Category: Bad News

And you’re going to need a few dry ones, after reading this roundup.  Or maybe champagne might be a better idea, in some cases.  But first:

...AND it’s rising in Sagittarius!  [/fucking bullshit]

In Business News:

Target Tanks
...couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of woke assholes.

And in MAGA News:

...you know, it’s not nice to tease us like this.

...I for one mourn the end of Afrikaans in the system.  [/sarc]

...cheaper than machine-gun towers and landmines, anyway.

...wake me when the Oklahoma number reaches 500,000.

...wait, wait:  Alligator Alcatraz, Deportation Depot, Speedway Slammer, Camp East Montana (in Texas!)… pretty soon we’re going to need a scorecard, fellas.

 
...Dominion are going to need all the money they can get because:

...and while he’s there, he’ll toss out all the machines in favor of paper ballots.

In Crime News:

...yeah, fine;  but WTF is a “registered rifle”?

...not very ladylike, was he?

Some Entertainment News:

…

...
...although I would have expected the boy to have better taste.

And now, the ever-linkless 

...are you kidding me?  Susannah Hoffs used to be cute:

...but now, at 65, she’s just flat-out sexy:

Would.

And that’s it for the news of yore.

Kebab soap?  For your mimsy?  Ah, the good old days… but for now?

...”could”.  Or not.

...will this finally force the UK to adopt this new thing called “air conditioning”?

Latest news from Commieland, Inc.:

...Stephen, you silly boy;  the reason the Missouri store failed was because it just wasn’t done properly.
#StandardCommieExcuseForFailure

More Commie bullshit:

...I just wonder what color the sun is on his planet.

And speaking of gun control:

...for those who don’t know, that would be: “soon-to-be-ex-Texas-Senator” John Cornyn.

...the Glock 21 never even made it the three blocks from the collection point to the cop shop.
#Chicago

From the Hearts Of Stone Department:

...trying to find a problem with this situation;  nope, sorry.

...bloke didn’t have access to Kim’s #1 Seagull Repellent, clearly.

...there was an “alleged” in there, but it’s all irrelevant now.  And quit that mocking laughter.

And from the Dept. of Health:

…

Speaking of death:

...if graves were still being dug by sextons rather than with Kubotas, I might agree.  But as it is:  that cemetery is a fucking chiseller.  

...wait:   Illinois did something right, for a change?
#Faint

From the files of the Department of Righteous Stabbings:

...that’ll teach him.
#FloridaMan

And we know what’s next in the roundup — 

 

And as we venture down :

...still the best surname in show business.  The rest ain’t bad either:

And of course, those dancer’s legs:

She’s the best thing to come out of Ukraine… well, ever.

And on to DaNooz:

...”While it is almost certainly impossible in reality” tells you all you need to know.

...California, Washington and Oregon most likely to be affected, huh?  Hmmm… maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to pooh-pooh it.

...big deal;  we already have them here in Texas, no nukes needed.

...oh, why not? They’ve already made me somewhat allergic to bioethicists — “allergic” in the sense that I want to shoot these particular ones in the face.

...someone remind me:  when was the last time Germans felt this way?  Oh, that’s right:  back in the 1930s and early -40s.

From the Golden Shower State:

...so we’ll give him a fair trial, and then hang him.  Oh, wait...
#California

From the Dept. of Education:

...nothing will happen to the teacher.
#Chicago #TeachersUnion

Our Mother Of The Year Award:

...and a pic of Mommie Dearest should explain it all:

In International Crime News:

...didn’t look under the sofa cushions, eh?

In Sports News:

...heheheh:  “dildo pandemic“.  Oh, and a quick correction:  there’s only one “star” in the WNBA, and it wasn’t Caitlin Clark who was hit by the dildo.

And in Not-So-Entertaining News:

...should have ended about 18 years ago, when he stopped being funny.

And now, the ever-popular and ever-link-free 

 

  ...they’re gay?

And as we follow   over to the golf course:

Paige Spiranac’s skintight golf outfit makes fans beg ‘to play a round’ with her 
...here’s a video, and in case you’ve forgotten who we’re talking about:

So let’s take a hard drive out of the news.

Never mind all that “gold-digging whore” stuff…

...I’m just surprised they didn’t use AutoTune.

Time for some :

...bent ol’ Ursula over the desk, he did — and the EEEEWWWW knows it.

...not that this would be too difficult.

...wait: you mean we can go back to driving the cars and trucks we want, use toilets that flush properly, and not have to depend on solar power in midwinter?

Of course when we read the above good news, can Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© warnings be far behind?

...is there anything climate change can’t do?  (And before you rush to check, the report is total bullshit.)
#NoSurpriseThere

...next:  ban heating oil for furnaces, because New Yorkers deserve to fucking freeze to death for electing the same asshole politicians time after time after time.

And now,

...keep it going, guys.

…

And speaking of child molesters;  this from the Dept. Of Education:

...why would he need “pressure”?

#StupidKid

And in our Hearts Of Stone Dept.:

...yeah, well
#India

In Political News:

...that’s too bad, ’cause it could have pushed CA over the edge into complete ruin.  Even worse, this means she’s probably going to run for POTUS again.  [cue political laughter]:

Some Celebrity News:

...what’s left for Meg ‘n Ginger?  OnlyFans.  (You heard it here first.)

And yet again, some link-free 

Alesha Dixon reveals surprise career change as
she makes major move away from music
...oooh Britain’s got talent (and legs, especially legs), all right:

And on that note, it’s time to leg it outta here.

Gotta say, if you have to use Lysol on that stanky thang, then you won’t be worried by this next item.

...then again:

...hard to argue with that one.  Also:

...brought over, no doubt, by the small-boat fuzzies.

From Page One in Showbiz News:

...”better” being such an objective judgement, yes?  As long as a law is passed saying that all A.I. movies contain those letters in the title, e.g. “Gone With The Wind (A.I.)”. 

In Crime News:

...which is one of the reasons why I never go shopping without being armed.

...just how much worse could her day get?
#India

...and was then given a stern telling-off before being sent home to tea with his mum.
#BritishJustice

Fresh from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

...”but Kim, how will it keep them from escaping, without being surrounded by alligators?”
#Landmines

Majority of Germans Oppose State Ban of Anti-Mass Migration AfD Party
...mein Gott, letting ordinary people decide this kind of thing instead of government?  You mean actual… democracy?  Where would it all end? 

UK Gov’t Scrambles to Restore ‘Social Fabric’ as Migration Divisions Threaten Further Riots
...they’re not going to let the People decide this one, either.
#ShutUp #BloodyPeasants

From the Department of Education:

...best part is that the deputy head was a woman, and the art teacher a man.  Poor guy never stood a chance.

And still on the topic of sex education:

...redefining the term “showjumper” for all time.  Also:
#Wales

In the Darwin Report:

....

...not sure that the little twerp’s opinion should matter much, but whatever.

And now, the stuff you’ve all been waiting for: 

And the view on :

...okay, she’s crazier than a sackful of cats and a semi-lesbianist to boot, but I think we can forgive her because reasons.

A good way to end the news, I think.