More Corporate Nannies

Here’s a story which provoked an instant RCOB from me:

A supermarket advert that was set to appear on the London Underground was rejected by rail bosses…
The poster, submitted by online food delivery company Farmdrop, featured a family gathered around a kitchen island with the tagline ‘fresher, fairer groceries delivered to your door’.

Here’s the ad’s pic.  Try to spot why the thing was deemed offensive.

No, it wasn’t because one of the actors is a ginger.  Here’s the actual reason the ad was rejected:

…because it contained bacon, butter, eggs and jam.

The only possible way I could have been more angered was if it was banned because it contains a picture of a chicken, and the vegans complained about that  (I know, I shouldn’t give those poxy fuckers any ideas).

There’s only one remedy to overcome my rage at this point:

…and for the toast, some Irish butter and two of my favorite jams:

Bon appetit, y’all.

Eucalyptus Now

Can anyone else hear the hoofbeats?  No?  Then read this appalling news:

They were the must-have accessory of the eighties and nineties but quickly fell out of fashion.
And now the humble bum bag, also known in the US as the fanny pack, has made a surprising comeback with top designers and celebrities championing the once wildly-mocked accessory.
Fashion houses such as Gucci, Prada and Louis Vuitton have all showcased bum bags on the catwalk.
And unlike the garish bright, polyester styles of the eighties and nighties, designers have given the accessory a sophisticated makeover with smart leather styles often called ‘belt bags’.

And if that isn’t enough to turn your stomach:

Style-savvy models and celebrities have been spotted donning this sought-after accessory, including Taylor swift who was spotted sporting the ‘Ophidia’ bag by Gucci over the weekend.

Oy vey.  (No pics, because I refuse to be responsible for mass projectile vomiting.)

All that said, I have to confess to owning one of these horrible things.  It’s made of polyester, it’s in my SHTF bin, and it holds five 10-round 1911 magazines.  For emergency use only, when I don’t care what I look like and there are multiple goblins to be shot.

News Roundup

…wherein I’m too lazy to make a full post about stuff:

1)  Valerie is saved! — Thank goodness.  Now I can continue to add inches to my waistline by eating their pastries every time I go to Britishland.

2) Rio cops execute violent choirboys on the spot — Now quit that cheering and applause.  And no, I have no idea when ICE are going to implement the same policy when faced with armed cross-border drug smugglers.

3) “If [an active shooter] walks onto this campus, they’re going to be shot and killed.” — It’ll be interesting to see if school shootings ever occur in these schools from now on.  And if any of my south Floriduh Readers are looking for a part-time gig…

4) Sexbots could be hazardous for your health — Oh puh-leeze.  I know more than a few women (including some ex-girlfriends) who would pose a far greater threat than a collection of latex and transistors.  Think:  Terminator, with tits.  (Yes, Cheryl, I’m thinking of you.)

5) Amazon tells NYC to fuck off — These are the perils of trying to do business in a Socialist environment.  Frankly, I think Amazon should breathe a sigh of relief, because they just dodged a BIG bullet.

5 Reasons Not To Go To Australia

So it looks like our April trip to Oz has had to be called off, or at best postponed for a long time.  Here are the five reasons why:

1) They won’t let me take any of my guns into the country

2) Crocodiles in the streets

3) No cricket (the season has ended)

4) I hate snakes

…and the actual reason:

5) Angie can’t leave the country until her permanent residence visa gets approved, minimum six months’ time.

Now ask me whether we got a refund for our canceled air tickets from Qantas Fucking Airlines…

Tragedy

As Longtime Readers may know, one of my favorite stops when I’m in Britishland is Patisserie Valerie, which makes some of the best pastries I’ve ever tasted (along with outstanding croissants at breakfast time).  Apparently, quality merchandise hasn’t been enough:

Patisserie Holdings plc announces today that, as a direct result of the significant fraud referred to in previous announcements, it has been unable to renew its bank facilities, and therefore regrettably the business does not have sufficient funding to meet its liabilities as they fall due.
As a consequence, the directors have appointed partners at KPMG as administrators to the company and its various subsidiaries.
The Chairman Luke Johnson has personally extended an unsecured, interest-free loan to help ensure that the January wages are paid to all staff working in the ongoing business.
This Loan will also assist the administrators in trading as many profitable stores as possible while a sale process is undertaken.

Needless to say, stores will be closed and people will lose their jobs.

This after one of its senior executives siphoned money out of the place to support his jet-set lifestyle.  And if I could get hold of the asshole, his legal and financial problems would be the least of his problems.

Yes, I take my pastries that  seriously.

Opting Out

According to this report, our household appliances are about to become snitches on just about every aspect of our lives:

One day, finding an oven that just cooks food may be as tough as buying a TV that merely lets you click between channels.
Internet-connected “smarts” are creeping into cars, refrigerators, thermostats, toys and just about everything else in your home. CES 2019, the gadget show opening Tuesday in Las Vegas, will showcase many of these products, including an oven that coordinates your recipes and a toilet that flushes with a voice command.
With every additional smart device in your home, companies are able to gather more details about your daily life. Some of that can be used to help advertisers target you — more precisely than they could with just the smartphone you carry.

And the news just gets better and better:

Despite the fact that there’s plenty of information available showing how these devices collect data about every aspect of your life and the manufacturers both use and sell that data on the open market, the majority of people seem to either not care or are willing to accept this “new reality” as part of living in the modern world.

Once again [sigh], it appears that I’m in a minority.

No doubt, there will appear at your local drugstores condoms which measure the number of thrusts, such data sent back to the manufacturers of K-Y “Duration” gel, said antidote for premature ejaculation to arrive at your bedside by special delivery within two strokes of initial insertion.  And that’s a benevolent  outcome for such intrusiveness.

Never mind that.  Here’s a situation already in being:

T-Mobile, Sprint, and AT&T are selling access to their customers’ location data, and that data is ending up in the hands of bounty hunters and others not authorized to possess it, letting them track most phones in the country.

I don’t often agree with church leaders about, well, anything much.  But I’m in absolute agreement with this man.

Allow me to offer a suggestion for a brand-new industry.  When a new generation of “smart” phones arrived on the market and appeared to be “locked” to a specific carrier, within days we saw phones being unlocked by street vendors, sometimes right outside  the stores selling the damn things.

I’m calling on all privacy-minded geeks of the world to unite, and to design apps or hacks or whatever to bypass the Big Brother mechanisms of these new infernal fink machines so that people (like me) who aren’t interested in letting Global MegaCorp Inc. snoop into the most intimate areas of our lives may avail themselves of their inventions.

I will be at the head of the fucking line to buy them.  I promise.