Funny Stuff – Page 104 – Splendid Isolation

3 Inexplicable Things

… that happen when you’re getting old and confused, and make a shopping list to help you remember why you’re out driving your car.

You read “Scope” on the list, and end up buying both the mouthwash AND that cute little 4x Leupold that’s on sale at Bass Pro.
There’s an item called “Gum” on the list. Because you left your reading glasses at home and refuse to ask for help, you buy both Doublemint AND a .22 rifle at Academy, just to be on the safe side.
You see “Screwdriver” on the list, so you stop off at Lowe’s AND get arrested for DUI on the way home.

Don’t even ask me what happens when you read “Coke”…

This getting old thing ain’t for the faint of heart, lemme tell ya.

Manchester United were thrashed by Liverpool 5-0 over the weekend, leading to brilliant jokes like this one:

It;s not often I burst into uncontrollable laughter when reading SOTI, but this one made me do it.

For my Murkin Readers who don’t get the joke, here are some links:

See if you can raise a limp smile, or something, with any of these:

We all do, Timmy; we all do.

Now get outta here…

Yes, it’s Monday.

Kinda like the first time you tasted pussy, innit?

And in that spirit:

…or, as we’d rather see Christine McGuinness:

Now get on with yer week.

Regarding my post about the reinstatement of Comic Con and the pics of costumed chippies, Reader WVHillbilly commented:

“Usually you have women who are six sizes too large to wear a skintight costume parading around like overstuffed sausages..”

You mean like these?

Point taken. However, there are some who use their curves to good advantage:

Nothing too wrong with that.

Haven’t had one of these for a while, so here goes:

3 People who should have retired a LONG time ago, but haven’t.

Dog The Bounty Hunter — FFS, he’s like 200 years old, still epitomizes White Trash with that trailerpark hairdo and bad-boy-gay clothing which would get him thrown out of any respectable biker gang. And his schtick is older than my withered ass.

Joan Collins — another oldie well past her sell-by date, but still acts and dresses like she’s 25.

Nancy Pelosi — this drunken old gargoyle continues to cling to power long after she’s made enough money from it to last four lifetimes, and done more than her fair share to make the U.S. a socialist country.

Feel free to add your suggestions to substitute for the above, but they’d have to be really good to beat this lot.