Category: Advice

Home Defense Options

Advice, The Gun Thing

Some honchos in the gun world have weighed in with their home defense choices:

Keeping all of this in mind, we sought out a variety of professionals to comment on their particular home-defense guns, and more importantly, why they have those guns — simply telling you they use a 12-gauge isn’t very helpful. You don’t have to be a Special Forces guy or SWAT ninja to consider their rationales, so our hope is that after you read this piece you’ll evaluate the contents of your own nightstand. While there are some brand-names mentioned, think of each configuration as a loose guideline for a given situation and not an internet special, where all the parts and pieces have to match exactly. This is about choosing home-defense equipment, not points on the ‘gram. Still, we’ll disclose all of those parts and pieces, because we dabble in gear nerdery.

Sheesh.  Talk about space-age stuff.

I’m not one of those “heavy hitters”, nor do I get free shit thrown at me by any manufacturers [sob]  so here are my home defense suggestions, based in my own circumstances.

Bedside:
DA revolver in .357 Magnum, because as I’ve said countless times before, your “people in the house, grope in the dark” gun has to be like a fork:  when you pick it up, it has to work simply and without any chance of failure.  My only “accessory” (which I don’t have at the moment) would be one of those laser pointer thingies that are activated by squeezing the grip.

Home defense:
AK-47.  I live in a suburban apartment complex, so there’s little call for any kind of animal varmint reduction.  Human  varmints, however, may be another (albeit remote) situation even in my affluent location, and I prefer an AK over a shotgun because 20 rounds are better than 2 (I don’t have a pump- or semi-auto shotgun, only a side-by-side).  (Also, nothing  says “RUN AWAY!” like the sight of an AK pointed at your midsection.)

Accessories:
Fenix FX-PD35TAC flashlight, because of the 1000-watt beam and the strobe option — which is so disorienting it actually causes nausea at the naughty end.  I carry one of these bad boys in my gilet pocket, and keep another next to the bed.

Sjambok for controlling angry dogs and/or assholes.

That’s it.  I have other options, so to speak, but the above are what I always keep (very) close at hand.  Well, they would  be kept close at hand, except for that unfortunate canoeing incident on the Brazos River a few years back.  This is just my wishlist.

About That Knife Maker

Advice, Education

You all may recall one of the Christmas presents I got two weeks back:

Well, thanks to Alert Reader Mark D, we learn the truth about “knifemaker” Ed Mehler (my emphasis):

Ed Mehler is a knife seller for Knives Ranch and that he had previously been told to stop representing himself as the maker of Knives Ranch knives he was selling (at least those with the Knives Ranch logo stamp on them).

Note that this dates back to 2014, which means this asshole is still in business.

Caveat emptor (let the buyer beware) — in my case, emptor morsus est (the buyer was bitten).

Oh well… at least I have the best-looking boxcutter in Texas.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I understand that you used to play in a rock band, so perhaps you can help.  Our gig band is in need of a keyboards player, so we set up a whole bunch of auditions.  Astonishingly, every single applicant was female, and we’ve never had any women in the band before.  The problem is that all the applicants were excellent musicians, and none of us guys can decide which one we like best.  I’ve attached pics in the hope that this will guide you to help us decide.”

— The Undecided Quartet

Dear Quartet,
Women are problematic in a rock band, for all sorts of reasons.  If they’re single, they will inevitably get a boyfriend who gets jealous of the guys in the band and will try to get her to quit.  If she’s already married, chances are that her husband will eventually start to feel the same way, AND the odds are also good that she’ll get pregnant and quit the band to look after her brat, or some such stupid reason.
I’m not even going to get into the scenario where two or more of your bandmates are going to fall in love with her and get jealous of each other;  or if they’re married, will have an affair with her thus angering the wifey — all of which means that the band could break up over the bitch.  Do you really want to have to deal with all that?
Anyway, now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s look at the pics…

— Dr. Kim

 

P.S.  Choose the one who can read music the best.  Or the one with the biggest tits.  Either is good.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,
“For some reason, or maybe because I’m an old lady in my late sixties, fashion designers and haute couture houses no longer want to ‘dress’ me for media events like movie premieres and other red-carpet affairs.  I think I still look quite nice (see attached pics). What should I do?”

— James Bond’s Former Bedmate

Dear Bedmate,

I wouldn’t worry about it.  Frankly, you look better at 70 than 99% of today’s younger tattooed prostitutes who try to pass themselves off as “models” or “actresses”;  and among the older ones like Hanoi Jane Fonda and Titsy Mirren, you look better still.
My suggestion is that you go somewhere like Top Shop or some little boutique in Chelsea, and pick your own red-carpet outfit from among their wares.  (Don’t worry if the things don’t look so good;  after all, Helena Bonham Carter has been dressing like a bag lady for years, and the glitterati all think she’s “charming” and “eccentric”, when you and I both know she’s simply as crazy as a sackful of wet cats and probably has a naked body which, very unlike yours, looks like a plastic bag of warm rice pudding.)
Then you can just laugh when hundreds of women storm the place where you bought your outfit, all hoping that if they buy and wear the same thing they’ll look as good as you did at the red-carpet shindig.  (They won’t, don’t worry.)  Then, when Vivienne Westwood or Paul McCartney’s daughter come crawling back to you to wear their latest foul offerings, tell them you prefer the Top Shop / little boutique’s lines over their overpriced dreck, and they can all fuck off.
Frankly, me sexy old darling, long after everyone has forgotten who all these pretentious little fag designers and stupid lesbo poseurs ever were, you and your movie roles will still be causing pup tents to spring up in men’s beds all over the Western world — and isn’t that a better thing, really?

— Dr. Kim

Attached pics:

(at age 60)
(at age 67)
(taken last year, 2018)
(and me in my youth… sigh)

Frying Pan, Meet Gas Ring

Advice, Freaks & Loonies

I will never forget reading some thread online where an Austinite was moaning about all the Californians moving to Austin for the tech jobs — and complaining that they were too conservative for Austin.

I hate to break it to y’all, but if you leave California because you’re surrounded by liberals and have lost your “political voice”, and then move to Austin TX (!!!), that isn’t moving at all.  You’ve just exchanged the world’s best climate for an oven, you’re still going to be surrounded by liberal assholes, and your political voice will be drowned out again, this time by liberal Texas twang.  As Mark Pulliam discovered.

So Pulliam is leaving Austin and Texas, and moving to Tennessee.  Given his poor decision-making history, he’s probably heading for Nashville.

Might as well just move to Greenwich Village and have done with it.

Not Much Wrong

Advice, Men & Women

Apparently, a list of things a wife should follow has caused all sorts of trouble on FecesBook, with womyns going all crazy and outraged etc etc etc.

Speaking personally, I can’t find much wrong with it.  The advice is old-fashioned, to be sure, but I suspect that if you asked any man what he felt about the reverse  of the advice — e.g., how do you feel when your wife screams at you (#1) or belittles you in public (#2)?  And yes, I know that a lot of the advice could apply equally to men.  That’s not the topic under discussion, here.

Ladies?

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