Category: Bad News

And speaking of evil bitches and their webs:

...it’s difficult to imagine anyone more “dark and dystopian” than this ghastly parody of a woman.

Great Moments of Jurisprudence:

...no shit, Sherlock yer honor.  Also:

...unless she’s skinny and likes to suck dick, I’m somewhat puzzled by this one. And lastly:

...but at least he didn’t call her a fat lesbian — even though in this case, the description fits perfectly.

...they have no Posse Comitatus law in Swedishland, but that seems to be a Good Thing in this instance.

...I’m thinking large amounts of cash, flowers and a roofie… wait, perhaps I misread the headline.

...well, maybe not everyone misses the blustering Green asshole cyclist.

From the Department Of Education:

...gives new meaning to the term “pupil support”, dunnit?

…

And the part you’ve all been waiting for, INSIGNIFICA:

           ...trust me, you don’t want to go there.  No man should.

Finally, some Showbiz News:

...I report, you decide:

And in daylight:

And that’s all the news that’s fit to mock.

Some of today’s items may not include links because they shouldn’t.

...along with Oprah, Beyoncé and Barbra Streisand’s housemaid.

...and, one hopes, very painfully.

…let me know when it’s hand grenades, and then we may get concerned (or not).

…

...ah yes, the old “clotheslined vs. chlamydia” debate.

...sounds like something I’d do.

...going to add alcohol to it?  No?  Then, no.

...can we talk about EV batteries, now?

...finally, a Brit law that I can support.

...key word:  India.

...this is what happens when you use the word “abuse” incorrectly.  Calling a store clerk a lazy twerp:  fine.  Attacking him with a knife while shoplifting:  not.

...the new generation of moon-worshippers being the one after the crystal-worshippers.  Bunch of fucking muppets, all of them.

...I can’t enter this one because it’s amateurs-only.

And now:  INSIGNIFICA!!!!!

   

...substitute “bed-hopping” and “boyfriends” to see how it works, sweetie.

Finally, Paige Spirinac has announced her 2023 Halloween costume line.  She’ll have to work hard to beat last year’s effort:

…oh, wait:

Girl needs a good spanking, and I know just the man to do it.

And today:

...with all the usual mil-spec quality controls one has come to expect from the MoD.

...so, our 2A rights are safe, then.

...and to think, they stopped working on that silly cancer cure thing, just for this.  I suspect government funding is behind this one.

...yeah, that “soft on crime approach” is working everywhere it’s tried.

...good fucking question.  Too bad it wasn’t Biden asking it.

...uh, I hate to break it to you, Blimpo, but I have more chance of winning New Hampshire than you do.

From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change©:

...as opposed to the date they predicted in 2001:  January 12, 2015.

From the Dept. of Health, two opinions:

...as written by “experts”, and the following appeared in the same newspaper on the very same day:

...and I’ll call next time I’m in town, I promise.

...call me when when a bunch of people die from this latest variant — because nobody has yet, despite all the fearmongering.

From the Wild Kingdom:

...like sharks need any help in that department.

...1. shoot it. 2. shoot it again. 3. shoot the owner.

In Economics News:

… ...don’t say he didn’t warn ya.

From the Heart of Stone Department:

...too bad it wasn’t on the return trip, but them’s the breaks.

...okay, how many of you have ever thought about doing this?

...yeah, me too.

And in RES INSIGNIFICA:

       

  ...and on a parallel train of thought:

 

And lest you think I never give you anything useful in these Roundups:

(link)

And in Media Events we’ve been expecting for a long time:

...nepotism at its finest.  Also:

...and good for them.  Lest we forget, Brand is being accused, but hasn’t been found guilty of any crime, let alone this bullshit.

...as long as it makes landfall at Washington D.C., I’m cool with it.

And in Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:

...or maybe that asteroid could hit Northern California instead?  All these choices...

Still on the falling Biden Economy:

...just take a number, assholes.

In Parish News:

...so much for his plan to become the next Pope.  Although...

From the Department of Litigation:

...sounds about right.  Of course, maybe he could have seen the non-bridge before driving off it — which will be the Google defense.

…

…

In link-free INSIGNIFICA:

...no comment.

...go on, you know you want to. Read more

Let’s get on with it:

...combining mythology, fantasy, superstition and bad grammar all in one headline. (And no, there’s no link… are you kidding?)

Speaking of superstition, here’s the latest from the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Dept.:

…

…okay:  I’m no fan of this foul broad but even I’m on her side here.  Considering that she was only blowing/shagging her hubby, I don’t see how this qualifies as “prostitution”. [#KillAllGovtLawyers]

...FFS, when she’s not incoherent, she’s moronic.

...and hundreds of DMV employees flock to volunteer for the jobs.

...soon to be followed by a massive increase in the murder rate as the scumbags no longer face the chop.  You heard it here first.

...keyword:  France.

...and to everyone’s amazement, her album shoots to #2 in the charts the week afterward.

From Captain Obvious, Inc:

...in another report, actual sex is apparently more enjoyable than phone sex.

...and the media are still bemused by the fact that most Americans hate, fear and distrust the Fibbies.

And in some truly magnificent INSIGNIFICA:

 

Finally, some Good News.

...the only way this show could get any better would be if Lisa Hogan (51) were to be filmed in the nude in each episode:

 

I mean, she is Irish, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem for Clarkson.