Harmless Addictions

As a rule, I have to drink quite a bit of liquid each day because if I don’t, the old kidneys malfunction and Mr. Gout puts in a reappearance:

(Yes, I take Allopurinol daily, and haven’t had a gout attack, not even a twinge, in years — but I’m taking no chances because excruciating agony, not wanting.)

Of course, “hydrating” means drinking water, but that actually makes me thirstier afterwards and anyway, as I was once told by a doctor:

…so generally speaking I ingest water only in solid form, surrounded by Scotch or gin.

But I still need to drink liquids in fairly large volumes each day. For a while, I’ve been drinking water flavored with lemon juice (just to make the water taste better; Plano is a fine city, but our tap water while potable tastes like shit). One cannot live by lemon water alone, however, so I sought out other liquid alternatives.

I don’t care for iced tea, and I can’t stand fizzy drinks as a rule — forget Coke and such — because with my lap band, gas causes me pain almost as bad as gout. I don’t mind a teeny bit of fizz such as found in costly products such as Perrier, but for the quantities I require (I’m not a Russian oil oligarch), Perrier is out of the question. And I feel like a pretentious dick carrying it out of the store. So what to do?

Then I discovered this evil substance:

…and OMG I was hooked on it shortly thereafter. I use it as a supplement to the lemon water (one can per day) so I probably drink only about a case of it every month in that manner. Unfortunately, the Aranciata Rossa also makes an excellent mixer for vodka and gin, so my total consumption of Pellegrino is, shall we say, somewhat higher. (Yes I know: booze is not A Good Thing for gout sufferers, that’s why I take Allopurinol so shuddup.) I generally pour it back and forth a couple of times between two glasses to take out most of the fizz (which is much lower anyway), and let me tell you, it’s nectar. I usually drink it in the evenings only, but I know it’s an addiction because yesterday when I looked into Ye Olde Iceboxe and found only two cans extant, I had to race off to the local pusher of said product — both Central Market and Trader Joe’s in Plano carry it, thank goodness — and stock up.

And no, I receive neither subsidy nor consideration from San Pellegrino so this punt is completely without motive, other than to tell you all that I’m addicted to the lovely stuff. But yes, if someone from San P. happens to read this adulation and wants to subsidize my addiction, they should feel free to do so and I’ll duly note that in an update.

No doubt, some other doctor will soon be advising me:

…but I’ll ignore it, as I do anyway to most medical advisories which harsh my mellow. It’s too early right now to have one, so I’ll just get me a glass of squeezed OJ instead.

Afterthought: I should probably add that I’m a huge fan of the blood-orange flavor; I eat the fruit whenever it’s in season, and even the flavored yogurt is a breakfast staple.



    1. Strel, you are an evil, evil man. “Here, just try one… it can’t hurt you.”
      Takes me back to the old schooldays, it does.

  1. That is some seriously good stuff. I hate pretty much all fizzy sugar waters, but make an exception for that.

    For hydration, I prefer hot liquids to cold, and find rooibos tea to be just the thing.

    1. Speaking as a former South African, allow me to state that rooibos (lit. “red bush”) tea is an abomination, and was placed in this Earth by Satan.
      The only way I’ll ever enjoy rooibos is if I find it between the thighs of Amy Adams or Julianne Moore.

      1. Well, I like it.
        Now, despite the fact that I’m a Florida Cracker who’s family was in the state before the invention of air conditioning, I cannot abide the taste of sweet tea.

  2. My wife has taken to drinking the fizzy fart water as she calls it. Sometimes it’s San Pellingrino, but for flavored stuff she mostly drinks LaCroix; which is basically the same stuff. Here in Meechigan, we have a great local chain, Meijer. They have a house brand of plain “sparkling water” that they sell by the 2 liter bottle. When they run a sale, you can pick it up for $.99. She stocks up, and drinks it with fresh squeezed lemon or lime juice.

  3. PRS makes a “Blood Orange” finish for at least some models of their guitars and it’s a stunner. When I get some scratch together, it’s my next indulgence – a 594 guitar in Blood Orange.

  4. Also, Kim, you could get a SodaStream machine and use it to only lightly carbonate water if you flavor in any way you prefer.

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