OMG Rocks?

Wait… so schools are now advocating bringing rocks to a gunfight?

A Pennsylvania school district is arming classrooms with buckets of rocks as a last-ditch defense against mass shooters.
David Helsel, superintendent of the Blue Mountain School District in Schuylkill County, told ABC News on Friday that every elementary, middle and high school classroom in the district is stocked with a 5-gallon bucket full of river stones for students and teachers to pelt an armed intruder.
“We’ve been trying to be proactive just in case,” Mr. Helsel said. “How can you aim a gun if you’re being pelted with rocks?”

I’m not even going to touch the obvious stupidity in this strategy.

However, when just a week ago the Army put out a statement that new recruits are unable to throw hand grenades further than a few yards because so few fathers can be bothered to play catch with their sons these days… good grief, what a bunch of pussies.


  1. Sensible teachers will, of course, replace the rocks with sulphuric acid or something similarly nasty.

  2. I think the army grenade thing was more about women in the military than father/son not playing catch. It’s a strength issue, not a skill issue. They just don’t want to say that out loud.

    1. That was my impression too. In all the stories I read, they very carefully avoided mentioning the sexes of the soldiers involved.

      Oh well, what’s military effectiveness compared to a woman’s need to feel tough by playing soldier?

    2. There were some comments within the stories talking about the strength issues that male recruits had.
      They were being PC and didn’t want to say “he throws like a girl”.

  3. I might add to the lack of throwing ability the decades old shift from football and baseball to soccer as the preferred sport for our kids.
    The other two are just too eewwy masculine and dangerous…I mean… like…they hit things and throw things, you know, like hard!

    1. Eeh…they’re still ball games. Games for children, not sports for men. Shooting, fencing, karate…fighting arts are for adults. Not ball games.

  4. I confess that my first reaction to seeing the headline was, “You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” On reflection, I’ve decided it’s not as bad as it sounds. First, it’s better than nothing, which ultimately is what’s going to happen in terms of real student protection: nothing. Second, it’s a small step towards instilling the idea that the students can and should do something/anything in their own defense beyond cowering behind their backpacks.* And it’s infinitely better than the current blame-the-NRA drumbeat. A good next step would be to allow willing & trained school staff to be armed.

    * – I can’t find the quote but I saw that floated as a real suggestion, which very well MAY be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’d be better off identifying the fattest kid in class and hiding behind him.

    1. A bucket of rocks is better than nothing, but still. When my kids were still in school, my advice –
      – don’t get bottlenecked into an area with no escape
      – if locked in a room, use a chair to break out a window and run for it (most schools in this area are no more than 2 stories)
      – if teachers are herding students toward an exit, that’s a natural choke point to get shot at. Look for an exit from the crowd and cut-n-run. You’d do better by yourself.
      – watch out for crowds, because crowds of people are stupid. Think for yourself and analyze the situation independently.
      – if absolutely no choice but to confront, watch the shooter and wait for him to reload, then rush him.

      Both of my kids, needless to say, knew guns and gun handling by middle school.

      1. Yes! All of this! I’d dearly love to see the floor plans for these schools, I’d bet money they were designed more to keep the students in than to allow a fast escape from fire or other untoward incident.

  5. My wife’s first comment on hearing this story was, “Just how long do you think it will be before the kids start chucking those rocks at each other?”

  6. And now we have a new expression to add to the language:

    Dumb as a bucket of rocks.

    I weep for America.

  7. I remember the story of a young Jewish boy named David who did some good work with a rock against a very large and well armed (dare I say it?) Palestinian. Rocks aren’t much but add an aggressive attitude and you might win. Lots better than hiding under a desk. 230 grains of .45 acp is even better but you go with what you’ve got.

    1. David was also using a sling, and a sling, while not a firearm, is still a formidable weapon in good hands.

      Now, if I was feeling vicious, I’d suggest starting to train the youngsters with -slingshots-.

  8. Why not just hurl insults at the gunman, such as, “I fart in your general direction!”

  9. I suspect that the admin in question is subtly pointing out the absurdity over the PSH over the arming teachers debate.

  10. It will only be a matter of time until PETA intervenes complaining how inhumane it is to abuse bucket loads of Pet Rocks.

  11. We can now begin the inevitable argument over “which rocks?”

    Smaller rocks enable you to carry more of them, while bigger rocks can do more damage. We will break apart into factions, some of which recommend the easily carry-able and concealable “pocket rocks”, and some of which will only ever be satisfied when we’re all carrying melon-sized chunks. Dense granite will be favored by those who want immediate stopping power, while the less bloodthirsty will favor pumice.

Comments are closed.