Category: Bad News

Let’s start off with some Election News:

...kinda like the conservative Supreme Court guys were over the abortion thing, huh?  Sauce, goose, gander, etc., you fucking Commie cow.

...yeah, they’ve been “trending Republican” since the 1990s, and yet somehow they always keep sending Democrats to the White House and Congress.  Consider me unconvinced.

In related Political News:

...is it so wrong to be envious of the Argies, for once?

...never a Covid death when you really want one.  And speaking of disgusting Commies…

...when you’re running huge deficits, you’ll harvest extra revenue from anywhere.

...hate to break it to you, Ed, but Portland is Third World.

From the Animal Kingdom:

...key word:  Australia.

...see previous item.

News from the Muslim Assholes Dept.:

...ah yes, the Religion of Peace strikes again.  Also, they lie:

...they’ve been taking lessons from Bill Clinton.

Time for some better Sex News:

...the only surprise is that he was fired at all.
#LiberalCollege

...wait:  Dolly Parton has always been in an open marriage, and I’m only finding out about this now?

And in more Showbiz News:

...the poor, poor man;  how much more suffering must he endure for his art?

In (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

 

Finally, let’s look at what I’m calling the Edible Eighties:

Donna Mills (82):

Linda Gray (80):

Martha Stewart (81):

…and especially Martha:

…that’s her “JBF” look.  Pity the fool…

And that’s all the old news for today.

First Roundup of 2024.  Try to contain your excitement…

And off we go:

...which is as it should be, and not just in Brazil.  Can’t see the problem, myself.

And in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...come on, Al, you can do better than that.  Why not five billion?

...they don’t work if there’s no wind, they break if there’s too much wind.  Fucking Goldilocks machines.

From the Waste Of Time Department:

...Susan who?  Is she still alive and fucking things up in Congress on behalf of the Downeasters?  And on a related topic:

...this is what you get when you prevent law-abiding Irish citizens of the non-IRA persuasion from having their own guns:  they have to use steak knives.

...and can White people in New York defend themselves with guns?  Don’t be silly;  they can’t even use steak knives because of the No Pointy Stabbing Stuff Law of 1973.

...never trusted them damn Commanches anyway.

…

...could have been worse;  he could have used it for a legitimate purpose, e.g. buying some trannielit for a third-grade class.

...way I see it, Christmas Day for murderers should be when they’re excused their daily scourging, let alone getting a fucking “festive dinner”.

In International News:

...expect our own socialists to send observers down there to see how they do it.

...longest ever recorded, so far.  And to make it truly international:

(same principle)

...fucking scientists are always pissing in someone’s soup.

And in similar INSIGNIFICA:

And finally, in TV Actresses You’ve Never Heard Of News:

…here she is as a youngin:

 

And here she is today, at age 40 in the aforementioned bikini:

Weeny or MILFy?  I report, you decide.

(just in time for New Year’s Eve!

So let’s stagger on with the news:

...that’s because they have less to give, plus they have high standards for service which today’s snowflake yoof can’t provide.

...just out of curiosity:  when the fuck did a couple’s sleeping arrangements move into the public domain?

...because of course they are.

In the Dept. of Education:

...and he did, by golly.

News from the Animal World:

...I’m just surprised he didn’t beat it to death with his huge clanging brass balls.

...keyword:  Florida (duh).

Immigration News:

...fuck me, when the place is getting too rough for Superman…

And speaking of crime:

...this item sponsored by Captain Obvious breakfast cereal.

In Sex Medicine News:

...burned through that first upgrade already, huh?

Now it’s the turn of link-free INSIGNIFICA:

 

And in Showbiz News:

...relax, no pics of Gwynnie.  Instead, let’s look back at her Mom, Blythe Danner, who always was a hottie:

She was (and still is) classier than her silly daughter.

And she’s still a GILF (in her 80s, FFS):

We should all age that well…

And remember, kids:  the Comments are open field in the Roundups.  Play nicely.

Let’s start off with a little news about Global Warming Climate Cooling Change©:

...keyword:  Australia.

...so we ban people, then?  Or wait:  if we can reduce Glueball Wormening by a little judicious population pruning, I gotta list.

...and the loss in oil-related revenues will be made up from…?

From the Great Cultural Assimilation Project comes this:

…

…ummm if yer gonna slag off Jews, you might not want to do it in Miami.  And this just in from Church Chronicles, Islam Division:

...yeah, we all know that ain’t no way to treat a lady — I guess the Muzzies just didn’t get the memo.

In LGBTOSTFU News:

...any bets on the length of his/her jail time, if any?  Anybody?  Bueller?

And in the Dept. of Education:

...see above.

From the Health Department:

...so the choice is:  die or become a vegetable?

...as opposed to down your throat?

Economics News:

...and not just during the holidays, Sparky.

...so Japs are playing the long game in the Let’s Conquer America thing, then.

Further Immigration News:

...fucking hell, if California has become too skanky for Nikki Sixx...

And a Christmas piece:

...could that be a metaphor about the death of Christmas?  I report, you decide.

And in link-free INSIGNIFICA:

 

And in Liz News:

...it’s been a while.  I’m sorry...

That should do, for a while anyway.  Still one of the better ways to show the end of the news.