“Dear Dr. Kim,
“My boyfriend and I have been together for many years, and we have various routines around the house which make life predictable, and we like it that way. (Some might call it ‘boring’, but horses for courses, right?)
“These ‘routines’ even extend to the bedroom, and we have a very satisfactory sex life.
“However, recently my boyfriend asked if instead of our normal low lighting or darkness, we could have all the lights on when we make love. He says he wants to see me enjoying the act.
“Well, I won’t. I have a hangup about my appearance — I admit it — and I don’t think I could handle having him watch me flop around the bed. He disagrees, saying that after all this time together, he knows what I look like, thinks I look fine, and it would be a departure from our usual routine.
“When I continued to refuse, he even said that this might be a ‘deal breaker’ in our sex life.
“I understand all that, but I really really don’t want to do it in bright lighting. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy sex that way, and it might turn me off altogether. That wouldn’t be good for our relationship, then.
“Dr. Kim, what am I to do?”
Dear Shy:
Firstly, there’s no need to be embarrassed about your preference for sex in darkness or low light. Darkness or dim lighting has always been a mood enhancer, especially for those people who don’t look like Salma Hayek, or Brad Pitt for that matter.
Secondly, your boyfriend is a total shit for saying that this might be a deal breaker: is he going to stop having sex just because you don’t want to go along with him?
However, his shittiness doesn’t end there.
Dr. Kim’s Tenth Law of Sex says: “If a man suddenly wants to shag under bright light, there’s a 90% chance that there’s going to be a video camera involved.” So if you think you’d be embarrassed by having sex in bright light, imagine your embarrassment when re-watching the fun and games on your TV later, perhaps on many occasions. Expect your embarrassment to grow exponentially when your would-be Quentin Tarantino shares the video with his mates or with everyone in the world via the Internet.
I think your long-term relationship is going to have an expiration date. Make some plans accordingly.
— 