Category: Funny Stuff

Top Three Sex Tips For Older Women

3 Inexplicable Things
  • After the age of 35, never go on top unless it’s reverse cowgirl. (Executive Summary:  your face looks like a bloodhound as the skin sags.)  Just beware of the reverse cowgirl too, because he’s going to get a good view of your saggy, wrinkled butt.  It’s far less stressful to do the naughty under these conditions:

  • If you’re going to go for a toyboy, the ideal formula is:  your age divided by two, and above.  If the result is less than 30, you should be ashamed of yourself.  Ignore if fabulously rich or else once fabulously gorgeous, e.g. Joan Collins.

  • Over the age of 50, never be photographed showing your knees, unless you’re sitting down with legs bent (see pics below of Jane Seymour, 74, who follows this rule religiously).

(Executive Summary:  Wrinkles around the knees are like rings on a tree:  they increase with age.)

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Sorry, Wrong Guy

Funny Stuff

Reader Brian H. set me this lovely piece of satire:

“I could find someone here in town as important as a bass player.”

Ohhhhh, that stings.


Atlantic Showband’s bass player, June 1977

In my defense, I should point out that at that particular gig I managed to bed a girl that at least two others in the band had tried it on with, and been rebuffed.

Muzzled!

Mocking Furriners, Trumpism

Here’s one that got me giggling:

Donald Trump will not be given the honor of addressing Parliament during his state visit as Emmanuel Macron did this week, The Telegraph understands.

The date of the US president’s trip is being deliberately timed for mid-September, when there is a parliamentary recess, handing the UK an excuse for not offering the speech.

Mr Trump is also not expected to visit Buckingham Palace, which is being restored, or enjoy a ceremonial carriage ride down the Mall in London – features of many past state visits from world leaders.

I’m sure the “deliberate timing” was to prevent Trump from embarrassing the Labour Party with his normal “fuck you” style of speaking in the Commons, and his uncomfortable (to them) habit of telling it like it is, e.g. “You assholes locked up an old lady for an angry tweet?  WTF?”

Never mind. I’m sure his press conferences are going to be epic — if the Brits allow them to be published or aired, that is.

The only way this could be more fun is if the Brit government were having ArgyPres Javier Milei and EyetiePM Giorgia Meloni over at the same time, for a threesome (so to speak).