The Divine Harry

Harry Enfield, that is (video via Mr. Free Market), and not the ginger twat married to that Hollywood strumpet.

“Over-education [of women] leads to ugliness, premature aging and beard growth.”

Not too sure of the “beard growth”, but if he means masculinization, he’s perfectly correct.

I find these women only marginally more attractive than the ones that Harry depicts.

And if you want to see how Our Betters regard us Deplorables, his take on the working classes is priceless.  For us, it’s comedy;  for them, it’s social commentary.

Not At Any Price

Well, there ya go:

‘You couldn’t pay me enough!’ Sarah Jessica Parker asserts her no-nudity clause will remain in place for Sex And The City reboot

Sweetheart, you couldn’t pay me enough to look at anything you’ve got there.

And since when did she start looking like Barbra Streisand, anyway?

Lookalikes

Back in early 2017, I wrote this:

Now let’s assume we’ve made at least a partial leap from inanimate RealDolls to something a little more lifelike so we can take this situation to the next level. Of course, men being the fantasists that they are, it was only a question of time before sexbots could be offered in “custom” finishes: apparently, for a small premium, one can order a RealDoll which is a licensed replica (replicant?) of various porn stars. Which leads to the next logical step: why not a non-porn star, such as the lovely Mila Jovovich?

Or, for that matter. celebrities such as Paris Hilton?

‘That was definitely no – I can’t even believe they came with me with that request – pretty scary.’

You’re just lucky they even asked you.  Others might not have been so polite.

Tangential thought:  It’s a good thing that the loathsome Larry Flynt is now “the late”.  I can just see a line of “Hustler Celebrity Pussy” dolls, all made using 3D printing, yours for only $49.99 at foul-bastard-dotcom.

I also wrote, in the same post:

Needless to say, this has caused a scramble among movie stars to seek legal protection from having their likenesses used for this purpose without their consent. (As I understand it, a couple of them were too late, and anyway, I foresee a booming black market for unlicensed sexbots replicating all sorts of fantasy women.)

I guess that this is one of the downsides of celebrity — especially when you go to great pains to accentuate your sexuality, e.g. Paris Hilton:

 

Not really my cup of tea, of course, were I to choose a sex doll;  I’d go more for the “Carol Vorderman”  model.

But you all knew that.

Identifier

From now on (if I remember), I’m going to put a little dot at the end of all my posts which can serve as an “identifier” — I mean, if the LGBTOSTFU can do the rainbow thing, then why can’t I, and people of my persuasion, have their own identifier?  Here it is:

And what does that little bee-like color scheme indicate?

Obviously, it depends on your sex as to which one — women or men — that you’re attracted to.  I, for example, and hopelessly attracted to this kind of (massively heterosexual) woman:

 

 

 

I could go on (and on, and on, and on…) but I think you follow my drift, here.

The World’s Luckiest Man II

Some time back, I nominated Norman Reedus as the luckiest man in the world.  Now I see that Actor and Dork Jason Sudeikis may be challenging for the title:

Why?  Because he has slept with, serially, the following women.  First up, Olivia Wilde:

…and then, mere weeks after she left him for some pop star, he’s been assuaging his sorrow by immersing himself in the pudenda of Page 3 Girl Keeley Hazell:

Once again, for the mathematically-inclined:

Maybe it’s not luck, but that’s not for me to establish.

Pull Back A Little?

Here’s a quote from some young actor who is currently appearing in a TV show about homosexuals (which I’ll never watch):

“It is awkward, but the thing was, on the show we had people called intimacy coordinators and their jobs, they’re amazing, they’re jobs are to help with the sex scenes and everyone doing the sex scenes to feel safe and fine and not awkward.”

Here’s a thought:  if your actors are requiring what is essentially psychological counseling just to get through a sex scene, perhaps you might just want to dial back the sexuality a tad?

Look, I love me a decent sex scene:  Body Heat, Impulse, Zefferelli’s Romeo & Juliet, Don’t Look NowUnfaithful and the original The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (not the rape scene, though) — all those and more have been fun as hell to watch, and even now are still quite titillating.

The problem is that as the sexual boundaries have been pushed back on screen, the sex scenes have become not only more explicit, but more intense — and along the way, more harrowing.  Erica Jong once described porno movies as (paraphrasing) after the first ten minutes, you want to fuck somebody, and after the next twenty minutes, you never want to fuck again for the rest of your life.

Modern mainstream movies about sex are like that.  I defy anyone to be anything but depressed after watching Gaspar Noé’s Love, Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac , 9 Songs or Anatomie de l’enfer (to name the most extreme examples).  In some of the modern French movies (e.g. Anatomie), I start to feel depressed during the first sex scene, which must be some kind of record.

I’m not suggesting we go back to the Hays Code era, where the husband and wife had to sleep in separate beds, and extra- or non-marital sex had to result in the death of one of the participants (which is downright sick, sicker than the taboo sex).  But seriously:  let’s just leave a little to the imagination, shall we?

Here’s a thought:  if a sex scene means that the actors have written into their contracts that the acts must be performed by a body double,  then dial it back and ditch the sexual stand-ins.  And any sex scene which lasts longer than one (1) minute should be edited until it doesn’t.

Let’s keep it sexy, but also keep it subtle, and short.  Sex doesn’t have to be spelled out — we all know what it’s about.  Here’s an example, from Hitchcock’s North By Northwest :

Anyone remember what this scene cut to?   Yup:  here it is.  Thirty-five seconds.