Category: Bad News

Today’s sponsor:

And in other health news:

…

...we know, dude — ’cause most of them seem to have ended up in Texas.

...like tossing a pebble into mud:  one small plop, no ripples, silence.

...there seems to be a lot of this going on, and it’s about time.

...it’s almost enough to make me want to go back to shopping at Target… nah, not yet.

...I like this, if only because now they won’t be able to slip in a verse from the Koran, either.

...living down to all my expectations of him.

...welcome to MY world.  Fuck Joe Biden.

And from INSIGNIFICA:

...no doubt she’s all embarrassed about her wrinkles and dried-up old mimsy flaps.

  ...hook up with these guys, sweetie: …that’ll show him.

...I actually tried this, as a service to my Readers.  And it tastes as bad as you think it would.

Finally, in Paige Three News:

...I’d share the link and pics, but I refuse to be responsible for all those exploding erections.

Oh, what the hell…

And that’s it, for the news.

Brought to you by the makers of:

And in other sickening news:

...to make sure their investment is still bearing fruit, no doubt.

...the perfect response would have ChatGPT write the libel brief.

...keyword:  South Africa.  Also:

...because Australia, of course.

...man deserves an Oscar, not to mention danger pay.

...git ‘er done, guys.

...just another “hold our beer” moment.

…

...ordinary ol’ crabs not good enough.

...and about time.  Also:  whack that fucking Soros prosecutor while you’re about it.

...oh, be my guest inside that link.

In the INSIGNIFICA:
       

And in the Paige Three Department:

Yeah, I know, I know:  some Spanish guy won the tournament.  Damn furriners come to our country, win our golf tournaments, steal our blond Murkin wimmens…

Well done, amigo.  On all counts.

And so much for the news.

Brought to you by:

And in other breathtaking news:

...which would have been doubleplusungood, had they actually done that (unlike what the lying headline insinuates).

...and not even one of those scawwy Cold Steel Assault Hatchets, either.

...keyword: Australia [duh]

...keyword: Austr- …wait: Minnesota?

...and in other Hollywood producer news...

...a common fear among those with no actual talent.

…

...them Pennsylvania farmboys take “Yo’ Mama” insults badly.

...and it’s called “shagging”.  Where would we be without scientists?

...taking no chances.  Still trying to find the problem here, though...

...one’s only for hubby, and other is for her porn partners.  I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

And the INSIGNIFICA for the day:

    …and again: 

Finally, in Celebrity News:

…and our Reader Quiz:  Jennifer Aniston — one-night-stand OR long weekend?

 

Your responses in Comments.

Brought to you by:

And other things that leave a bad taste in your mouth:

…has anyone seen the cost of guns recently?  It can’t get any harder.

...in other words, an “Influencer” award.  Everybody get excited.

From the Dept. of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change:

...time is always “running out”… and then it doesn’t.  All these fucking fearmongers need to be thrown into a deep pit and buried so we don’t have to put up with their wailing anymore.

...frankly, I’m ready for ALL the millennial obsessions to be over.  See next item:

...winner of the “Millennial Headline Of The Year” award.  And:

...“ditching booze”… ugh, what a revolting thought.

...oh, the perils of your language having a tiny vocabulary. [/France]

In XXX News:

...my question:  who would be a “fan” of a porno actress?

...just the latest in oh-so many, Mike.

...uh, let’s classify this as a First World problem, shall we?

And in INSIGNIFICA:

 

...and the answer is… in the link.

And finally, in Sports News:

And without her fan costume, so to speak:

And if there’s any more news, I don’t wanna know about it.

Brought to you by:

From the Dept. of Dirty Mimsies:

...just as Hillary Clinton said in 2016.

...I wonder how many other women in the world would swap teams for a billion smackers?  Depressing, innit?

...oh FFS, kill me now.

From the Dept. of Health:

...influenza and head colds were not available for comment.

And in the Education Dept:

...and not just in monetary terms, either.

...forget it, Jake.  It’s Hymietown.

In Furrin News:

...sometimes, even the Italians are worth emulating — and I am loving EyetiePM Meloni a little more each day.

...Dream, meet Reality as BMW, Mercedes, Volkswagen and Porsche workers face layoffs.  Belgian auto industry would be untouched.

...no doubt, they’ll still be killing each other for centuries over this one. [/Balkans]

...talk about a no-brainer.

Back Home:

...like that’s ever going to happen.  And when Garland & Co are led to the killing pits on the Glorious Day, they’ll wail plaintively, “But what did we do to deserve this?”

...which reminds me, I need to get some more ammo en route to the range today.

...or not.  Most likely not.  It’s not Disney, after all.

...ah yes:  Captain Nobody, striving for relevancy as always.

...#1:  upright, at the checkout register at Tiffany’s, holding his Amex Black Card.  Multiple City.

Time for INSIGNIFICA:

...algorithms strike again.

Finally:

…and that’s all the news you can bare.

Brought to you by:

Let’s pour that stuff on our hotdogs… wait, did I say wieners?

…West Hollywood and Greenwich Village are on lockdown, just in case.

…they’re gonna need them all when Russia invades their country, you see.

...it’s not the wangers that will offend them, but the hurricane of farts.

…thus making German street signs doubleplus unreadable, e.g.:

Still in Euroland:

...sometimes, I envy the French.

...ah, for the proper treatment of these woke asshole lawyers, see the next item:

...looks like Britishland might as well import these Muslim customs, seeing as they’re allowing all the others.

...”urging”:  no;  “scourging”:  oh hell yes.  We could start that process Over Here, if the Brits need any guidelines.

From the Dept. of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change:

...hell, New Yorkers can’t even use garbage disposal units.  Gas stoves are nothing.

...no whistling, got it.  Straight to rape, then?

And INSIGNIFICA reports:

     

...which is all very well — until Lizzo wears them at her next concert.  Assuming, that is, that there’s enough denim in the world.

Finally:

...I think the legal term for this is “asking for trouble”.

I was going to post pics of the above event, but no.  Just… no.  Instead, here’s a pic of Shania Twain, who’s never going to have oral sex on stage:

And that’s all the news worth summarizing… sheesh.