Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m a man of 35, looking for a woman to settle down with and perhaps have kids with.  I’m reasonably secure financially — as much as one can be nowadays — and I have a decent job with a good company, but I do have a few quirks that may be regarded as questionable (I enjoy going to the races, but only bet modest amounts that I can afford to lose;  I also rebuild classic cars, which does take quite a bit of time and money but I enjoy the hell out of it). 

“My problem, Dr. Kim, is that as I look around, I can’t really find any women in my target age group (24-35) who seem suitable.  Apart from the obvious losers — I think you know who I’m talking about — most women in that group seem totally unconcerned with their own prospects. A large number still live with their parents, which is a huge turn-off for me because they’re sheltered from the financial consequences of their bad habits, and I have no interest in taking over that responsibility should we ever decide to couple up.

“Even worse, I see these women on social media talking about their lists of criteria that men have to measure up to.  But when I look at these women, I wonder where the hell they get off coming up with any kind of criteria at all, considering that they are, to put it bluntly, horrible prospects who bring nothing to the party except a bad attitude and sense of entitlement.  To be frank, they need to realize that in today’s world, just having boobs and a vagina don’t count as much as they think it might, especially when they themselves may also be bringing stuff like credit card debt and student loans that they will no doubt think that their future partners will have to ‘take care of’ (i.e. pay off).  It’s even worse if they bring children, sometimes from multiple partners and expect guys to be the perfect daddy to them.

“I’m also kinda saddened by hearing them complaining that there are ‘no good men around’ when I know there are plenty — I being one of them, if you’ll excuse my  bragging — but the honest truth is more simple:  there are no good women around for guys like me to couple with or marry.

“Any advice, Dr. Kim?”

— Brick Wall, Missouri

Dear Brick:

You paint a very gloomy picture, and unfortunately I can see no flaws in your summation of your prospects.

In the old days, I might have counseled you and men like you to join a church to find like-minded mates;  but my spies tell me that even churches are no longer proper matchmaking venues because the women of which you speak have figured this out and are joining congregations, using membership thereof to establish some kind of “bona fides” to attract (and entrap) worthy young men.

I could also suggest that you take a few night classes in what’s known as “continuing education” on a topic of interest to you, to see if there might be female classmates who share your interest and can at least be counted on in that regard.  Just be aware that this too might turn out to be a minefield, because college campuses are all filled with the Wrong Sort Of Women nowadays.

I’m reminded of the old joke:

What is the secret ingredient to a happy, long-lasting marriage?
Find a woman who can take care of the household, someone who is wild in bed, and one who is financially blessed. Ensure that these three women never come face-to-face with one another.

I wish I could say something that might give you some hope;  but I can’t.  Your prospects are indeed gloomy, and there’s no easy way, no magic bullet that might make your task easier.

By the way:  what cars, exactly, do you like to restore?

—

Back Then

Advice

This idea was “borrowed” (okay, stolen) from a post by the Feral Irishman:

You wake up one morning and it’s 1995. 
The past 30 years have just been a dream.
What’s the first thing you do?

Here are some ideas that could see you comfortably situated thirty years later, i.e. today.

Buy:

  • Amazon.com shares, as many as you can afford
  • ditto Apple
  • other companies (specify)
  • that cherry ’71 Dino 246GT for $15,000 (I remember seeing some for about that price back then, and thinking they were crazy to expect so much)
  • a $100k house in Plano TX (which would be worth +/- $490K today) — pick your market

Your ideas in Comments.

Olde Pharrttes Not Wanted

Mocking Furriners, Old Fartism

At least the Japs are being honest about it:

A Tokyo chain pub has set a ban on older customers – in order to try to maintain the raucous, fun atmosphere for which it is known.  Tori Yaro Dogenzaka is an izakaya (an affordable Japanese pub) situated in Japan‘s capital city.

This year, the establishment propped up a sign outside the entrance, informing customers of the new rules.  The sign said: ‘Entrance limited to customers between the ages of 29 and 39. This is an izakaya for younger generations. Pub for under 40s only.’

I have no idea what constitutes the Japanese drinking demographic, but it must be different from us gaijin  because Over Here (and in the rest of the West) we know that Prime Drunk Age is between 16 and 28.  So if the Japs are anything like that, a “29-39” pub is not going to be a “raucous and fun” atmosphere;  it will be quiet and gloomy, with patrons drinking maybe a couple pints before leaving.  (I imagine the soaring price of booze in the Land Of The Rising Sun is if anything higher than it is in Western Civ, which defies comprehension.)

Can’t see a decent profit margin there, but whatever.

What I’d like to see is a bar exclusively for the 65+ age group, selling booze at prices that don’t insult us and are closer to what we used to pay back when we were in our Prime Drunk Age.  Make the place’s decor cozy and welcoming, play background music worth listening to (and not played at tinnitus-causing levels so we could, you know, converse without shouting), set up some chess- and backgammon boards, offer darts and dominoes, and provide affordable Uber rides home so the fuzz don’t get all excited when the elderly patrons come staggering out into the street.

At closing time, you’d have to drive me out at gunpoint.

I know, the accountants are going to tell me that such an establishment would be completely “unsustainable” or some such bollocks, but considering how today’s businesses have no problem with wasting jillions of bucks on specious bullshit (e.g. electric fucking cars and Pride Month parade sponsorships), I think that “Ye Olde Pharrttes Arms” concept is worth trying.

Oh, and one absolute and unbreakable stipulation:  NO LIVE MUSIC.