Oh…whatever made you think it was Monday?
So while we’re waiting for the caffeine to kick in…
…and if you know why that’s funny, shame on you.
And for us Olde Pharttes:
Now stop dreaming about those evil memories, and get to work.
Category: Funny Stuff
Another Added To The List
There is no limit to the micro-managing that a Blue state can descend to:
The bill — Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair — prohibits discrimination based on natural and protective hairstyles, including braids, locks, twists and Bantu knots. It also blocks Bay Staters from being denied employment or educational opportunities due to their hairstyles and textures.
Gov. Baker described the nexus of the CROWN Act as a “citizen movement,” started by a “very small number of people in which the right thing to do became clearer and clearer the longer the discussion went on.”
And while we’re there, some old-fashioned ones:
And of course, my old favorite style chart:
Noobs
Oy. When you’re going to try to assassinate someone for the first time, perhaps you shouldn’t ask Google for help:
Nicholas Roske searched on Google for the “quietest semi auto rifle” and the “most effective place to stab someone” before he arrived outside Kavanaugh’s home in June.
I don’t know much about stabbing (okay, I do, but not as much as I know about semi-auto rifles), but “quietest semi auto rifle” ? How about, NONE, you fucking moron.
Okay, a little .22 semi like a Ruger or Marlin wouldn’t be as loud as, say, an AR-15 or even a Remington 7400; but if we’re talking serious man-killer chamberings, I think I’m safe in saying that they’re all pretty fucking loud.
In a way, though, I’m glad the little prick was so stupid. Had he been a serious shooter, Kavanaugh might have been in trouble.
Even better, though, was this:
The 26-year-old also said in an online chat forum he was going to “remove some people from the supreme court” to “stop roe v wade from being overturned.”
“I could get at least one, which would change the votes for decades to come,” Roske said, “and I am shooting for 3.” [sic]
Uh huh.
By the way, isn’t that Rem 7400 a cutie? And it’s in the manly .30-06 Springfield, which I doubt that our Gen Z wannabe-killer would be able to handle anyway.
The Other One
I know, I know… I shouldn’t be so childish; but whenever I see a headline about D.C.’s current mayor, e.g.:
Today, Mayor Bowser of Washington, DC announced she had requested federal help with the influx of migrants arriving on buses from Texas and Arizona.
…all I can think of is this one:
Like I said, childish, but there it is.
Oh, and John Bauman has more talent in his little finger than the stupid mayor has in toto.
Monday Funnies
So, to keep us pointed in the tight direction:
And on a somewhat-related note:
Now get into your car and go to work.
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Sent to me by Longtime Buddy Mervyn:
AAADD – Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
This is how it manifests . I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the front verandah table that I brought up from the mail box earlier, just after the mailman had made the delivery.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I put my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage bin beside the table, and noticed that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
How to replace a jean button – that looks like a jean button. But, then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway (and the mailman picks up the mail at noon) I may as well pay the bills first. So, I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My spare check book is in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I’d been drinking earlier this morning.
I know I was going to look for my check book, but first I need to push the Coke can aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. The Coke is warm, so I decide to put it in the refrigerator to make it cold again. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the dining room table catches my eye — they need water.
I put the Coke on the dining room table and discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to put more water in the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the table, go to the kitchen sink to get a jug and fill it with water and suddenly spot the TV remote on the window sill. Someone left it there.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the window sill, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the jug, but spill some on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the kitchen bench, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
– the car isn’t washed
– the checks aren’t written for the bills to be paid
– there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the dining room table
– the flowers don’t have enough water,
– there is still only 1 check in my check book,
– I can’t find the remote,
– I can’t find my glasses,
– the garbage hasn’t been taken out
– and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I’m really tired now. I realise this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it.
As I replied to Mervyn, that’s actually quite a productive day… for me.