...in those halcyon days before the Safety Nazis took over.
Let’s kick off with some Crime News:
...in which we play “guess the race of the bad guy”.
...nothing to do with all the rampant theft and looting, of course, it’s just pure racism in action. Bonus: guess in whose electoral district this is happening?
...good grief, why didn’t we think of that before? I bet his law prof is so proud of him.
...can somebody ‘splain to me why we shouldn’t inflict some cruel and unusual punishment on his murderous ass… oh yeah, that Constitution thing. Damn.
And in the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:
...I’d show some sympathy, but it’s NYFC.
...on the bright side, they might have done this to a Texan.
#ThanksTexGovAbbott
...sheesh, where do they think they are: Minneapolis?
...”racists” being just about every Irishman not in government.
In Medical News:
…
And also:
...and when you’ve lost Stephen Fry, you’ve pretty much lost the war.
And now, some Supernatural Sex News:
...just kidding: they really are fucking crazy [sic]. Pity the poor ghosts. And speaking of the insane:
...I’m just amazed that people are crazy enough to give money to FJB at all. On the other hand, it’s his last chance to have some cash lying around when his ass leaves the White House.
In this Friday’s (link-free) 
And in Sorta-ShowBiz News:
...frankly, I’ve seen curvier ironing-boards. But hey, judge for yourself:
…”stunning”? STUNNING?
Now here’s stunning:
...take it away, chica:
And on that truly stunning note, we end the news roundup.
