Category: Bad News

And you’re going to need that slug of gin to survive this roundup.

…ah yes, the “experts” at the International Monetary Fund, with their stellar track record of global financial predictions and management. [/snark]

In :

...and about damn time, too.

More Political Stuff:

...it’s Illinois, so he’ll just be replaced some other terrorsymp Commie asshole.  And the only “torch” I’d like to pass is the one I’d use to light his execution bonfire.

And still on the topic of Commies:

...and to think she was once my “representative” back when I lived in Chicago.  I used to write to her often, but she always ignored me — possibly because my salutation was “Dear Commie Bitch”.

...let’s embrace the healing power of “and”, shall we?

From the Police Blotter:

…well, so much for her Secret Service protection detail.  Also:

In International News:

...just another day in Merrie Olde England.  As is this one:

…

...crappy car, nobody cares.

In Sad Business News:

...no matter how famous the backer:  if the product is shit, nobody’s going to buy it.

Finally:

...I’m sorry, but “Whoopi Goldberg” and “going down” should never appear in the same headline.
#VomitAlert

And speaking of vomiting:

...I was unaware that lesbian porno movies required the services of a fluffer, but there ya go.

And in today’s 

 

And in our weekly stroll down :

Liz Hurley Is Now Bonking Billy Ray Cyrus
...well, after Shane Warne, nothing can be too disgusting, I guess.

And if he thought his heart was all achy-breaky, wait till he sees what she can do to his nether appendage.

And on a related note:

...I mean, what’s the point of stealing all that technology from the U.S. when you can’t sell it back to them?

...yeah, let them steal jet technology from Airbus, for a change.

Speaking of Chinese work practices:

...but but but if this happened in Norma Rae Country, where is the Textile Workers’ Union in all this?  Oh… they went out of business when all those textile jobs moved to China, huh?
#IronyCentral

And from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

...as if that were a surprise.

...to be filed under “Politicians’ Broken Promises”.  Now, if the incoming Reichkanzler was from the AfD party… but that would be schrecklich.

...silly people, that was the Labour Party’s plan all along, you racist Enoch Powell supporters.  That’ll teach you to vote Conservative.

...wait:  you mean there are illegal Mexican immigrants in Chicago?  I am shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you. [/Captain Renault]

Let’s Trust The Science:

...what’s that, Lassie?  Loud hoofbeats, you say?
#JapanNotChinaSurpriseSurprise

In Crime News:

...just wait till you see why he was in jail before you get all judgey.

...so you see, children:  smoking cigarettes can be bad for your health.  Also, Muslims.

Oh, and 

  (no link because paywall)
...I bet most of them just thought the Earth was moving for that other reason.
#SexManiacs

...okay, who’s doing all that unseemly cheering for the earthquake?

Oh.

And now ’tis once more time for 

   

...I know:  all names courtesy of Scrabble / illiterate parents.

Just checking in with Train Smash Times:

...she never fails to delight us all.  However, the next TSW is a real disappointment:

Lindsay Lohan, 38, looks phenomenal in a sexy leather corset as she hits the cover of Vogue Czechoslovakia
...and here she is:

And as we remember her fondly from those Train Smash times:

...oooh, I can forgive anything for those freckled young boobies.

And we begin today’s Roundup with someone who really needs to rub one out:

...”stand up against”?  We all voted for sick and cruel deportations, you dumb bint.

And another one who needs rubbing out, so to speak:

...nobody cares what you think, you degenerate, corrupt Commie fuck.  You’re the American equivalent of Tony Blair:  an unwanted has-been, all of whose destructive policies should long ago have been tossed into the gutter where they belonged.

And speaking of Obamas:

… ...because like Hillary Clinton, you only got your (undeserved) fame because you happened to marry someone who went on to become President.  Otherwise, you’d still be an anonymous functionary in some Chicago hospital… maybe.

More candidates for the above treatment:

…

From the Department of Irony:

...they don’t hate the speech;  genetically, they just have no sense of humor.
#AskRobinWilliams

Some Lawn Order News:

...so just harpoon the motherfucker.  Sheesh, do I have to think of everything?
Update:  they killed him anyway, with the needle, without any problems.
#JusticeIsDone

7,000-Year-Old Female Corpses Found In Remote Grave
...all clutching papyrus sheets bearing Epstein’s client list, no doubt.

From the Department of Education:

...now if he’d just bonked Mommy, there’d be nothing to report.  Dumbass.

...and of course it’s all Hubbeeeee’s fault.

Hot off the #MeeeTwooo presses:

Helen Mirren:  The James Bond Movies Are Sexist
...really?  What was your first clue, Hel?

And as we plunge ever deeper into the waters of 

   

...not at all bad for  69  I mean 59 (although 69 would be nice too, if you get my drift):

And some others, just for kicks:

…and in even more disturbing news:

...and pretty much to all other kinds of attacks, e.g. illegal immigration, but we won’t go there.

...well, if the Swiss are getting alarmed…

...are these the same as the Covid vaccine scientists, Michael Mann, and the “scientists” who designed the Food Pyramid?

But wait!  Stop panicking!

...no kidding.  Never mind:  next week, another group of scientists will call bullshit on this report.  “Ignore all of them,” you say?  Indeed.

...yeah, and fewer children drown in a world without oceans, lakes, floods, swimming pools and bathtubs.  What’s your point?

In International News:

...”until we decide to invade and occupy Siberia, of course.”

...said link is only worth following for a good look at WH Spokeschick Karoline Leavitt’s rather impressive superstructure.

Now we look at a fresh topic:  States Behaving Not-So Badly:

...works for me.

...welcome to the club, guys. But wait till you see what the Mormons are doing:

...excellent.  No freak flags on government property.

...oh stop it, now I’m giggling.

...I like the sentiment behind this one.  It feeds my inner libertarian.
#ScrewBigGummintMandates

And in Sex Wars:

...well, duh, dude — oh wait, “Chapell” is a lesbianist.  Never mind.

In Vigilante News:

...I’ve heard of protective parents before, but damn.

The hills are alive:

...oh FFS, Neil;  like Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg, you’re not important enough for Trump to worry about.

Now it’s time for the “I don’t really care, Margaret” news, a.k.a.

 

...no, I don’t know who any of these people are, either.

And in our weekly stroll through the streets of :

...damn, Roller Girl honey;  you definitely need a few more pasta dinners in your life.

Same bikini, seven years ago:

Back to the present:

We should all age so wonderfully.  And that’s all the news worth (un-)covering.