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Inexplicable

Crime, Men & Women

Certain things in life cannot be explained, e.g.:

…and this:

…how this doofus ever became famous:

…and why people continue to believe that government-made levees won’t fail:

But in that set of of inexplicable things, this headline tops all of them:

Here’s what I don’t understand:  how the hell did this story ever get out?

Did the hairdresser brag about her feat on Faecesbook?  Were the hairdresser’s customers alerted to this man’s predicament by his muffled screams, and called the cops?

OR:  did this helpless victim get free (either by being released by his captor, or somehow breaking free by his own efforts)… and then complain about it to the cops?  What kind of man would do that?

And (if the newspaper account of this escapade is to be believed) even as the former were the case, why did the cops take him seriously?

Now if the hairdresser looked like this, then maybe I could understand it better.

…but once again, if the article is to be believed, she wasn’t that bad-looking (with the “Russian caveat”* in effect).

So… did this helpless sex slave think he was going to get his own back on her (so to speak) by shopping her to the cops?  If so, that worked out really  well for him, as he was tossed into jail for the action which got him into this predicament in the first place, and where he was likely to be raped again, only by men and without the after-sex reward of food, money and a pair of jeans.

Like I said:  inexplicable.

*the Russian caveat:  not all young Russian women look like worn-out Moscow street prostitutes, but it’s the safe way to bet.

Eternal Life

Good Stuff, Health

I have to tell you that if this is true, a lot of men I know are going to live for a VERY long time*.

Masturbation boosts your immune system, helping you fight off infection and illness

So take that, Coronavirus.

“What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a good wank?”
— You can’t beat a good wank.

And now, if you’ll excuse me… oh shuddup, it’s for my health.

*This does not apply to actual  wankers, e.g.:

Getting Taller

Two-Minute Hate

As some comedian once said, the principle behind Daylight Savings Time is the same as the belief that you can get taller by cutting off your head and then standing on it.

[pause to let that visual dissipate]

Let me tell you why I hate this bloody nonsense with a passion.

  1. We have, in our little abode, well over a dozen clocks which do not self-adjust like laptops or smartphones do (I like and collect clocks).  This means that twice a year I have to prowl around the house like a hyena seeking a dead zebra, rooting out clocks and changing the damn hour hand or else pushing buttons on electric alarm clocks etc.  “Pain in the ass” barely begins to cover it.  And somehow, I always manage to miss one, which causes me aggravation later (could be a week later) when I discover the omission.
  2. Because we are an international family, with friends and family scattered all over the globe, I have had to resort to stern measures to keep up with this situation, ergo a wall decoration in the living room:

I think you can see the problem, can’t you?  The U.S. and the U.K. change their times on different dates, South Africa only uses one time (gawd knows how much they’d fuck up changing clocks and times… they operate on “African time” as it is), and as for Australia it’s even worse:  some states observe DST while others choose not to.

As I am a man of advanced age, little brain and severe deficiency in patience, I think you’ll get where I’m going with this.

I’m always reminded of the classic exchange from Cheech & Chong:

“Hey, hippie… wanna buy a watch?”
“Uuuhhhhh… no, man;  I’m not into time.”

Wish I could be that way.

Meanwhile In Texas

Good Stuff

I confess to being a tad parochial when I see headlines like this:

‘Oil price war,’ coronavirus could drive gas prices below $2 gallon

I’ve been paying around $1.85 for over a month — and below $2 since early January.  As much as I hope the lower prices won’t blow the fracking industry up, I’m enjoying the benefits of a lower cost of business — so gawd knows how the trucking industry must feel about it.

I note, however, that the godless airline industry — ever quick to raise prices when the gas price spikes — have not yet reduced their fares.  Pricks.