News Roundup

Today we feature the “All Sex, All The Time“-type roundup, with commentary shorter than Jerrold Nadler’s dick.  [sorry]

ummm Wayne, dude:  there’s this thing called a “vasectomy”

and given that he’s not rich, I think the newspaper owes us a tasteful pic of his erect phallus, so we can see just what this guy’s appeal is.

and you were slut-shamed because you were a choirgirl, right?

“sparent”?  What’s that, Lassie?  Hoofbeats?

given that her pool of likely suitors will come entirely from fanbois inside NASCAR Nation, I’d say her prospects are even slimmer than she thinks.

and when you’ve lost gayboi Graham Norton

not to mention a distinct shortage of willing penises.

if she’s going to get all her lovers’ faces tattooed there, she’s going to need ElastaGirl arms.

the main question being:  did we really need to know this about the late?

And finally:

hate to break it to you darlin’, but nobody cares why.  Here’s the proof:

Much better than Gwinnie’s bony ass.


  1. Wayne should step up and take responsibility for his body, himself and not trust that this woman who can’t make up her mind about another child will consider anything about his desires.

    And has Graham Norton said something homo phobic? Why isn’t this on the evening news, the morning news, and the various email providers’ news feeds they put in front of you while you’re accessing your emails.

  2. Lisa Riley, 44, bravely admits:
    * “I’ve took ownership…”

    Lisa, 44, I have took umbrage at your combination of words.
    If I was that interviewer, I would have took to vigorously bouncing a bat upside your cranium.
    (But not a chinese stew bat. Yum!)

    1. “If I was that interviewer….”

      Requires the use of the subjunctive. If I were that interviewer….

      Hey, Marge, you were the one who started the grammar stuff!

      1. If I was the one to start…
        If we were the two to start…


        To further validate my admittedly-firm foundation, I refer you to this clip edited out of the recent live debate prior to broad casting:
        “Mister vice-president, how do you like your chinese bat stew?”
        “Com’n, man! If I was the guy, which I assuredly was not the guy,… [eight minutes of ‘the thing’ references removed]… clap at that, ya besterds!”

        1. As I was walkin’ along the shore one bright and sunny day,
          I spied a box beyond the surf, a floating in the bay,
          Then I swam out and pulled it ashore and there, to my surprise;
          Inside the box was a bump-ba-tum, right before my eyes.
          Oh, inside the box was a bump-ba-tum, right before my eyes.
          Phil Harris, “The Thing.”
          Further recitation redacted out of sympathy with the reader(s).

  3. “…and you were slut-shamed because you were a choirgirl, right?”

    I just wanted to point out to our esteemed blog host that slut and choirgirl are not mutually exclusive terms.

  4. Most female NASCAR fans couldn’t stand Danica because she was fairly good looking and liked to show some flesh.

    Had Danica weighed 180 lbs., they would have loved her.

    She was a middle of the pack driver, but, after each race, there were usually 15-25 male drivers who finished behind her.

    But men and women both constantly spewed venom about what kind of a terrible driver she was.

    To be clear, though, NASCAR driver Ricky Stenhouse, her former lover, “stretched that thing out” for the football player.

    I quit following her when she began associating with the NFL celebrity types.

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