Humor – Page 2 – Splendid Isolation

“Dear Dr. Kim”

November 24, 2025 Kim du Toit Advice

“Dear Dr Kim,

“When my hands are deep in the turkey gizzard and relatives come brightly into my kitchen, without bringing me a drink, and offer to help: what playlist can you suggest I ask the smart speaker to play to get them to fuck off?

“Suicidal Christmas Country Songs worked well, actually a bit too well, last year, and Siri claimed not to recognise “Music to invade Poland to”. Your erudite musical knowledge is needed.

— Some English Farmer

Dear Farmer:

There are so many things wrong with this request that I barely know where to begin.

Let’s start with the “hands in the turkey gizzard” thing. Where is your wife? Why is she not performing her uxorial duties, whilst you are outside shooting at crows, neighbors etc.? Small wonder that relatives come into the kitchen drinkless — they’re expecting to find her in there and not some male interloper.

Secondly: WTF is this “smart speaker” gadget? To me this bespeaks idleness or at least inattentiveness on your part, caused no doubt by your being in the kitchen instead of doing worthwhile things like browsing through your collection of gramophone records, wherein I have every expectation that you will find all sorts of music guaranteed to drive foul, unwanted people such as relatives screaming from the room. Just off the top of my head, I would suggest Adge Cutler and the Wurzels’ debut album, but if said relatives are from your part of the world then this may be a dangerous choice as they would start singing along and even — perish the thought — dancing on your threadbare Axminster. A better choice might be the musical efforts of Jimmy Shand and his Orchestra: if that horrible ur-Scottish music fails to send them screaming not just from the room but from your farm altogether, you may as well give up and reach for the budget-priced Spanish plonk that your wife rejected for cooking.

And speaking of cooking, a reminder: a man’s place to cook is at the barbecue or spit-roast, and not in the kitchen.

Finally, I have no idea what this “Siri” creature is. It sounds like some ghoul, or an invention of Satan’s minions. Best stay far away from it, lest you be corrupted and start doing things like leaving the parish and encountering strangers.

—

Monday Funnies

November 24, 2025 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

And from the Classics:

And on with the usual deplorable content:

Some self-affirmation:

And some deplorable Mom stuff:

And speaking of mommies:

Caption Competition #420

November 21, 2025 Kim du Toit Captions, Friday Feature

Your suggestions in Comments.

News Roundup

November 18, 2025 Kim du Toit Bad News

Why do I love the old days so? Anyway, here’s some stuff about the modern day:

...never mind; I predict that pretty soon, cross-country skiing will become an important tourist attraction… in Ireland. So there’s that.

...not that Iceland was ever a relevant country, other than as a NATO airbase.

Yet more

…

And speaking of The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© :

...and once more, let’s play the “national origin” game…
#Muzzies #NoPrizes

Coming out of the Police Blotter:

...Commie bastards spying on some other Commie bastards. Also:

...and yet he’s very much alive and the President, and you’re dead, you filthy pedophile.

...I miss the old Son of Sam days, when it was at least a dog. When you’re taking your orders from insects… I blame the Democrats.

And from the Dept. of Education:

...one wonders how this silly bitch thought it was going to end, but that presumes a mental state capable of thought. Ditto this one:

...giving a whole new slant to the term “Phys Ed”.

Here’s something from the Dept. of Health:

...and no, this time it wasn’t Britishland’s legal system.
#WTFAustria?

...life as Michael Corleone’s wife must have been tough.

And in this week’s (blessedly) un-linked

And in our Possibly Fake Headline section:

...what? you know the judge would do it if he could.

And running headlong down :

...you know, I just can’t help thinking that our Kimmie might just do better at her exams if she spent more time at the books than doing this kind of thing: