Santa may recover in a day or so, but I don’t know how we are going to get that elf out.
Laxatives. >:-]
Either a proctologist or a general surgeon depending on how high the elf made it
Hunter Biden in the West Wing after a few to many ho, ho, hos.
Santa learned that part of Caitlyn will always remain Bruce
Like the song goes “you’re losing all your highs and lows”. I just don’t experience Christmas the way that I did 20 years ago. Don’t drink (much) on Christmas eve, don’t really enjoy exchanging presents or shop for that next great present for someone else. That’s probably more a reflection on where I am in life than the celebration of Christmas itself as it is today.
The shopping experience HAS changed (all online), and I’m kind of ok with that as I really hate crowds of people. I do miss the smell of Cinnabon in the mall as I rushed from Sears to Spencer’s gifts to pick up something er, off beat. That world is no more. Change is always inevitable, so if I am ok with it doesn’t matter a bit.
Here at the Old Folks Home, where all residents are in our mid-70s and our keepers are in their mid-50s, gift giving is something long left in the past. If there is something we need/want, either we venture out to get it, or we order it in from one of the many delivery services. I personally haven’t been to an actual mall since the 70s. I don’t tolerate the crowds or the noise well, and I’ve always hated the seasonal hunt for a parking space. Again, anything they offer at a mall, I can purchase on-line, have it delivered right to my door, and I can do it all half-lit in my shorts and a t-shirt.
Some folks might think that I’m just a cranky old f*rt these days, but the truth is I’ve been this way for more than thirty years. My holidays are quiet and uncomplicated, and that’s just the way I like it. To paraphrase Ebeneezer Scrouge, keep Christmas in your way and allow me to keep it in mine.
New MAGNUM condoms, Christmas edition.
“Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.”
Santa gets sleighed
Or
Thinks:- jeez, that last kid wiggled a bit
Or
Dress up for me, she said, it will be a real turn on
Or
That’s the last lap dance I do.
Job done.
Which job is done Kim?
– Delivering presents to crotch fruits around the world?
– Mrs Claus Blowjob?
How come Santa doesn’t have any kids?
He only comes once a year
Look under the hat for your present.
That Christmas night flight is exhausting, especially for somebody centuries old. Mrs. Santa will get the elves to tuck him in bed, and out a pitcher of water, a glass, and headache tablets on the bedside table.
Every year the naughty list gets longer, and longer and longer
the naughty list gets tougher since the girls on the list started using Urban dictionary to find new acts to perform with Santa
Although exhausted, Santa was hoping the royalties from the latest “Elves Gone Wild XXVII” would pay the bills
Santa may recover in a day or so, but I don’t know how we are going to get that elf out.
Laxatives. >:-]
Either a proctologist or a general surgeon depending on how high the elf made it
Hunter Biden in the West Wing after a few to many ho, ho, hos.
Santa learned that part of Caitlyn will always remain Bruce
Like the song goes “you’re losing all your highs and lows”. I just don’t experience Christmas the way that I did 20 years ago. Don’t drink (much) on Christmas eve, don’t really enjoy exchanging presents or shop for that next great present for someone else. That’s probably more a reflection on where I am in life than the celebration of Christmas itself as it is today.
The shopping experience HAS changed (all online), and I’m kind of ok with that as I really hate crowds of people. I do miss the smell of Cinnabon in the mall as I rushed from Sears to Spencer’s gifts to pick up something er, off beat. That world is no more. Change is always inevitable, so if I am ok with it doesn’t matter a bit.
Here at the Old Folks Home, where all residents are in our mid-70s and our keepers are in their mid-50s, gift giving is something long left in the past. If there is something we need/want, either we venture out to get it, or we order it in from one of the many delivery services. I personally haven’t been to an actual mall since the 70s. I don’t tolerate the crowds or the noise well, and I’ve always hated the seasonal hunt for a parking space. Again, anything they offer at a mall, I can purchase on-line, have it delivered right to my door, and I can do it all half-lit in my shorts and a t-shirt.
Some folks might think that I’m just a cranky old f*rt these days, but the truth is I’ve been this way for more than thirty years. My holidays are quiet and uncomplicated, and that’s just the way I like it. To paraphrase Ebeneezer Scrouge, keep Christmas in your way and allow me to keep it in mine.
New MAGNUM condoms, Christmas edition.
“Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.”
Santa gets sleighed
Or
Thinks:- jeez, that last kid wiggled a bit
Or
Dress up for me, she said, it will be a real turn on
Or
That’s the last lap dance I do.
Job done.
Which job is done Kim?
– Delivering presents to crotch fruits around the world?
– Mrs Claus Blowjob?
How come Santa doesn’t have any kids?
He only comes once a year
Look under the hat for your present.
That Christmas night flight is exhausting, especially for somebody centuries old. Mrs. Santa will get the elves to tuck him in bed, and out a pitcher of water, a glass, and headache tablets on the bedside table.
Every year the naughty list gets longer, and longer and longer
the naughty list gets tougher since the girls on the list started using Urban dictionary to find new acts to perform with Santa
Although exhausted, Santa was hoping the royalties from the latest “Elves Gone Wild XXVII” would pay the bills
Wow.
I need to lose weight.