My Thanksgiving Story

Outside the United States, Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday, nor even a thing — their loss — so I’m sometimes asked to explain the whole concept to foreigners.  Here’s the story I tell to do so.

Tom worked in the office next door to mine, back at the Great Big Research Company in Chicago.  He had moved down from Minneapolis to take the job, bringing his wife and kids with him.  Under the term “Straight White Corporate Guy” in the dictionary, you’d find his picture:  always immaculately dressed in suit and tie with polished Johnston & Murphy wingtips, glasses with thick lenses, hair cut short but not too short, a workaholic — you get the picture.

He also had a dark and impish sense of humor, completely out of character but made all the more enjoyable because it completely destroyed the stereotype.  (At the staff cafeteria lunch table one day, we were discussing what we’d do if we won the lottery.  Tom:  “Porn movies.”  “Make them or perform in them, Tom?”  “Both.”)

It came about that on one Thanksgiving, instead of taking the family back to Minneapolis for the extended family reunion, Tom had to stay because of work pressure;  He couldn’t leave on the Monday, as he usually did, so this year his wife and daughter went up early, while he stayed behind with his son, intending to drive up on the Wednesday evening.

Well, that never happened because on the day before Thanksgiving, the greater Minneapolis/St. Paul area was hit by a truly gargantuan snowstorm which was too much even for Minnesoduh to handle, which meant that Tom and his teenage son were stranded in Chicago until the day after Thanksgiving, at which point the roads would be clear enough for him to get there.  But as for Thanksgiving Day itself?  Just him and his boy.

Needless to say, there was no Thanksgiving meal, but Tom decided to make the most of it anyway, so he and his son went off to the nearby Jewel supermarket to get a substitute.  Tom, of course, did not know how to cook, so they got two frozen turkey dinners and went off to the checkout.

The cashier was a lady in about her fifties, and when she saw the two lonely TV dinners on the belt, she looked at Tom incredulously and said:  “Is this your Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Yes,” Tom said (and here’s where that sense of humor came in),  “This year, it’s just the two of us.”
“What about your wife?”
“She’s not with us.” (said with just a touch of melancholy)
“Oh no,” said the cashier, distraught.  Without a moment’s pause she said, “Would you and your son like to join my family for dinner later today?” 

And this, my friends, is the meaning of Thanksgiving.  This lady was prepared to open up her home and table to two total strangers, just so that they would have a family to share Thanksgiving with.

To his great credit, Tom was mortified, and with considerable embarrassment managed to extricate himself and his son from the predicament.  But he never forgot the episode.  Nor have I and, I hope, nor will you.

Despite everything, we Americans still have a lot to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Job Wanted

Here’s something I’ve never done on this website before, but when you see who and what this is all about, you’ll understand.

The executive summary reads as follows:

Recently laid off due to a company bankruptcy, he is an engineer and business development specialist with over 25 years in startups. He has invented, developed, and innovated in a number of technologies from graphing databases and encryption software to chemical coatings, low temperature gas kinetics, medical devices and software, aerodynamic vehicle systems, industrial visual safety products and more. Looking for something full time but is available for consulting. If you know anyone who needs good advice or help with a technological problem, he is a great place to start.

“He” is known to all Longtime Readers as “Combat Controller”, and he’s looking for a job.

He’s also one of my closest friends, so any help you can throw his way, whether by referral (what business-speak types call “networking”) or an actual job offer, will earn my undying gratitude, and may involve the gift of one of my prized guns should it all work out for everyone concerned.

If you have an idea, or need more info, drop me an email and I’ll put you in touch with him.  Get the call out, folks, and thank you all in advance.

Good Wishes

To all my Tribe Readers:  G’mar Chatimah Tovah.

For us non-Jews:  it’s about Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, which starts at dusk today.

As well as refraining from food and drink, many Jews spend the whole day in synagogue, with a special service called Kol Nidre  taking place soon after the fast begins the night before, and services for the whole of the following day until the fast ends at sundown.

In addition to fasting, people also abstain from bathing, wearing leather and wearing perfumes or lotions, while marital relations are also a no-no on the day.  (As my buddy Selwyn Shandel once sourly remarked:  “So in that respect, it’s no different from any other day.”)

Yom Tov, y’all.

Worthy Cause

Longtime Reader Tim V sends this appeal:

A buddy of mine is suspended without pay for refusing to get vaccinated and is currently in court over this issue. The Go Fund Me link has all the details. He is looking for financial help for the legal expenses.
I thought you might be interested in supporting this GoFundMe, https://gofund.me/511282ac.
Even a small donation could help Jonathan Lucas reach his fundraising goal.

Because this mandatory-vax bullshit has gone far enough, I’ve donated a small amount.  Do thou the same, O My Readers, if possible.

Friends & Family

One of the first things that lottery winners learn is that they suddenly discover all sorts of friends and family members that they never knew they had.

I’m not one of those people.  In the event that I were to win a lottery, I know exactly who my close friends and family members are (they number fewer than twenty), and if there were any money that was available to be shared, they’d get 80% of it (after my off-the-top 20%, depending on the size of the pot — the smaller the pot, the larger my percentage).  But even that’s not the end of it.  Because — and this is made quite clear in all the rules and literature about this kind of thing — any lottery winnings are the sole possession of the individual whose name is on the winning ticket.  Nobody else is “owed” anything.

And here’s the little tale of avarice and entitlement that made me think about this in the first place:

Alex Robertson was one of a dozen bus drivers from Corby, Northants., to scoop a share of £38million on the EuroMillions.  Mr Robertson’s share, which he won a decade ago, was worth £3.1million – but it sparked a feud between him and his sons, who claimed he refused to share any of the cash with them.

…which was his right.  £3.1million was back then the equivalent of about $4.7 million — hardly what we would call “screw you” money — so apart from the legal issue, he was perfectly within his rights not to share the money with anyone else.  Just to make the point even clearer:  his sons were in their early 30s when he won the lottery, and so not his dependent children, by any stretch.

And here’s where the fun begins.  His bratty kids started to go after him:

Alex Jnr admitted: “We ended up taking hammers to his two new 4x4s. We walked up his driveway at 11 o’clock at night and put two claw hammers through the windows of the car.  We then reported ourselves to the police.”

William was later charged with harassing his Lotto-winning dad by sending him threatening text messages.

And the whining:

Alex Jr. told The Sun at the time: “This lottery win was the worst thing that ever happened to us — it ripped our families apart.”

No, you self-entitled, unspeakable little shit:  you ripped the families apart by somehow thinking that your hardworking bus driver of a dad had to share his good fortune with you.  Did you ever buy your own lottery tickets?  (Doubt it, and even so, it’s irrelevant.)

Anyway, all’s well that ends well.  Robinson Sr. lives in Spain, far away from his toxic offspring, and I just hope that he’s willed the remainder of his estate to a worthwhile charity, and not to the Fuckhead Twins.