Here’s an interesting one:
In the wake of her breakup with Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Danica Patrick is sending out an important disclaimer to all potential future partners: “The next guy has his work cut out for him because my intuition, my standards, my boundaries, my wants and needs are, like, off the charts, because I’ve gotten to know me so much more. So it’s going to be so much more narrow and specific,” said Patrick.
When asked for a comment, Aaron Rodgers said, “Thank fuck I’m rid of that whiny, self-centered loser. I mean, look at my record:
“Seriously,” Rodgers continued, “I did all that — and what’s her record? Entered over a thousand races, won none of them except maybe some no-account shit in Japan or Korea or something.” Pausing to chug a quick shot of Gran Patrón Platinum, Rodgers added, “She doesn’t even have a decent set of tits, FFS.”
Rodgers concluded, “Sorry, guys, I gotta go. I have a date with a real woman.”
Some of the above might actually be true. But this certainly is:
Danica Patrick has confirmed that she has split up with Carter Comstock after nearly a full year of dating.
Sounds like ol’ Aaron done dodged a bullet.