In ascending order of awfulness:
- Democrats Take House, Senate And White House In Election Upset
- Sen. Chuck Schumer Named To Head BATF
- “Not Guilty” Verdict In Clinton/Obama Treason Trial
- N. Korean ICBM Strikes Hit San Diego, Miss Seattle, Portland, Berkeley
- Amy Schumer Married To [your name] After Wild Night In Vegas
Your suggestions in Comments. The more tasteless, the better.