Author: Kim du Toit

Just Be Careful, Kristi

Law and Order, The Gun Thing

In the face of L.A. cops being fired for refusing Rona jabs, SDGov Kristi Noem says:

“To LA County law enforcement officers facing potential firing: In South Dakota, you will not be fired for making personal health decisions. We respect law enforcement and everything you do to defend our freedoms. We would love to have you come join us.”

That’s all well and good, Governor, and let’s hope some of them take up your offer and come on up to the Mount Rushmore State.

But please make a few ground rules clear before you send them out to police your citizens, especially in terms of the Second Amendment.  While cops generally are quite conservative, I’m not so sure about California cops, because they’ve been enforcing some pretty shitty un-Constitutional anti-gun laws in the Golden Shower State and they’ll probably need a training course in SD gun laws to remind them of the “shall not be infringed” stuff.  They’ll also need to become free of the fear of seeing citizens carrying guns openly, never mind concealed.

Just a thought.

5 Worst Valentine’s Day Cards

The Worst

(Monday Funnies will return next week.)

Ranked in order of ascending foulness:

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (men to women)

  • …from your love sausage
  • …to the world’s deepest tunnel, from its longest train
  • …I love you so much, I have a pic of your face on the inside of my undies
  • …to my darling Fiona  (and your name is Sally)
  • …now please sign the divorce papers

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (women to men)

  • …and just remember:  no flowers, no annual blow job
  • …to the man I’d most rather fake my orgasms with
  • …to my second-favorite anal sex partner
  • …to the pair best suited to my scalpel
  • …to the father of at least one of our children

Your suggestions in Comments.

The Real Grand Tour

Drive Time

You’ve just won the Grand Prize of a big raffle.  The prize is that you get to tour  the United States AND Western/Central Europe for six months (in any combination you wish, e.g. four months in the U.S, two in Europe).  All expenses and accommodation are paid for.  You have your choice of companion:  wife, mistress, girlfriend, best buddy, Carol Vorderman, or nobody.

You also have to choose only one car for each continental leg of this trip, which may prove problematic, because they’re all classic cars.  However, in the same spirit of the Clarkson trio, you will have a support vehicle driving a couple of miles behind you, so forget about car trouble.

Also:  because of the age of the cars, interstate highways and autobahns are not recommended, so you’ll have to use lesser roads e.g. US-50 or US-287, etc.

Here are your choices for the U.S. leg (pick one only):

1932 Stutz DV-32  (5.0-liter straight eight, top speed ~ 100mph)

1934 Packard 1101 Eight Coupe (319 cub.in straight 8, top speed ~ 120mph)

1935 Duesenberg J Walker Grand Torpedo (6.9-liter straight 8, top speed ~ 115mph)

1936 Auburn Boat Tail Speedster (5.3-liter straight 8, top speed ~ 120mph)

 

Now for the “European leg”.  You can choose to tour only the U.K. in one of the three right-hand drive cars — OR only the European continent in one of the three left-hand drive cars:

United Kingdom

1936 MG SA Tourer (2-liter inline 4, top speed ~ 80mph)

1938 SS-100 Jaguar Roadster (2.5-liter inline 6, top speed ~ 100mph)

1938 Alfa Romeo 6C 2300 B (2.3-liter inline 6, top speed ~ 105mph)

(I know, it’s not a Brit car;  but it is one of the most beautiful Alfas ever made, it’s RHD, and you’ll have a support team, remember?)

 

Continental Europe

1936 Horch 853 A (4.9-liter straight 8, top speed ~ 120mph)

1938 BMW 328 Cabriolet (1.9-liter inline 4, top speed ~ 110mph)

1938 Mercedes 540K Cabrio A (4.9-liter inline 8, top speed ~ 125mph)

Enjoy the trips…

Death By Covid

Tragedy

You know, it’s one thing when Olde Pharttes like me are whacked by the Rona;  but this is just horrible:

Britain’s oldest pub has called time after more than 1,000 years
— due to the Covid pandemic

Ale was first served at Ye Olde Fighting Cocks in 793 but sadly the popular boozer has been unable to withstand the struggles of the past two years.
The pub in St Albans, Herts, has survived wars, plagues and previous economic crises. But landlord Christo Tofalli said he was walking away because the pandemic had been “devastating”.
He added: “I have tried everything to keep this pub going. However, the past two years have defeated all of us who have been trying our hardest to ensure the pub could continue. It goes without saying I am heartbroken.”
The much-loved landlord, who has run the venue for a decade, has been inundated with messages of support from around the world since his company went into administration.

“Messages of support?”  What about financial support?

Here’s yet another reason I would like to win a huge lottery:  I’d buy The Fighting Cocks (was there ever a name better chosen to get the hippies upset?), run it at a loss until business picked back up, and then give it back to the owner, who seems to be more than a decent sort.

And don’t talk to me about having the National fucking Trust step in to save this historic building.  First thing these wokist twats would do is change the name (because animal croolty), and then ban the sale of booze on the property.  Fuckers.

No, the Brits need to get behind this most excellent cause, with the rallying cry of

It deserves no less.

Starved

Men & Women

Here’s one that should make you cringe:

Anderson Cooper on Thursday revealed he has welcomed a second son named Sebastian Luke Maisani-Cooper. The CNN personality, 54, announced the big news on his show on Thursday evening.
…
Cooper said that his ‘best friend and former partner’ Benjamin Maisani is ‘in the process of adopting Wyatt, whose last name will be changed to Maisani-Cooper as well.’ He added, ‘Wyatt calls me “daddy” and Benjamin “papa.” We’re a family.’

The newborn had this to say:

Poor thing.

In so many ways.

Use Enough Gun

The Gun Thing

…especially when you’re attacked by a moose:

“As he charged me I emptied my gun into him and he never stopped,” she wrote on Facebook. “I ran for my life and prayed I was fast enough to not be killed in that moment. He trampled the team and then turned for us.”

Yeah, well.  Read the piece for the details about her “gun”.

Of particular interest to me is this statement:

She said no musher would ever travel with a rifle or a large caliber gun, instead preferring to scare off animals with a flare gun. And with all the jostling of the sled, the larger guns could easily go off.

Firstly, if your gun goes off because of “jostling”, you need some training and/or a better gun.  The thought of something like this Ruger Redhawk .44 Mag going off by being jostled,,,?

Ain’t gonna happen.

As for mushers going out without a rifle or large-caliber handgun:   if what this idiot says is true, they’re bigger idiots than I thought.  FFS, even realtors carry a heavy gun when they’re showing cabins and houses in the Alaska boonies.