When I see headlines like this:
Obama Calls for Speech Crackdown at Int’l Summit: We Must ‘Detoxify’ from ‘Scourge of Disinformation’
…I am forced by my limited range of invective to plagiarize borrow from Mr. Ishmael Of Shetland:
Is there anything in eternity, in the infinity of space and time which you feel would not be illuminated, amplified, clarified, altogether improved, embellished, glorified by you commenting upon it, from out of your arsehole?
Is there no occasion or event or circumstance about which you are not compelled to comment at insufferable length? Might there ever be something happen in this world without it attracting your observations?
If someone was to write OH NO, NOT THAT CUNT AGAIN in letters as big as the Milky Way it would be a poor illustration of the effect you have on sensible people. You are as funny as rectal cancer. You have the insight of a cement mixer, although entirely lacking its utility. You know nothing of any value. You and elegance are estranged. There is better reading on a bus ticket. Nothing you say is witty, informative, provocative, original or scurrilous; nothing you write is worth reading. You are clumsy, cackhanded, plagiaristic, trivial, meaningless, insincere; unredeemed garbage. Even pored-over, analysed, the odd nugget is seen to be stolen from other people, shabby, second-hand, grubby; you cannot even recycle with any distinction.
You are the dullest, most boring, predictable, tedious, mind-numbing gabshite on the planet. Contrasted with reading your musings, watching the grass grow is scintillating, dazzling and provocative. You are as stupid as it is possible to be and still be sentient; nay, that is a misjudgment, lumps of rock are smarter than you, a bag of sand has a better sense of humour. Living with you, even a garden gnome would hurl himself in front of a train, rather than endure one more moment of your endless, infantile commentary. You are an unspeakable cunt. Why don’t you just either shut the fuck up or seek psychiatric assistance for your delusion, the one that makes you think the world cannot survive without you being its continuity announcer. Nobody on earth, not even your mother, if you have one, gives a fuck about what you think about anything. Most people would rather gouge their eyes out than read your drivel. You are an almost unassailable argument for shutting down the Internet; single-handedly you undermine the case for freedom of speech.
The Saviour himself, encountering you on the mountain, would say Fuck me, not this cunt again, does he ever, ever, ever even for a fucking second, shut the fuck up and just be? Or does he think that he spellbinds his betters, enchants his peers and renders reality herself incomplete without his penny’s worth? This is one cunt and a half, lads.
Do you really imagine that you are so perspicacious, so wise, so seasoned that your turds of wisdom, your worthless sweepings-up are indispensable to the world? Do you think people tune in to CSNBC and exclaim: I can’t wait to hear what the ex-POTUS thinks about copper smelting in Zambia; gosh I hope he speaks quickly?
It may be argued in your favour, although I wouldn’t, that crass as you are, your heart is in roughly the right place; your head, however, remains, inextricably, cemented up your arse.
You are unpardonably stupid so, hereby your very own, easy to understand parable:
“Omar went to the Master. He said, Master, I have been painting for years and remain unhappy with my work, can you help? Go, said the Master, and do your finest work and bring it to me. Five years later Omar returned with a painting he had slaved over and handed it to the Master, who threw it straight on the fire.”
Look at your speeches for something not already better said; it’s not there. Is this the point of you? Cover versions?
If you would speak, first learn silence. Learn some Zen, Shithead. Learn some plumbing.
Etc.
