Category: Bad News

So let’s start off with some calls for government bastardy.

...just what we needed:  more nanny regulations that don’t work.
#NobodySmokesAnymoreAfterScareLabels #YeahRight

And speaking of things that didn’t work:

...actually, you can substitute almost any word for “homelessness” (diplomacy, healthcare etc.) and it would still be true.

...fuck me, if they did that in Texas they’d go out of business in a week.

...I’m thinking that it may be time to start shooting the “protestors”, but no doubt someone’s going to have a problem with this.  

On a lighter ICE note:

...why is this ICE news?  Because it should be.
#RaiseTheDrawbridge

And in related news:

...one would hope that the USDA had been doing this from the very beginning, but one would be hopelessly naïve.

...see the above comment.

From the International Court Of Justice:

...to prove that even the terrorists can get it right occasionally.

Related:

...given who’s enraged, he must be doing the right thing.

From the Dept. of Education:

...hey, as long as the baby wasn’t in the bed with them, right?

From the Dept of the Blindingly Obvious:

Doctor Tells Kim Kardashian She Has
‘Low’ Brain Activity
...easiest diagnosis in medical history.  And:

...say it ain’t so!

News from the Dept. of Commerce:

...wait:  I thought that Trump’s election was going to tank the economy;  all the cool kids said so.

And from the Dept. of Health:

…

Oh yeah, how about some

 

And as we motor down :

...I know, pictorial evidence required:

I think you get the picture(s).  And as for the news, that’s it.

Speaking of “letting go”, there’s always a good time, with

...now all we need to do is get rid of that stupid law that mandates state education for all kiddies, regardless of immigration status.

...as futile gestures go, this makes the Animal House parade disruption seem earth-shattering.

…

...let’s not forget Dallas, guys.  We’ve got plenty of illegal-immigrant crime to take care of, down here, and it’ll boost your numbers bigly.

And in related news:

...fair trial, followed by execution.

...see above.

...see above.

...a.k.a. irrelevant themes for an irrelevant conference.

...I would say “co-equal”, but who’s counting.

...why are we still listening to this horrible scold, anyway?

In the War On Terror:

...about damn time somebody did.  And speaking of terrorist orgs:

...so for all those asshole Greens who want to do that in the civilized world… stop that shit.

...I would have been a better choice, but this might not be too bad.

...somehow, me old darlin’, I just don’t think that’s going to be much of a danger for you.  And:

...first time I’ve ever heard the term “salacious activity” applied to wanking.

And now for some true 

And as we scan the view on :

...my favorite Pussycat Doll.  And not bad for a semi-centenarian.

   

And on that recumbent note, we can end this thing.

Why do I love the old days so?  Anyway, here’s some stuff about the modern day:

...never mind;  I predict that pretty soon, cross-country skiing will become an important tourist attraction… in Ireland.  So there’s that.

...not that Iceland was ever a relevant country, other than as a NATO airbase.

Yet more

…

And speaking of The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© :

...and once more, let’s play the “national origin” game…
#Muzzies #NoPrizes

Coming out of the Police Blotter:

...Commie bastards spying on some other Commie bastards.  Also:

...and yet he’s very much alive and the President, and you’re dead, you filthy pedophile.

...I miss the old Son of Sam days, when it was at least a dog.  When you’re taking your orders from insects… I blame the Democrats.

And from the Dept. of Education:

...one wonders how this silly bitch thought it was going to end, but that presumes a mental state capable of thought.  Ditto this one:

...giving a whole new slant to the term “Phys Ed”.

Here’s something from the Dept. of Health:

...and no, this time it wasn’t Britishland’s legal system.
#WTFAustria?

...life as Michael Corleone’s wife must have been tough.

And in this week’s (blessedly) un-linked 

And in our Possibly Fake Headline section:

...what? you know the judge would do it if he could.

And running headlong down  :

...you know, I just can’t help thinking that our Kimmie might just do better at her exams if she spent more time at the books than doing this kind of thing:

No man should, although so many have.

And that’s the news as it was, sorta.

...wait, you mean that I sold my Chevy Suburban and bought a Prius for nothing?

In

...only 25?  They need to pump up those numbers or else we’ll think they’re just not trying hard enough.

...forgive me if I think the term “migrant economy” should not exist in the United States.

…

And similarly in The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© :

...of course, his motive is a total mystery to both law enforcement and the press.
#France #Unexpected

...see above.
#ThanksAngelaMerkel

...in which we play the “Guess The City” game.
#Minneapolis

In International Hunting News:

...probably a whole lot cheaper just to hire a bunch of good ol’ boys from the Appalachians to do the job.

From the Sports Pages:

...yes, this will absolutely help Nike recover market share.
#BudLiteFuckup

From the Dept. of Education:

...the word “allegedly” is in there somewhere, but we all know the truth.

...Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face is in danger of perishing from over-use.

Time for some 

…

In our Almost True Headlines section:

...hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.

And as we peruse the real estate listings in :

...for those who don’t know, this is ol’ Charlie Sheen’s castoff:

In the first iteration of the headline, the word “dating” was used;  I simply edited it to reflect the reality of the thing.

And if that doesn’t sour you on the news, nothing will.

Never mind what girls love or don’t love…

...wait a minute:  weren’t we told by all the experts that the climate was going to boil over next year?  So what’s with the “re-ignite” thing?

And on the same Climate Hysteria! note:

...one would think that there’d be a revolution against anyone outlawing the barbi Down Under, but the supine Aussies were well and truly cowed by the Covid Crackdown so this will probably happen without protest.  Next to be banned:  beer.

And from global cooling to

...umm 1,700 a month (errrr carry the seven) works out to about one million a year across the top 50 U.S. cities.  Impossible dream?

...as long as there are some hangings etc. to follow… but I’m not too confident.

...wait, wait:  does this mean criminals disobey all those gun control laws?  [faints]

...wait:  there are illegal immigrants in New Jersey taking jobs from hardworking mafiosi?
#Fergeddabahtit

...couldn’t agree more.  I’m thinking that one million deportations a year from now on might be acceptable.

In Global Jihad News:

...now where in Michigan did this happen, again?
#Dearbornistan #NoSurprisesThere

…funny, that:  different countries, same terrorists, same outcome.

In Election News:

...and the FBI will send undercovers to watch the observers who are watching the monitors, and then… California will just elect the usual crop of socialists into office.  Again.
#WasteOfTime

...only nine points?  They must have done the survey in the Cornell Law School faculty lounge.

From the Dept. of Health:

...and of course, nobody thought to just stick him in their car and drive him to hospital after an hour or two.
#FecklessIdiots #Scotland

Some Sex News:

...I’d love this one to be true, but there’s a distinct whiff of bullshit in the air about it.

And now for some truly

 

And from her little studio in :

...not sure she’s worth the $14.50 per month sub, but that’s just me.

So much for the news.