News Roundup

 

And speaking of things rising up:


...well, no it isn’t.  I’m glad to see, however, that Seattle and Portland are the most likely to be thus afflicted.  Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of Marxist assholes.

And as for far-off places, these next items come from our Travel Bureau:


...not much of a secret for long, now that the newspapers have publicized it.


...[scratching Naples from the Travel Bucket List]


...not quite the “adventure” advertised in the brochure, methinks.


...and you can’t get a decent egg ‘n chips, cottage pie or Yorkshire pudding anywhere, either.


...as if cruise ships aren’t a shitty experience to start off with.

Now tourism of a different type, here’s


...actually, that’s not quite true, chica;  we’re saving space in the dungeons for your little bunch of rancid Commies and terrorsymps.


...the City of Angels having so much extra cash to throw around, probably arising from the building permit fees from Palisades.

In the Darwin Chronicles:


...the hunger for attention and clicks seemingly has no bounds.

Time for Medical Crimes:


And some Sex Crimes:


...just terrible, except that a.) he was captured on video doing it, and b.) confessed to the crime.
#Brazil #SpeedyJustice


...wait:  Buddhist monks have millions of dollars? 


...I’m just impressed that some guy was sitting on his car hood and wanking… for six hours straight.
#Viagra

And now it’s the turn of unlinked 

And as we travel through  :


...relax, it’s a newspaper report, ergo no tits to be seen anywhere:

So in the spirit of investigative journalism, I’ve found some better pics:

All part of the service, no need to thank me.

Finally, a bit of comedy to brighten your day.  Apparently, some keffiyeh-wearing scrote was trying to disrupt the Tour de France bike race by protesting Israel’s participation.

One of the security guards took exception.

Sorry, Wrong Guy

Reader Brian H. set me this lovely piece of satire:

“I could find someone here in town as important as a bass player.”

Ohhhhh, that stings.


Atlantic Showband’s bass player, June 1977

In my defense, I should point out that at that particular gig I managed to bed a girl that at least two others in the band had tried it on with, and been rebuffed.

When The Punishment Is Worse Than The Crime

Here’s an absolute classic:

Furious driver throws £50 parking ticket on the floor – and gets fined £250 for littering

Of course, this is a Britishland special (clue: currency), and to be fair, the littering thing is a real problem Over There, hence the excessive fine.

The problem, however, is that if someone is found “dumping” (Brit-speak: “fly-tipping”), i.e. someone is caught emptying a truckload of old refrigerators or tires (tyres) on the side of a road or into a field, the fine for said offense is still £250 — which I put to you is not at all excessive, but in fact is inadequate.  Of course, the effort involved in removing said litter in this case is considerably greater, i.e. more costly than simply picking up a discarded parking ticket.

I liked the response of a Brit farmer who caught someone dumping trash in his field, whereupon he put his tractor in gear and simply pushed (okay, crushed) the offender’s van against the stone wall.  In a rare instance of actual British justice, he was not fined and when haled into court for “destruction of private property”, the magistrate basically told him not to do it again and stop being a bad boy:  case dismissed, despite the anguished yowls of the fly-tipper who claimed that without his van, he was out of business.  The response from the magistrate was brilliant:  “If your business is fly-tipping, then the community is well rid of it.”  (I wish I had a link, because the judge was actually funnier than my recollection provides.)

To return to the original offense for a moment:  that excessive £250 fine for littering could be called a “spite fine”, and is very common amongst the law enforcement classes, may their socks rot and their daughters run off with rock musicians.

On the other hand, the meter maid got off lightly in that the angry motorist didn’t punch her in the face.  I suspect that Milord Judge may not have been as relaxed in his judgment.

Perfect Sign-Off

It’s a good thing that a) most of the time I worked in Corporate World, there was no email;  and b) I only discovered this gem at Kenny’s yesterday:

There’s no telling how many times I would have used this as a response to 80% of the office memos I got.  (“Only once, Kim.”)

Yeah, but it would have been totally worth it.