“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim:
“At age 50, I recently got divorced from my husband of twenty or so years, and since then I’ve been reading about the Orgasm Gap, which points out that men have more orgasms than women during sex.  Is this something worth looking at?  Quite frankly, I haven’t had sex with my husband (nor anyone else) for about the past ten years, so I’m not exactly up to speed on the topic.
“Hubby and I had sex about the average — once or twice a week — until the kids arrived, when I was too tired for that kind of thing and so our sex life sort of faded away.
“After the kids left home I decided to start my life again, so I got divorced.  Hubby seemed relieved rather than surprised, and signed the papers with quite indecent haste.
“Anyway, I see that lots of women are in my situation, and also have issues about sex.
“Do you have any advice?” — Sex Curious, Florida

Dear Curious,
So you’ve left Hubby to get on with bonking his secretary or whoever, and now you want to reignite the sex life of your teenage / 20s years?  Okay, here we go.

Are you one of those women who are capable of multiple orgasms during a single sex act?  (Assuming you can remember that far back, that is.)  If you are, then you’ll be just fine, as long as you bat in your own league and don’t do the Emma Thompson thing and start shagging 20-year-old boys.

If you’re a “once-and-done” kinda gal, you need to work on it with your partner before you start the actual bonking (what’s known today as “foreplay”, I believe) so that you can get to your Magic Moment before he gets to his, so to speak.

If you’re one of those women who take ages to arrive at Ecstasy Central, you may have to use toys (i.e. vibrators) to help the process along, because quite frankly, most men lose patience after a while and either reach their finish line “prematurely” (i.e. before you) or else quit your bed altogether and search for ahem greener pastures.

However, these are murkier waters than I care to swim in, and I see that there’s a growing trend of so-called “sexual intimacy coaches” (ha!) who claim to be helping many women such as yourself with their orgasm issues.

I would recommend that you contact one of these coaches, and in fact I happen to know one — Jasper Longstroke — who may be able to help you out.  Email me for contact details, although he seems to be quite busy at the moment.

Also, beware of imposters.  If he asks you to send him a few pics of your Pleasure Palace so he can “study the problem”, he may not be the kind of intimacy coach you need.  Ditto the guys who want to spend time in your bed, teaching you intimacy from a practical perspective.

Good luck — you’re probably going to need it.

— Dr. Kim


  1. I recently read a rather snarky but concise analysis of this issue. To wit: it is generally accepted that the male needs to orgasm for the purpose of reproduction. The female has no such requirement.
    When did it become the male partner’s responsibility to ensure/enable her happy ending? Let the modern woman look to her own knitting, as it were.
    And, yeah, I lost any respect I’d harbored for Emma Thompson. She’s an actress so the bar was already quite low, but srsly…

  2. Well darlin. You got what you asked for.

    You may have been tired, but that didn’t stop the masculine urges. I promise you your ex-hubby would have been perfectly content bouncing the springs with you, even if you had slipped a little in the body department (because we all have).

    But drying up the waterhole, simply requires the animals to look elsewhere for water.

    Dunno what else you thought would happen. Perhaps this is all just a desperate cry for sympathy from the sisterhood.

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