…from me, upon seeing pics of the Euro leaders in Washington D.C.:
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
News Roundup
Kebab soap? For your mimsy? Ah, the good old days… but for now?
...”could”. Or not.
...will this finally force the UK to adopt this new thing called “air conditioning”?
Latest news from Commieland, Inc.:
...Stephen, you silly boy; the reason the Missouri store failed was because it just wasn’t done properly.
#StandardCommieExcuseForFailure
More Commie bullshit:
...I just wonder what color the sun is on his planet.
And speaking of gun control:
...for those who don’t know, that would be: “soon-to-be-ex-Texas-Senator” John Cornyn.
...the Glock 21 never even made it the three blocks from the collection point to the cop shop.
#Chicago
From the Hearts Of Stone Department:
...trying to find a problem with this situation; nope, sorry.
...bloke didn’t have access to Kim’s #1 Seagull Repellent, clearly.
...there was an “alleged” in there, but it’s all irrelevant now. And quit that mocking laughter.
And from the Dept. of Health:
…
Speaking of death:
...if graves were still being dug by sextons rather than with Kubotas, I might agree. But as it is: that cemetery is a fucking chiseller.
...wait: Illinois did something right, for a change?
#Faint
From the files of the Department of Righteous Stabbings:
...that’ll teach him.
#FloridaMan
And we know what’s next in the roundup — 
And as we venture down 
:
...still the best surname in show business. The rest ain’t bad either:
And of course, those dancer’s legs:
She’s the best thing to come out of Ukraine… well, ever.
Monday Funnies
And our classical reminder:
Before we continue, a quick note: if you’ve seen any of the memes and jokes on these pages before, remember that I’m still using the old laptop. So…
Let’s roll out those lazy hazy crazy days of summer again:
And if your car or something needs a “special” wash after all that, this might be a good time.
Caption Competition #406
Your suggestions in Comments.
News Roundup
And on to DaNooz:
...”While it is almost certainly impossible in reality” tells you all you need to know.
...California, Washington and Oregon most likely to be affected, huh? Hmmm… maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to pooh-pooh it.
...big deal; we already have them here in Texas, no nukes needed.
...oh, why not? They’ve already made me somewhat allergic to bioethicists — “allergic” in the sense that I want to shoot these particular ones in the face.
...someone remind me: when was the last time Germans felt this way? Oh, that’s right: back in the 1930s and early -40s.
From the Golden Shower State:
...so we’ll give him a fair trial, and then hang him. Oh, wait...
#California
From the Dept. of Education:
...nothing will happen to the teacher.
#Chicago #TeachersUnion
Our Mother Of The Year Award:
...and a pic of Mommie Dearest should explain it all:
In International Crime News:
...didn’t look under the sofa cushions, eh?
In Sports News:
...heheheh: “dildo pandemic“. Oh, and a quick correction: there’s only one “star” in the WNBA, and it wasn’t Caitlin Clark who was hit by the dildo.
And in Not-So-Entertaining News:
...should have ended about 18 years ago, when he stopped being funny.
And now, the ever-popular and ever-link-free 
...they’re gay?
And as we follow 
over to the golf course:
Paige Spiranac’s skintight golf outfit makes fans beg ‘to play a round’ with her
...here’s a video, and in case you’ve forgotten who we’re talking about:
So let’s take a hard drive out of the news.
Rejected (Again), With Prejudice
I have told the story before about how, in the days after 9/11, I called up an acquaintance who worked at the Pentagon to see how I could volunteer for the National Guard or similar, to patrol airports or do something equivalent that would involve protecting something or someone.
As it happened, he was busy brushing concrete dust from his hair, in a manner of speaking, and he told me a) that if the ragheads attacked the North Side of Chicago, I’d get a call from him, and b) to fuck off and stop bothering him because he had better things to do than deal with a cranky overweight old fart who couldn’t patrol a living room without frequent rest stops. (I was 47 years old at the time.)
I mention this tale of woe only because of this development:
DHS Secretary Kristi Noem announced that Immigration and Customs Enforcement is now waiving age limits for new applicants “so even more patriots will qualify to join ICE in its mission to arrest murderers, pedophiles, gang members, rapists, and other criminal illegal aliens from America’s streets.”
Well, even though I’m now a sprightly youngster of 70 — soon to be 71 — that magic phrase “waiving age limits” was like a spur to my civic consciousness, and I thought, “Why the hell not?”
Surely I could do something for the cause, even if it was just working a desk or driving a vehicle, thus freeing up some younger guy to perform, shall we say, more energetic activities?
Alas. The very next statement from the lovely Kristi ended that little dream:
“All ICE law enforcement recruits will be required to go through medical screening, drug screening, and complete a physical fitness test.”
Ah, shit. Medical screening: no problem. My doctor has assured me that I am, if anything, healthier than I’ve been in over a decade. Drug screening: forget that, unless a positive test for BP meds or statins is a disqualifier, I’m good to go.
But a physical fitness test? Aw, shit. No way will I get through that, because even though I’ve lost considerable weight (thankee Ozempic), I doubt whether I could do more than a few pushups, and as for running some distance longer than, say, running to catch a bus to the pub, I’m screwed.
As the saying goes: the spirit may be willing, but the flesh is weak — in my case, beyond redemption.
I think I’ll go to the range.