Earlier this week there was some silly awards thing (which nobody cares about) called the “Pride Of Britain”, which as far as I can see is just an excuse for showbiz houris to show off their boobs. You’ll recognize some but not others, but I simply couldn’t be bothered with names because, as I said above, nobody cares. Here’s a sample:
You have to know things are bad when Carol Vorderman (#1) is the most restrained of the lot.
We’re moving away from the movies today, and looking at a few women who were the mistresses of various kings and emperors. First up:
Emperor Alexander II of Russia and Catherine (Katya) Dolgorukova
Next, Britain’s Charles II and…
Barbara Villers Castlemaine Palmer
Phew… it’s a wonder the old boy had any time left over to do any ruling. Anyway, now it’s the turn of:
King Frederick William II of Prussia and Wilhelmine Rietz 
Back to Britain for some King Georges.
George I and Sophia Kielmansegg
George II and Henrietta Howard
George IV and Mary Robinson
And lastly for today, from Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph I and:
Anna Nahowski
(who, by the way, was all of fifteen years old when FJ started bonking her; then again, she was already married and thus by law no longer a minor)
More next week.
Sometime ago, a commenter asked: “What happened to Nigella Lawson? You used to be so sweet on her” (or words of that nature).
Simple answer: she lost a whole bunch of weight, and along with that, Nigella got all gaunt ‘n stuff. (It’s all okay to lose weight; but sometimes, something essential is lost along the way.)
I thought I’d illustrate the point with (what else?) a couple of pics. Here’s Our Girl in years gone by:
And magnificently tousled:
Then she started to lose weight:
And had she stopped there, I think we can all agree that this would have been fine. But she didn’t:
I mean the basics are still there, but…
And a couple more reminders of days gone by:
See what I mean?
I know; she’s got older, too — but the gaunt, “skinnier” Nigella just doesn’t do it for me anymore. And that’s a Sad Thing.
As a Registered White Person Of Severely Anglo-Saxon Heritage, I have a very pale skin. When newly born, my hair was actually white-blonde, but later darkened to ash-blonde and then tawny-blonde in my twenties and thirties (and thence to gray, but we all know about that part). My eyes: blue. My skin has remained stubbornly pale — suntanning, in my case, is actually a brief period of ow-ow-ow burn red, followed by (if I’m lucky) a couple days of sorta-tanned, and then it reverts to its habitual color of white.
That’s me; but what it means is that as a paleface, I have no problem with light-complexioned women — in fact, in most cases I find pale white skin unbearably sexy. The old (Victorian?) attitude of “pale skin means ladylike, dark skin means farm worker” must somehow have wormed itself into my psyche — I have no idea if this is even possible, but who cares? — because my belle idéal has always been a pale, even fish-belly-white skin.
Hence of course my adoration of redheads. Here’s Julianne Moore, for example:
(I know she’s an insufferable liberal twerp, but I don’t want to talk politics to her; my discussions would preferably be more of a Ugandan nature.)
All this came to me when I read this little piece:
Angela Scanlon has revealed that while she’s embraced her glitzy Strictly [Come Dancing] makeover, there’s one show tradition that she won’t be adhering to. The presenter, 39, has revealed she’s drawn the line at having a spray tan during her time on the show after refusing to cover her naturally pale skin.
Angela, who is partnered with pro dancer Carlos Gu, previously admitted it’s taken her 15 years to accept her complexion, sharing the insight during an appearance on Michael McIntyre’s The Wheel, where her specialist subject was redheads.
Young Angela has featured on these pages before, so Loyal Readers will know of whom I speak. Here’s a reminder, for the forgetful / ignorant ones among you:
…and here she is in the aforementioned show:
And for those interested in such things, here are her legs, without fake tan:
I think I may need another Breakfast Gin. Or a cold shower.
Not well known in Murka, but very much so in her native Britishland, Shirley Anne Field was not a serial killer (despite the three-name thing), but she did have a massive feud with Frank Sinatra, so there’s that to commend her. And of course, there’s the rest:
And in Technicolor (to show off her red hair):
And truth be told, she aged like a fine wine:
Magnificent.
