Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

Better than Scotch?  I think not.  But anyway:


...give us a zip code for the impact area.  Oh, you can’t?  Never mind then.

And in Business News:


...anyone seen what happened to their stock price recently?  Yeah, it went back up to January 2024 levels.


...and guess what?  It’s the only part of Microsoft’s code that actually works as intended.


...because it’s a well-known fact that innovation thrives under a monopoly.
#FuckingLiar

In Police Files:


...what happened to “terminating” or “prosecuting”?


...not a bad start.  Eleven hundred down, eleventy millions to go.

And in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© news:


...and in other news, the funeral for Irony will be held on Friday.  And still on the topic of Cute Lil’ Animules:


...”horror moment”?  How about “amidst mocking cheers and laughter”?


...missing from the headline:  “Following massive bush fires which destroyed the koalas’ entire food supply and severely burned most of them…”

And in Sex Wars:


...I bet she can differentiate them better than you can, fairy Boy.


...which would be unremarkable except for the fact that Our Wayne was born in Liverpool and played for Manchester United for well over a decade.

And now [drum roll]…

And as we stroll down :

World Cup’s hottest fan looks unrecognizable with dramatic new look as she wears bold F1-themed bra to Miami Grand Prix
...don’t know who she is?  Well, here we see her at the Miami GP:

...and here she was at the World Cup:

 

Gives us a whole new perspective on the word “streetwalker”, huh?

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Does this mean it’s Monday and back-to-work time?

And in our weekly diary:

Back to the usual stuff:

And to end all this with something(s) worth looking at:

Now go and do that stuff you do every Monday morning.  Have one for me while you’re there.

Please Sir, May I Have Another?

Elections, Mocking Furriners

Well, it seems as though our cousins in the Great White Place have decided that a dozen-odd (very odd) years of Justin Castreaux’s “leadership” were not enough, and have elected his replacement Mark Carney as their next Chief Wokist.

Carney, it should be recalled, was the former head of the Bank of England who will be forever remembered as the man who nearly destroyed Britain’s economy during that messy Brexit business.  Prior to that, he was governor of the Bank of Canuckistan, and is widely seen as the reason housing prices rocketed and ordinary Canuckis ended up with higher debt — the highest ever, as it turned out.  (In fairness, his policies enabled Canuckistan to weather the 2008 global recession in terms of its GDP, but at the expense of said Canuckis, who are still trying to deal with high housing costs.  I report, you decide.)

I have told the tale of back when I was still consulting, we independent consultants had a rule never to work with a startup whose principal officers (CEO, CFO or COO) had a Harvard MBA.  Carney doesn’t have one of those, but his degree in Economics comes from the same institution.  Draw your own conclusions.

There’s more, much more, including his assistance in getting South Africa (!) to participate in international bond markets while he was employed by the infamous Goldman Sachs, of the 2008 global crisis fame, although it should be noted that he left GS five years before that.

By the way, his family is a poster-child for ultra-wokery — not that this should be a disqualifier, of course, but it does point to what he comes home to every night.

Anyway, this economics whiz* is the man Canuckis have elected to be their Prime Minister for the foreseeable future, and his first public statement as PM was a strong anti-Trump message, which means that it’s unlikely that Canuckistan will ever become our 51st state.

So in that, at any rate, we Murkins can breathe a sigh of relief.

*Just FYI, the word whiz  is also a euphemism for a stream of piss.

News Roundup

Bad News

And you’re going to need that slug of gin to survive this roundup.


…ah yes, the “experts” at the International Monetary Fund, with their stellar track record of global financial predictions and management. [/snark]

In :


...and about damn time, too.

More Political Stuff:


...it’s Illinois, so he’ll just be replaced some other terrorsymp Commie asshole.  And the only “torch” I’d like to pass is the one I’d use to light his execution bonfire.

And still on the topic of Commies:


...and to think she was once my “representative” back when I lived in Chicago.  I used to write to her often, but she always ignored me — possibly because my salutation was “Dear Commie Bitch”.


...let’s embrace the healing power of “and”, shall we?

From the Police Blotter:


…well, so much for her Secret Service protection detail.  Also:

In International News:


...just another day in Merrie Olde England.  As is this one:


…


...crappy car, nobody cares.

In Sad Business News:


...no matter how famous the backer:  if the product is shit, nobody’s going to buy it.

Finally:


...I’m sorry, but “Whoopi Goldberg” and “going down” should never appear in the same headline.
#VomitAlert

And speaking of vomiting:


...I was unaware that lesbian porno movies required the services of a fluffer, but there ya go.

And in today’s 

 

And in our weekly stroll down :

Liz Hurley Is Now Bonking Billy Ray Cyrus
...well, after Shane Warne, nothing can be too disgusting, I guess.

And if he thought his heart was all achy-breaky, wait till he sees what she can do to his nether appendage.