Category: Funny Stuff

Thirteen

Funny Stuff

I’m not triskadekaphobic, because I’m not in any way superstitious.  In fact, I got my job at the Great Big Research Company (Seffrican division) on Friday 13th, August 1979 and I never looked back.

I knew one otherwise ordinary guy who was so afraid of the number thirteen, and Friday 13th in particular, that he would take the day off work and stay in bed, drinking only water all day.  Other than laziness, the only reason I would stay in bed in Friday 13th was if Nigella Lawson was in it.

And so would anyone else not a homosexualist.

I never understood superstitions, by the way.  I know that some of them are rooted in past customs — e.g. not spilling salt (because salt was really expensive back in the day) — but getting all worked up about a black cat crossing your path?  Give me a break.

People in Roman  times would pay a soothsayer to tell them whether it was safe to travel by having the soothsayer “read” an animal’s entrails (which had to be fresh — no PETA back then, obviously).  What people don’t know is that our Dr. Fauci can trace his lineage all the way back to Roman soothsayer Gaius Faucissimus in 87 B.C., so he’s still in the family business of making money off ignorant people.

Don’t get me started, because where superstition is front and center, can religion be far behind?

I’ll just leave the topic alone, but here’s another pic of Nigella recumbent.

Kein Zweiter Änderungsantrag

Mocking Furriners, The Gun Thing

…which means that the Krauts don’t have a Second Amendment, as witnessed by this sad tale:

Granted, there’s a law in Germanland called the “War Weapons Control Act” which says you can’t own, for example, a Pzkw Mark V (Panther) — I assume it means a working tank;   otherwise, it’s nothing more than a museum piece…

…which old Klaus-Dieter’s clearly is.

And in any event, the old buzzard is eighty-four years old;  he’s hardly likely to launch a blitzkrieg on the local municipal offices, is he?

On the other hand:  70 assault rifles?  That’s impressive, even by Texas standards, although the alleged ammo stash (2,000 rounds) is woefully inadequate — assuming they’re the Stg-44’s 7.62x33mm Kurz cartridges, that’s less than one 30-round magazine per gun.

Also not enough to launch a decent assault on the local Ampt.

Now, the anti-tank “cannon” (seriously?) — even if it’s the teeny Pak 36 with its 37mm gun — would be kinda fun to take up to Boomershoot or to use in times of, shall we say, civic fun and games.  Had it been the fearsome 88mm KwK 36…well, now we’d be talking turkey.  But unlike the Pak 36, you can’t tow it behind your Ram — it’s way too heavy, even for the 5.7-liter engine.

But whatever the actual gun, there’s no mention of any ammo for the thing, which makes it all the more ridiculous that Klaus-Dieter’s been fined a quarter-million euros for owning it and the other decommissioned items.

Final note:  he kept it all in his basement.  Some basement.

And I’d love to get my hands on one of those Stg-44s, assuming they haven’t been wrecked.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Here we go, off to work again:

And just because I have a backlog of sex jokes on my hard drive [sic], here we go:

Exclusive!!!!

Speaking of dentistry, take look at Carol Vorderman’s perfect teeth:

…also, the pearly whites of Kelly Brooks: 

And let’s not forget the dazzling smile of Christine McGuinness:

Finally, there’s Claudia Winkleman, looking a little chilly, but happy all the same:

Good luck with the week.

100% Funny… And True

Africa, Funny Stuff

Taki’s Mag’s weekly feature “The Week That Perished” is often very funny, as well as irreverent.  Last week’s piece was the funniest yet — and as is often the case, the most true.  Take for example their explanation of the South African mess:

“ZOOD” AFRIKA
The riots and looting tearing through South Africa simply cannot be happening. The images must be CGI; the news reports fake. Everyone knows that black people only riot and loot because of institutional racism caused by evil whites and their damnable supremacy.
It’s a law of physics, no more violable than gravity.
So no, it’s simply not possible that blacks are rioting and looting in a black nation because of actions taken by the blacks who rule them against other blacks who used to rule them.
In fact, the backstory of the SA riots is so convoluted, only a writer of Marvel blockbusters could’ve come up with it. The origin story involves something called the “Zondo Commission,” which totally sounds like what Doctor Strange or Starhawk would appear before while trying to find the Galubrious Cubes or the Synstricious Stones or whatever inane plot device saves the universe.

And it just gets funnier and funnier from there — and it is 100%, ultra-clean, unvarnished truth.  My favorite part, though, is this:

And apparently killing Somalis…for reasons that surely make as much sense as anything else going on in that geographical septic tank. It got so bad that last week Somalian diplomats sent a formal protest to the South African government demanding protection for Somalis living in SA. The Somalian flag is a machete-wielding warlord carving a starving child in half while eating a baby. When your nation has become too extreme for those lunatics, maybe it’s time to dial it back a bit.

I know that there’s a considerable overlap of my Readers and Taki’s, but for those who aren’t, get over there toot sweet.