Category: Bad News

And from the Department of Health:

...considering that my favorite pub snack is beer, that’s excellent news.  And speaking of Queer I mean Beer News:

...not Bud Light, because nobody would want it for free, let alone buy it.

In our Catalog of Stupid People:

...cause of death:  terminal stupidity.  And on the same topic:

...should be only seven, of course, but that’s Bidenflation for you.

In Human Relations:

...as she discovers that there are two kinds of “snapper”.  Speaking of snappers:

...sounds pretty cool to me.

And on the subject of “cool”, there’s this from the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Apostles:

...and here we go again:

…I’m thinking 20ga #8 birdshot into the legs if caught in the act, but I can be persuaded otherwise.

...never mind the sharks;  just look who’s issuing the warning — Dr. Rosie Jones:

Speaking of unwelcome visitors to Britishland:

From the Dept. of Immigration:

...my kinda guy.

Time for some link-free INSIGNIFICA:

...as long as you weren’t turned on, darlin’.

And speaking of sex toys, here’s some Media Celebrity News:

...no, I don’t know who she is either, but let’s have a look:

And in hot-weather gear:

Let’s all head off to the beach, because news time is over.

Speaking of rancid, malodorous women, here’s a prime example:

...because of course she would, the Commie bitch.  More from the Commies:

...which is no doubt why he married Michelle, or “Mike” (as she used to be known).

And still more from the Commies:

...demonstrating yet again why they should be pushed out of helicopters at 10,000 ft.

From the Dept. of Cultural Assimilation:

...perhaps if this MexPres did more to stop these assholes from trying to swim over… but then again, he’s just trying to get rid of this scum:

...and did they shoot any of them dead?  No.  Are we disappointed?  Yes.

...which seems to be the answer.  The police don’t agree, but they’re wrong.

In related Lawn Ordure News:

...because that might actually stop some of the riots, and they’d lose all that overtime pay.

In Medical News:

…

More Health News:

...serves them right for a) being triathletes and b) doing it in Sunderland.

Which leads to more Sports News:

…

And a slightly different kind of sport:

...some would say we need more Christians like this.  I report, you decide.

Still talking about an alternative sport:

...and the solution:

(see here for the background)

And now from the link-free INSIGNIFICA files:

  ...just get married.  That’ll end it.

And in one last piece of sorta-sporting news:

...oooh, mommy:

And doing her best Barbie impression:

A good way to end the news.

And speaking of quickies:

...candidate for “Most Misleading Headline Of The Year” competition.

...pick and cut?  What happened to flaying and impalement?  Oh wait… those watermelons. My bad.

Some Political News:

…

...a simple glance at past Soviet leaders would emphasize that Commies never give up power voluntarily:  they have to die.

…

In International Monetary News:

...three words guaranteed to cause mocking laughter:  Euro bailout fund.  And speaking of money:

...wait:  cash-sniffing dogs?  What new totalitarian hell is this?

From the Great Cultural Assimilation Experiment:

…I prefer the old-fashioned term “concentration camp”, myself.

...as opposed to “un-sinister” sex attacks on women?

From the True Crime Dept.:

...I know that criminals are seldom PhD candidates, but… seriously?

In the Woke Chronicles:

...am I the only one getting an ever-larger Schadenböner out of this sorry tale?

Never mind;  this next one will cause all boners to wilt like two-week-old lettuce.

...fat, stupid and pervy is no way to go through life, son.

And now it’s time for INSIGNIFICA (and you’ll be SO glad there are no links):

      …who they, again?

Finally:

...it’s been a while since we looked at the former newsreader and now Hottest Conservative Babe On The Planet, so here we go:

Is there a better way to end the news than with a pic of Tomi in denim shorts?  I think not.

And more from the Stuff That Can Kill You Dept.:

…

...well, you can fuck right off, scientists, because earlier on you told us that a glass of wine will stimulate your heart, prevent scabies and end the spread of Communism.

And now from the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Dept., Everybody Panic!!! Office:

…

But it’s not all bad news in this area, because:

...federal “bailout” funds coming in 3…2…1...

Then again:

...so if you can’t terrify us into submission, you want to imprison us?  Okay Bernie, my old comrade:  might as well start with me.  You Commie motherfucker.

From the Foreign News Desk:

...yeah, they don’t need to import spaghetti because they already have noodles.

...she prolly got sick of all the rent boys coming over to their house all the time.

...doing the math, that works out to being raped once every 5 days (kinda like being married, really, except for the “coercive” part).

...errr can anybody point me to those people who love paying rent?

In Political News:

...I took the word “alleged” out of the headline because we all know that there’s nothing “alleged” about it.

Obituaries Etc.

...the anarchic “Pee Wee’s Playhouse” being still the best kids’ TV program ever.

And now, time for INSIGNIFICA:

  …going the Full Monty?

And in TV News:

...no idea who she is, but let’s investigate:

And some other views:

 

Okay, I’d classify her bod at “mildly sensational”, but not bad for someone knocking hard at the 40 door.

Cleans up pretty well, too — well, as much as any of these houris  can “clean up”:

And thus, we come to the end of the news.

And speaking of rancid and toxic women:

...just the kind you’d want your son to bring over for Thanksgiving, yes?  Also, keyword:  Michigan.

...that’s okay;  when you share custody, you can feed the kid steaks, meat pies and sausages all you want on those weekends.

In Lawn Awduh News:

...hell of a sentence just for shooting a cop who was already dead.  Uhhh wait a minute...

...why bother, when the fix is already in?

...that’s not quite what the original headline said, but you get my drift.

...in which, once again, we play “Guess The Race” of all the participants in this ghastly little situation.

...key word:  Florida — no wait, California.  Hadda be one of them.

In Medical News:

...wait:  gout in your cock?  What new hell is this?  And in the same vein [sic]:

...the one time I think “over and under” would be preferable to “side by side”.

From the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Dept.:

…

From the Dept. Of Tourism:

….funny, I thought that was every Italian city, but I haven’t been there for years.

From the Sports Desk:

...that would be me with baseball, and I’m not even a hermit.

Time for no-link INSIGNIFICA:

           

...no, I don’t understand any of that either.

This just has to be pissing off somebody somewhere (no link):

...can’t see why, myself.

And that’s the news.