Greta Thunberg Identified As Coronavirus Carrier (“Typhoid Mary” Syndrome)
Cocaine Usage Plus Coronavirus Infection = Instant Death
Higher Coronavirus Fatality Rate Linked To Loud Rap Music In Cars
…and my favorite:
Gunsmoke Kills Coronavirus
Your ideas in Comments.
Courtesy of the Powerline folks comes this Ammo Grrrl story:
Long before the COVID-19 Panic, I had a dread fear of not being able to feed my loved ones. Once in San Francisco when our son was a baby, there was some sort of long-forgotten dairy panic and all the milk disappeared from the shelves of the grocery stores. Or at least the one I could walk to since we didn’t own a car.
One barefooted dirty hippie girl had just finished loading all twelve remaining gallons into her cart. I said, “Look, I have a six-month old. I breast-feed him, but I need the milk for me to make the milk. May I please have just one? You will still have eleven.” She refused. She said she didn’t even have kids and just planned to scalp it to other desperate people. I said, “Well, you haven’t paid for that yet, so if you are going to be a [several bad words], I will just take one then.”
And so I did. She screamed in outrage and, frankly, shock, but there were no cameras in stores yet, so what could she do? She briefly considered fighting for it, but thought better of it. I mean, what kind of scary lunatic takes stuff out of another woman’s cart? Without so much as a Swiss Army Knife? Better to cut your losses and move on.
Coffee, meet nostrils. Best part is that because Hippie Chick hadn’t paid for the stuff yet, it wasn’t technically hers — cameras or not — so anyone could have done that to her.
It’s funny how the hippies never seem to realize that without a power equalizer (e.g. a 1911), you’ll always be at the mercy of someone stronger than you are.
I see with interest that inhabitants of Los Angeles, New York and other liberal shitholes have suddenly discovered the value of guns:
Americans are starting to panic-buy guns with sales rocketing across the country and shoppers lining up around the block outside hunting shops amid coronavirus fears.
California, New York and Washington – the states hardest hit by the deadly bug – all saw a massive surge in gun sales.
Some buyers sought to ‘protect their families’ from looters should food and supplies run out due to coronavirus panic.
Of course, there’s always some wiseguy ready to poke fun at their plight:
Suddenly, homeschooling is becoming more desirable:
Oy, you! It’s time to wake up and begin the recovery:
So to help with the process, a little hangover-inspired humor:
So to help with the excuses, some inspiration:
Edy Williams:
Giada De Laurentiis:
…and Marilyn:
Now get outta that bed, and start making things happen.
I noted the disappearance of Chris “Tingles Up And Down My Leg” Matthews from some Commie TV network (don’t watch any, no idea which one), but while I’m not sorry to see the asshole go, the reason why he “retired” (sexual harassment) just makes me want to reach for a new bottle of J&B. Here’s part of his farewell statement:
“Compliments on a woman’s appearance that some men, including me, might have once incorrectly thought were OK, were never OK. Not then and certainly not today.”
Apparently, Matthews said to some TV totty: “Why have I never fallen in love with you before?”
To me, that’s just about as big a compliment a man could pay a woman. Also, the fact that the septuagenarian Matthews said that signals that he was obviously not hitting on her — I mean, old guys say that kind of stuff to younger women all the time (“If I were thirty years younger, I’d ask you for a date” etc.) — and let me be crystal clear about this: such declarations are, and always have been, a compliment.
Of course, in today’s fucking ultra-sensitive #MeToo #KillAllMen #BelieveAllWomen #AndreaDworkinWorld, that’s seen as no different from pushing a woman against a wall and forcing her to feel your dick. (In another milieu, that outlook is little different from PETA’s “a rat is a dog is a boy” extremist equivalence.)
All I can say is that I’m glad that I don’t work for a modern corporation, nor will I ever again; and I’m also glad that I live in the South, where women still understand (and indeed practice) the subtle art of flirtation.
Because I’m not going to quit. As I’ve said many times in the past, I live for harmless flirting and complimenting women — it establishes my love for women and, more importantly, it stops me from treating women the same way I tend to treat men — harshly (because, duh, we’re men and that’s how we treat each other).
Even more than that: I can’t quit behaving with women the way I do; it’s as deeply ingrained in my character as my table manners — maybe more so — and without that subtle interplay with the other sex, I’d just become a caricature grumpy old man who hates everybody. (As it is, that attitude is never far from the surface at the best of times.) I’m not going to change just because it’s no longer acceptable to some women: I’m going to open doors for them, help them stow their luggage on an airliner, walk on the street-side of a sidewalk and yes, compliment them on their appearance and all the other stuff that I’ve done my entire adult life.
And quite frankly, if any woman has a problem with that, she can fuck right off. (That’s just a little taste of — to coin a phrase — the other side of Kim, and it’s not very pleasant.)
Oh, and to Chris Matthews: it’s always been okay to compliment a woman on her appearance; it’s just that in today’s pussified world, some self-appointed arbiters of Acceptable Behavior have changed the rules on us. Fuck ’em.