Here’s an interesting one:

In the wake of her breakup with Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Danica Patrick is sending out an important disclaimer to all potential future partners: “The next guy has his work cut out for him because my intuition, my standards, my boundaries, my wants and needs are, like, off the charts, because I’ve gotten to know me so much more. So it’s going to be so much more narrow and specific,” said Patrick.

When asked for a comment, Aaron Rodgers said, “Thank fuck I’m rid of that whiny, self-centered loser.  I mean, look at my record:

“Seriously,” Rodgers continued, “I did all that — and what’s her record?  Entered over a thousand races, won none of them except maybe some no-account shit in Japan or Korea or something.”  Pausing to chug a quick shot of Gran Patrón Platinum, Rodgers added, “She doesn’t even have a decent set of tits, FFS.”

Rodgers concluded, “Sorry, guys, I gotta go.  I have a date with a real woman.”

Some of the above might actually be true.  But this certainly is:

Danica Patrick has confirmed that she has split up with Carter Comstock after nearly a full year of dating.

Sounds like ol’ Aaron done dodged a bullet.


  1. I’ve seen her drive many times

    She was as a middle of the pack driver in NASCAR, which usually meant that she would start and finish with half the male drivers in her rearview mirror

    The female fans hated her because many of them were fat and she was athletic and trim, albeit without tits

    They had no similar antipathy for male mediocre drivers

    Her relationship with NASCAR driver Ricky Stenhouse resulted from his unwillingness to marry her and breed her

    I don’t know who this newest ex-beau is, but I concur that he probably dodged a bullet

  2. I thought Danica was a beard for him. It’s been my impression he doesn’t bat for our team.

  3. All woman tend to say they’re gonna be much more picky about the next one after dumping the last one. The reality that their shopping options tend to get worse over time never ever occurs to them.

  4. Poor Danica, she is kind of like a flat-pack of boneless chicken thighs that were pushed back and overlooked in the fridge and then discovered two weeks past the use by date, looked great at one time, not too bad looking now but you know if you open that package up instead of throwing it away it will smell a few days past the funny smell and be in full noxious range of odors. I watched her race Indy and then NASCAR when she was kind of a star and lots of us wanted to see her win and the best you could say is that in spite of tons of money spent on crew and equipment she was “not too bad” but never good enough to win which is kind of the point in racing. In her prime she was then, and I guess now, kind of a little whiny bit of a person, great to look at but, keep the volume turned down.

  5. 1) Race cars run on sponsors money and Danica could bring that to a team. See Bubba Wallace.
    Most drivers understand that but some never get it thru their helmets.
    2) There is always someone else waiting to take your ride. Don’t win, break cars or be a general pain in the ass and the team makes a change. Right Danica?

    1. I remember Darrell Waltrip talking about her and saying, “You don’t want to get a reputation as a crash artist.”

  6. Danica’s hittin’ the wall, as they say. Not the one on the track, the one all spinsters face. No man, no kids, no waist, no prospects, no satisfaction. A crazy cat lady at the very edge of the bell curve for female driving talent. This makes her journeyman level at best in a co-ed race. She’d be the champion in the WNBA version of NASCAR.

  7. IDK they both sound like real shitty people to be in a relationship with.

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