do that, dumbass.  He was teasing his buddy, and nothing more.  It’s a golfing tradition which goes back probably over a hundred years.  Oh gawd, I can hear the cries now:  “Well, it’s a tradition that has no place in today’s game!”

Fuck you, Sheila.  If you want us to take you seriously, stop getting so upset by something so unimportant.

Stop acting like a little girl, in other words, and grow some skin.

So these humorless fucks — girlymen and womyns alike — are going to try to take Tiger down (again) for being such a pig.

Fortunately, there’s one woman with a bit of commonsense:  Paige Spirinac, who uttered the immortal words:

‘If anyone tries to cancel Tiger over this, we riot!’

…adding the priceless (and true) comment:

‘It’s funny!”

For that down-to-earth attitude, young Paige gets more than just a mention:

Clearly, she understands the situation and has the perfect response:

‘Instead of women being outraged by Tiger and the tampon, I would love for them to actually provide ideas to help,’ she tweeted. ‘ For example I would have [Tampax] team up with the PGA tour to run a campaign where they provide free feminine products at golf courses.  Most don’t actually have them and during long rounds it can be a problem for us.’

Turning outrage into marketing — now that’s a Real Woman’s response.

Exposure

Some woman is griping about men (I know, what else is new?), specifically that men get grumpier as they get past the age of 25.

The anonymous poster took to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, where she explained that a friend once told her men get grumpier as they age – and now that she’s in her forties, she has noticed this in her male peers.

…and predictably, a bunch of other womyns pile on.

Allow me, then, to propose a counter-theory:

As men get older, their exposure to women increases and accumulates… and THAT’S what makes them progressively grumpier.

Of course, I may be wrong;  but you have to admit, it’s a valid argument.

Changing Times, Changing Values

Maybe I’m just getting more indifferent in my old age, but nowadays this kind of thing is more likely to get a shrug from me, rather than outrage and condemnation:

Cheeky couple fund bucket list trip around Africa by flogging amateur porn

“We feel wild and confident about our sex life, I don’t see porn as negative in any way, plus it’s helped us financially too.

“He is the only person I have sex with on or off camera…

“We both enjoy it a lot. We have sex a couple of times a week, it’s a great stress relief and sleep medicine. We both are sexually experimental and we like to have a laugh during it.”

Well, as long as you enjoy it… it’s just another way Teh Intarwebz has made it easier to earn money, really.

It’s easy for people of my generation to shout and condemn all this, of course.  But I have a sneaking feeling that at age (say) 24, had a Pretty Young Thing suggested that we fund a trip through Europe (forget that Africa shit) by having us have an occasional bonk on camera, I might have had a different take on the whole business [sic].

And that was back in the 1970s.  In today’s more permissive climate, who knows?

Lastly, Teh Meejah have played a considerable role is lowering standards.  The above couple are described as “cheeky” in the headline;  I wonder how the headline would have read in 1978?

Way TMI

Good grief:

After a VERY satisfying roll in the hay, I knew I’d met my ‘sex language’ match

I woke up yesterday morning with a glow that can only be obtained by a good nudie rudie session with my favourite gent. For the rest of the day I was on a natural high.

Seriously, it was like I was dosed up on some kind of wonder drug – a blend of serotonin, dopamine, endorphins and a hint of oxytocin.

As I skipped about my day, I reflected on my early morning roll in the hay and realised that I had found someone who matched my ‘sex language.’

Key words:  “Australian” and “sex counselor”.  The fact that she uses Goop as an authoritative source should tell you all you need to know.

Read it all, if you have a strong stomach.

Or you can just go with the old sex-drive truism: