Category: Bad News

Please note the health warning.

The Great Win11 Update Fuckup nuked all the links for today’s Roundup, but somehow I managed to recover almost all of them.  You may thank me later.

...never mind the little donut shops;  how about Archer-Daniels-Midland and Hormel meat packing operations?

...we don’t need a psychiatrist for this one.  Two words:  bad boys.

…

In similar news:

...and apartheid never existed, either.

In the Hearts Of Stone Dept.:

…

And in more news from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

...only because those damn spoilsports at the Fed wouldn’t let us use the place for Air National Guard bombing practice.

....because they just don’t have enough criminals in the country yet.  (see below)

...gosh, who could have seen this coming?  Oh, all of you, huh?

And still on the topic of crime:

...oh wait, did Diddums think that stabbing someone to death was just a childish game?  Welcome to Death Row, choirboy.
#NorthCarolina.

In the Dept. of Health News:

… …  AND:

...which isn’t going to do anything, because the whole service is irretrievably fucked.

In Green Business News:

...but-but-but I was told by all the knowledgeable people that EVs were the future of the automobile industry!  Also:

...serves them right for thinking that Aston buyers actually wanted a Duracell version of the DB.

Turning to Entertainment News:

...so what?  It’s already a trashy movie series — and has been since From Russia With Love.

And now, the part everybody’s been waiting for — 

And in a hard drive [sic] down :

...ah yes, young Paige:  how we have missed you.  For those with short memories, a brief refresher:

 

 

 

 

Consider yourselves refreshed.  Or something.

“Arms & Cycle Works”… in MassiveTwoShits, even.  Anyway, on with the  nudes  news:

...to the total surprise of nobody except doctrinaire bureaucrats and socialists [some overlap].  And speaking of doctrinaire bureaucrats:

...should have been with a “No-Talent” agency, but I guess CAA figured that they could use an experienced blow-jobber in their organization.

And in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...little known fact: “Ed Miliband” is actually a Welsh expression which means “stupid cunt”.

:

...but cynics among us ask:  “Before we get all worried and stuff, do we know WHICH city?  Because if it’s NYfC, Beijing or L.A., well then…”

...and people are aghast at what may happen.  On the bright side, it could have been Netflix.  Whatever;  I don’t care because I haven’t watched a Bond movie since Sean Connery quit.

...it’s a good thing, then, that she’s actually a fictitious character in a movie.  And to think that these “researchers” were actually paid for this bullshit study.

And in speaking of wasted money, as we attempt to Murder The Deep State©:

...a few dozen billion here and there, and pretty soon you’re talking serious money.

...buh-bye.  Nice to be able to save the expense of at least one “buyout”.

...is anyone surprised that this fat grifter is involved in Bidenesque slush money?  No?  Me neither.

From the Dept. of Constitutional Rights Protection:

...yup;  a right delayed is a right denied.  You don’t even need to be a lawyer or Constitutional scholar to know that.

In the Dept. of Education:

...keyword:  Missouri.

Here’s something that nearly made it to Insignifica:

...the whirring sound you hear is that of David E. Davis and Jean Lindamood spinning in their graves.

And in our no-strings 

   

And as we continue our stroll down :

...it would probably be more accurate to say, “mama’s still got them“, but whatever;  I report,  you decide.

And that’s the news, all busted out.

And speaking of squealing butt-bandits:

…

...ooooh do those naughty Porsche buyers still not want to buy those overpriced Duracell cars, then?  And still on the same course-change:

...all that “renewable” bullshit still nothing like good old-fashioned oil, huh?

...considering that most of his victims were Muslim immigrants — oh wait, you didn’t know that?

...haven’t eaten there since they downgraded the menu, so I’m indifferent.

...unmentioned:  he probably had a better patient-survival rate than 50% of actual NHS doctors.

...perhaps he could have made his point a lot more effectively by just ramming his speculum up the tranny’s urethra.

Introducing our newest department:

...ehhhh leave them for the Asian Murder Hornets to handle.

In the Dept. of Education:

...seems to me that SHE was the one with “special” needs.  Keyword:  Colorado.

...keyword: Australia.

And in our best-ever 

   

...at least it was only for an ad, and not for OnlyFans.

...no man should.

 

 

Ugh.  She’s bad enough, but then you’d have to be exposed to the rest of the coven…

So let’s get to work, then:

...but-but-but I was reliably informed that Trump’s election would cause an economic collapse.

Let’s have a little MAGA News, but first, a summary:

And some details:

...OUR new Attorney General.

...and it’s long overdue.

...what, no prison sentences?  <pout>

...hur hur hur… he said “pulling out”.

...me too, Stephen.  Oh good grief…

To continue:

In The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

...fucking hell, they needed a “report” to tell them that?  Never mind, I’m sure their “plan” will be put into effect by 2040 at the latest.

...so you admit you’d be breaking the law by employing illegal immigrants, then?  Noted.

In the annals of Stupid Superstitions:

...and in other news, the people who read chicken entrails decide that we’re going to have rain sometime in April.

In Medical News:

...hell, I know several women who act like they are.  Also:

…it’s just a good thing that she isn’t allergic to her orgasms.

In the Hearts Of Stone Dept.:

…

From the files of Lawn Order:

...that’s sticking it to the Man, you betcha.  No stupid cop is going to tell him how to drive.

...errrr I think you’ll find that’s illegal, you asshole.  Keyword:  Dallas.

And in our sex-drenched 

As we set off down :

...as we take another look at out favorite Nigora, first with the old man:

...and then, flying solo:

And at another address on the same street:

...okay, she’s way too emaciated for me, but for those who like the Bony Type:

...and I have to admit, she’s not bad for 53.

Finally, speaking of today’s sponsor:

And that’s the news, all geared up for the week.

You’ll need a martini too, after reading this lot.

...hey, they’ll try anything to get Angela Merkel to commit suicide.

In Billionaire Tech Wizard News:

...what bullshit.  a.) he’s trying to get sympathy from Lefties for palling up with DJT, or b.) he’s just another delusional Lefty like Whoopi Goldberg.  (I know:  embrace the power of “and”.)  Although maybe this had something to do with it:

...it should have been $25 billion, which may have made the androgynous little asshole take notice.

...says the guy who wants to coerce the whole world into being injected with experimental vaccines, and who’s wasted billions on trying to eliminate Third World hunger.

And speaking of insane shit:

...have they not yet realized that the world has changed since November 2024 and this bullshit ain’t gonna fly?  On the other hand, keyword:  Pennsylvania.

Speaking of a changing world:

...you don’t say.

...in the list of Things To Worry About, this probably ranks well below “millions of badgers raining from the skies”.

From the Dept. of Education:

...or does this just mean that minorities aren’t such good students, have lower graduation rates and therefore need disproportionate assistance to compete with Whitey?  Discuss.

...thus joining all the other universities in the world.

...only one hundred?  Talk about under-achievers.

...should have kept it to a carefully-vetted dozen.  But, Floriduh.

And of all those things we call 

...and the happy couple looks kinda like you’d think they would:

And as we drive down :

...and she’s using pictures rather than text to get her message across:

And that’s all the news under the sun.